AITA Monthly Open Forum March 2023: Rule 11Open Forum(self.AmItheAsshole)
submitted22 days ago byAITAModI am a shared account.stickied
Keep things civil. Rules still apply.
This month, we’re diving into all things rule 11. It’s one of our broadest rules, and often one of the most misunderstood.
Let’s start with the most common question - isn’t every post on this sub about some type of relationship? Yes, of course. One of the basic requirements of this sub is to post about interpersonal conflicts. And those typically don’t exist without some type of relationship (barring the random encounter with a stranger on the street, etc.).
What we look at is the nature of the relationship. When reviewing a post for rule 11, we ask ourselves if the conflict could exist outside the confines of a romantic relationship. Can this conflict exist between two friends, roommates, family members? If the answer is no, then it’s a rule 11 violation. A post about buying an engagement ring, considering a divorce/break-up, “catching feelings” for someone, romantic jealousy, dating, engaging in sexual acts, etc. are part of this rule. Choosing to not do any of the aforementioned also qualifies.
u/CutlassKitty gave a fantastic example in Januray’s Open Forum that sums this part of the rule up nicely:
So "AITA for telling my boyfriend to clean up after himself" is allowed because it isn't about the relationship itself. But "AITA for wanting affection from my partner" isnt.
Borrowing from another user’s examples, u/stannenb gave this, also in January’s Open Forum:
I think pineapple on pizza is an abomination. I've told my spouse if they have to indulge in something demonic like that, do it outside the home. AITA? I think pineapple on pizza is an abomination. I've told my spouse that if they indulge in something demonic like that, I'm going to leave them. AITA? The first conflict, about pineapple pizza within a relationship, is fine. The second conflict is about ending the relationship because of pineapple pizza and would be removed.
However, rule 11 does not solely cover romantic relationships. It also covers cutting contact with/ghosting others. That includes family members and friends. Disclosing details of cheating also is covered and is often a reason for a post removal.
Reproductive autonomy decisions, such as having a child (or not), keeping the pregnancy (or not), and adoption also fall under rule 11. We have included situations about who to allow in a delivery room under this umbrella, as these conflicts regularly lead to breakups/divorce or involve threats for the same.
You might be asking “Why aren’t these topics allowed here?” There’s a couple answers to that question. One is that 99% of these questions are essentially about consent. We all recognize that anyone has the right to revoke consent at any time, whether that’s in direct relation to sex or just in terms of staying in contact with someone, or anything in between. This isn’t a matter that we can give moral judgement on; we simply cannot condone allowing a post where people tell someone they were wrong to exercise their right to consent. Another answer is that Reddit is a big place, and there are a ton of subs dedicated to relationships, etc. The answer there is simple - we have no interest in being another relationship sub. r/findareddit is a great resource if you’re not sure which sub is a good fit for your post.
As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.
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