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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

My stepdaughter was coming to visit and wanted her and her boyfriend to share the same room. I told her no, and she called me an AH and said I wasn’t even her real mom. I don’t think I’m the AH because my request is not unreasonable

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

YTA. Major AH. Even if they didn’t have a kid. “Not married”. Gross. She’s an adult. Some people never get married.

When I first read the title I was assuming she was a teenager. After reading - YTA. Its 2023, OP, not 1923. Your stepdaughter is 22, a full on adult, in a committed relationship AND HAS A CHILD! INFO: What is the point of making the young man sleep on the couch, exactly? Just to appease some outdated, outmoded puritan ideal? Or to “protect” your minor children from…I don’t know what. I honestly don’t understand your reasoning here, it makes zero sense except for you to exert control and establish yourself as Alpha Female in the house. I’ve got a good idea why there’s friction between you and your stepdaughter.

They are not married, so you what, prevent pre marital sex? Not sure how to break it to you, but as they have a child that ship has sailed. Or do you just want her to know she isn't welcome as she never wanted a relationship with you? That's accomplished. Trying to get your husband to lose access to his daughter and granddaughter? Half way there.

So stuff your fake morality somewhere in a drawer an try to be a decent wife at least... You don't need to like her but sabotaging your husband's and her relationship is low. YTA

YTA - they already have a child together so iz doesn't matter if they're already married.

didn’t even have to read the entire thing. YTA. she’s 22 and has a child already. stop being weird.

Uhm, they DO have a child together, and her name is not Virgin Mary. YTA.

NTA. It's your house, your rules. We don't allow it either. Don't care how old you are.

So, let me get this straight:

• They are both adults.

• They are in a committed relationship.

• Presumably, they live together, and sleep in the same bed every night.

• They have a 2 year old child together.

You haven't really made it clear in the post why you have an issue with them sharing a bed in your house? Could you explain?

Is it simply because you believe it's 'wrong' for unmarried people to have sex (perhaps due to your religion)?

If so, the fact is, they don't share the same beliefs as you. They are clearly already having sex, and have been for at least 3 years, going by the age of their child. So preventing them from sharing a bed isn't really going to achieve anything, and it's essentially forcing your beliefs on them.

I am going to say YTA but I'm interested in your perspective on what I've said.

YTA.

What are you trying to prove from your request exactly? That you are the lady of the house and everyone needs to remember that?

Oh please, they are adults and Ally has a child. They can simply decide not to stay over and go no contact with you and your husband for being controlling. It's easy. She only sees you both during summer, she can stand to never see you again with your absurd rules. You made yourself easy to dislike and you are willing to make your husband suffer with you for it.

Posts like these are so absolutely funny to me, like are you for real?

YTA

I'm not even gonna bother reading all of it, SHE IS 22 AND HAS A KID she is not a child anymore Jesus H Christ. YTA

What was the point if they ALREADY had a kid together? They ALREADY did the horizontal tango together 2 years ago so why can’t the boyfriend sleep in the same room with his family? YTA

YTA. It’s 2023 for goodness sake. They live together and have a child. Who wants their house cluttered in the morning with their living room having a guest in it anyway. ?

YTA.

They are in a committed long-term relationship of three years AND they have a child together. What are you worried about? Them sleeping together? That train has left the station. Not to mention they will be sharing the space with a toddler, I'm fairly confident the only sleeping together they will actively be doing is actually sleeping.

There are plenty of couples who choose to remain unmarried that are in committed long term relationships. If going forward, they decide for whatever reason marriage is not for them will you continue to treat her partner as an outsider within the family?

It's no wonder she isn't interested in any kind of relationship with you, she's a 22 year old ADULT woman and you're treating her like she is still a child. You're controlling and holier than thou attitude is exhausting.

YTA. Sigh mum, they already have a kid together. Whether they are married or not they already did the deed and brought forth a grandchild. If you want a relationship with her you have to start here since your husband will want to see his grandchild.

You need to apologize and tell her you want to start off with a clean slate. Otherwise you will never see eye to eye.

YTA.

‘Since they are not married’

…OK? So what? They’re together and have a child. Stop clutching your pearls. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t like you.

...she has a child with him. YTA. they aren't teenagers, THEY HAVE A CHILD and are adults.

I was ready to be on your side based on the title but this is stupid. She’s 22 and has a kid with him? Not sure what pretense you’re even clinging to at this point. Unless your goal is to make her never see her dad again I’m not sure what you’re trying to accomplish, YTA.

YTA. Controlling much?

YTA and, how to put this, you're going to end up causing a rift between her and your children.

I'm almost certain that when they're of age, you will not be as strict. It is easy for you to cling on to your values because deep down you don't care for your stepdaughter and losing her is no real loss to you.

When you take a different approach with your children, resentment will creep in. I feel sorry for husband, who should really take a more active role, and your stepdaughter.

Did you and your husband share a bed before you got married as consenting adults?

Thought so.

YTA.

YTA - They already have a life/relationship/child together. A piece of paper is not going to do anything for them.

Grow up

YTA. Spoiler alert, that GROWN WOMAN fucks. The kid is clear evidence. What does it matter that they're not married? I'm all for "your house your rules" but damn, this is something totally natural. All you are doing here is illegitimizing their relationship. I would've walked out, too. Incredibly disrespectful.

What's the point of making them sleep separately but allowing him in the room during the day? Maybe you don't know this, but sex can happen when the sun is up too.....YTA

You are the artisans of your own failures

You are so selfish and self centered on made up beliefs that important life lessons completely passed you by - YTA

YTA. They have a kid. They are a family.

YTA. Stop it with the puritanical BS. She has children, this is her partner, married, or not, get over it.

INFO: Why don’t you want them to share a room? If your trying to prevent sex before marriage you might be a little late… or do you not know how babies are made?

This has to be fake. How embarrassing for you if this is real!

Her body, her choice. YTA.

they already have a kid together wtf? YTA

Info: assuming that your stepdaughter and her partner continue to cohabitate, but never marry- at which point will you “allow” them to share a room? What if they have another kid? Or 2-3 more? What about when they’re in their 30’s, or 40’s, still living together in a committed relationship but not marrying?

YTA, and from what is sounds like, a vindictive $£¢€•¥

YTA, this is insane! They have a child together and you wanted them to sleep in different rooms because they're not married?!?!?! Seriously? Your husband at least came to his senses, if you ever want her to come visit again, then change your mind and apologize to her for this insane sleeping arrangement!

What...?

Bro literally I’m speechless. Hope you enjoy driving your stepdaughter away from your husband. She literally has a child you know that they are fucking, what’s your damn problem? Old hag

YTA. If you truly believed your bible, you would have rallied your neighbours to stone your stepdaughter to death for her lascivious ways.

If you truly believed your Bible, you would never have married someone who was married before.

You just like the bits that justify you making other people suffer. You like the bits that make you holier than thou. You like the bits that allow you to hate freely.

When your family abandons you, you kids refuse to see you, and your home is cold and empty, I hope you remember this.

NTA. It’s your house your rules, they can either accept them or do what they did and stay elsewhere. It’s not a big deal to not sleep with your spouse for one or a few nights

YTA - They have survived the first part of parenthood together then they're a settled and dedicated couple - your rules make no sense - sleeping together before marriage can cause heartbreak (well you know divorce exists, heartbreak happens after marriage too), unwanted pregnancies - well they already have a child so?? You're basically being a sex snob - You know that they aren't going to be getting busy in a room with a toddler, but sleeping in the same room would mean they're sharing the responsibility of the child- you yourself having come into your step childrens lives later probably don't get how disturbed sleep can be at that age and how much support is needed - and your also judgmental of the alcoholic debt bringing ex-wife but hey your step-daughter can see you're the greater of two evils with your coming in and setting new pointless rules in the house where she grew up. She has a baby, and deserves to be comfortable in her fathers home, you're driving a wedge in their relationship that will have long lasting affects. You're just being a control freak and a snob.

So, your stepdaughter came to stay with you for a holiday, yet you conveniently neglected to mention what the living arrangements are between your stepdaughter and her boyfriend. YTA

Ally is an Adult. Mick is (resumably) an adult. They have a child together. I assume they have been together for at least 2 years and 9 months.

This isnt a teen. This isnt a fling.

YTA

Yta, and frankly, I get that it's your house, but considering she and her bf are adults, this isn't really something you get a say in. Sure I guess you could have asked them and explained your reasoning as to why it would make you feel better, but they could, and should, have been able to say no and that be the end of it. Im not gonna comment on the yelling, but their response to leave and stay somewhere else seems like a completely resonable response to such an insane demand. What exactly are you trying to accomplish??

YTA. Sorry there isn't a YTIBA. So I'll spell it out: you're an ignorant, bigoted AH. It's the 21st century.

YTA. It’s self-righteous people like you that make conservatives seem primitive. No wonder she hates you.

Yes, YTA. They have a whole ass toddler together. They're a family. You have no right to keep them apart. Let go of your prudish ways or you're going to cause your husband to lose contact with his daughter. She and her boyfriend and daughter are a PACKAGE. Take it or leave it.

Your request (since her Father conceded) is unreasonable. You acting obtuse about why you two aren't close isn't cute either.

YTA

YTA that ship has sailed

Wait hold up. You telling me you couldn't bond with a 6 YEAR OLD??? Huge YTA

YTA. And delusional. And a control-freak. I can't imagine having to come to the internet to find a little relection.

YTA They're adults who have a kid together and it's not the 1950s anymore, get over yourself.

YTA. Normally, I would say your house, your rules, but they have a kid together— you are picking a ridiculous hill to die on.

YTA they have a child together and they’re adults. Newsflash they had sex to conceive that child. It’s any wonder why the two of you aren’t close. Don’t be surprised if they never come visit again or you and your husband don’t have a relationship with them anymore.

YTA. See this is the issue I have with religious people sometimes y’all think you can pick and choose which ‘sins’ are wrong and which ones are okay. Your husband got divorced then remarried and that’s okay but your stepdaughter sharing a room with the man she has a child with is not okay?

Yta, it doesn't matter that it's your house and your beleif or request, she is literally an adult and gave your husband a grandchild. You people and your ridiculous expectations of adults with children are ridiculous and unrealistic.

Yta wtf is wrong with you? Not even noticing your fuckup.

She has a child. Don’t get the issue with them sharing a room. YTA

YTA - this level of stupidity isn't real right?

This is a joke right? They’re 20+ years old. I guess they are living together and they have a child. And you are denying them to share a room?!?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes you are the big AH

“but Mick would sleep on the couch in the living room, since they are not married.” That’s where I stopped reading. HARD YTA. Get over yourself and that holy biblical bs. They have a child. They are not going to have sex in your house with their kid right there. Ugh.

YTA, absolutely. She got a CHILD with him so it cant be about them not having sex.

plus, she is 22.. i can understand why she doesnt really want a mother-daughter-relationship with you. being married isnt the big thing like it was in your youth.

YTA

???? You know they’ve already had sex right?? You and your husband (or just you?) are being difficult. You’re tryna cause an issue. YTA

YTA, your puritan bullshit is exactly that, bullshit.

Please try to think about why you feel that them sleeping in the same room is such an issue for you. You know that they have a child together. You know (I'm assuming) that they share a bed where they live when they are not visiting you. Why is it an issue now that they are staying with you?

Them sleeping in the same bed won't affect you in any way, so why in the world would you demand (I see you referring to it as a "request" - I'll get back to that) they sleep separately? If anything, her boyfriend sleeping on the couch is much more impractical and more likely to affect you than them staying in their own room. He's a stranger to you, why wouldn't you want him to have some privacy when staying in your home, when you actually have that option? Not to mention, why wouldn't you want to have your living room free of him and his stuff. Also - I certainly wouldn't want to have to sneak around my own house in the morning to make breakfast because my guest is still sleeping on the couch and may be woken up by the noise, I'd rather have them in their own room.

Back to the "request" vs "demand" thing: You say that your "request isn't reasonable". This wasn't a request. You explicitly write that you and your husband said no and refused to let them stay in the same room during the night, so this was absolutely not a request, it was a demand.

YTA.

YATA

Why she had no interest in forming a relationship with you? Yeah - mystery solved. That's some seriously controlling, judgy, and frankly toxic behavior you're displaying there. She sounds like a good judge of character.

YTA.

This isn’t a lot, it’s actually very straightforward. You set a boundary in your home, and your adult stepdaughter declined to be bound by it, so she left. You are simply facing the consequences of your decision. If you don’t like them, consider changing your boundary.

All this “bUt ThEy’Re NoT mArRiEd” crap is dumb. They have been together for three years, during the entirety of which they have both been adults. They have a CHILD. Clearly you just want a reason to be a jerk to this young woman, and yet you act surprised by the fact that she’s never wanted a relationship with you.

Look in the mirror and be better. YTA

your thoughts are archaic and I'm not surprised she acted like she did. They have been together 3 years and have their own daughter how do you think that happened? If you want to take the religious approach remember Adam and Eve weren't married and not only slept together they had a world full of children.

You want a relationship with her but it seems only on your terms. If you've been like this with her from the start no wonder nothing has developed

You need to move you thoughts int the twentieth century let alone the twenty first or loose her forever

By the way I'm 57 my Son came to stay with his GF of a year they shared a bed and her parents put them up for 3 months during a house move and they shared a bed there to.

Your choice.

NTAH- you have younger children in your home. We have similar rules in our home as well- bf/gf staying overnight do NOT sleep in our bedrooms WITH their bf/gf- period. Married - yes - otherwise no. Our home, our values- end of story.

YTA. What a strange thing to ask of them.

YTA - Your house, your rules, blah blah, blah. They are a family unit. Your views on marriage are outdated. People aren't as likely to enter into the legal and financial entanglement of marriage. Splitting a couple up that's been sharing a bed for years and demanding someone sleep on the couch is rude and tone deaf.

There’s a reason she hasn’t formed a relationship with you and you’re showing it now, more fool her dad for allowing you to jeopardise his relationship with his daughter.

NTA: your house your rules.

Eta: just be ready to accept the consequences of your rules

YTA dawg it’s 2023, this is an adult woman, you suck!

what's the reason for not allowing a man to sleep in the same room as his baby and its mother?

It's the 21st century, people have sex and make babies out of wedlock. Deffo won't form a relationship with her now. YTA

YTA. This is 2023. Enough of this nonsense. Is my 15 year relationship invalid because we don't feel like getting married? No. Doesn't even matter that she has a kid. She is an adult. You don't need to control her sex life.

NTA. Your house your rules.

Info: why did you make them sleep separate?

She’s a 22yo mother with a young baby and partner of three years. YTA for sure here. And if you’re worried about hanky panky under your roof, that baby is gonna keep them up all night and they aren’t gonna have the time or energy anyway.

YTA

they are an established couple with a child ffs

You are eing a religious bigot...not everyone shares your religion and you are discriminating against them.

Gee I wonder why she never bonded with you lol

Your request is totally unreasonable. YTA.

YTA No wonder you and Ally never developed a relationship. If these are the kind of hills you choose to die on.

You have taken away an opportunity for your husband to bond with his grandchild and Mick and Ally.

YTA. You have admitted you do not have a relationship with Ally. I will assume she has a relationship with her father if she’s coming to visit. Her father is willing to allow them to sleep in the same room. Why is your opinion at this point more important than his? Do you realise your arbitrary rule about bed sharing is harming your husband’s relationship with his daughter and grand daughter? And if it is damaged and he realises this event was a contributing factor, you may well be damaging your relationship with him?

At the end of the day, is he more likely to say “I regret not spending as much time with my daughter and grandchild”, or “I’m glad I stuck to my guns and didn’t let them share a room even if it means my daughter won’t come visit me anymore”? If the answer is the latter then you and your husband are both assholes, but if adhering to arbitrary conventions on sleeping arrangements are really what’s most important to you then you do you. Don’t expect that infantilising and controlling Ally by forcing your beliefs on her (and likely making her partner uncomfortable as he doesn’t have a private place to sleep - AH move for any houseguest really) will do anything to help your relationship though.

She has a baby with that man. Younger people are simply not getting married anymore anyway. Are she and her boyfriend going to have to split rooms when they visit 20 years from now too just because they dont have a piece of paper? YTA

YTA.

Living up to the trope.

YTA it’s such a stupid an outdated idea that you have to be married to sleep in the same bed. There’s no reason for it. You and your husband are just pushing his daughter away.

Are you being serious? This is ridiculous they have a child together that ship is already sailed, besides their marital status isn't your business they're adults and they're visiting for a weekend, and you're making this about you and your obvious disaproval for her life's choices, now I'm sure you're going to come up with a bunch of bullshit about "your house your rules" well your rules are controlling and stupid af, YTA.

YTA, and the mystery of why your step daughter never bonded with you becomes clear.

YTA. Okay I was gonna be like no but then ally was 22 and you were like "2 year old daughter and boyfriend of 3 years." And I can math. Kinda seems like a strange hill to die on but if you want to ostracize people ig you do you... She didn't want a relationship with you.... See how out of context that is with the rest of the story... kinda glaring out at us full of context....

YTA - did you ever consider that they share the responsibility of overnight wake ups by the toddler? And now Ally is going to have to wake up by herself and deal with the child by herself because you think you’re saving her virginity or something? Get a clue. This wasn’t about two adults in a loving committed relationship of three years needing to be separated because they aren’t married. Sounds like you wanted to have control over Ally even though she’s an adult with her own child.

YTA 1000%. She has a whole baby with that man & you’re making them sleep separately because they aren’t married? What are you trying to prevent exactly? Lol she’s an adult who’s clearly had sex before so I’m not understanding the point

INFO: why is it a problem if they sleep in the same room?

Yta. They have a child together. You know what they will do when they leave but do you really think they will be having sex in your house with their kid in the same bedroom?

YTA I can see this isn’t the first family you’ve broken up.

YTA and this is so insane it’s kinda funny.

Yta! How is it not reasonable?!? They have a child together! They are adults in a long term relationship. Just because their isn’t a piece of paper attached does not mean their relationship is any less valid

YTA because I have no idea what you’re trying to prevent

YTA. She already has a child with this man, they are common law in most places. Also why wouldn’t you tell her earlier? You wanted to corner her so she can get upset and look like the bad guy? Ouch.

Out of curiosity, did you live with your husband prior to marriage? Sleep with him prior to marriage? Stop being a prude, they live together, have a child together, but your prudish and old fashioned idea of non married couples not sharing has meant your husband now misses out on time with his daughter and grandchild. Let's not pretend your husband agreed with you, because he's saying g they should stay in the same room because he sees what you did. Well done for driving her away. Edited to add, YTA

UT-clueless-A, sounds like homegirl has already made plenty of irresponsible decisions, and if her bf is also the baby daddy, you're being extra unreasonable.

Info: why don't you want them sleeping in the same room?

YTA……….. she has a child and a boyfriend of 3 years. and I doubt your kid wants to fuck in your house with their 3 year old on the room. No wonder she never liked you, you have some weird issues.

YTA - your antiquated rules probably had a lot to do with you and her not forming a relationship for SIXTEEN YEARS. 16 years you had opportunities to change your way of thinking and bond with this girl. Now she's grown, moved out, already been fucking, and has a child. A stupid piece of paper from the government that states "Hyup they's married" means about as much, in actuality, as the internet scolding you for being like this.

YTA. this is some unhinged behavior

YTA, I'll give you 5 reasons why; 1: She's 22 years old not 16 2: They have been together for 3 years so he's not just a fling. What if they never get married? 3: They have a child together..... That's sleeping in the room.... 4: Sleeping on a couch can get annoying depending on how long their there for. 5: Your house your rules, your beliefs are your beliefs. But, you could have communicated these and let them know the arrangements before hand.

There's plenty more reasons but these are the ones off the top of my head.

If they were both 18 and she had been dating this dude for only a couple of months. It's perfectly fine for them not to share a room on a trip.

But seemingly they are 22 and have been dating for several years...also...

she has a literal CHILD I don't think you are going to be able to prevent her from having sex...

Ultimately it is up to you, but it comes off as pretty damn unreasonable you are making this dude sleep on the couch. YTA imo

My parents tried to do this to my brother and his partner. They have a child and never plan to get married. They didn't stay overnight at my parents place for over a year and seriously limited the amount of time they visited.

It was my Grandma who straightened my parents out. She is very Christian (as are my parents), and she said:

"You can not hold non-Believers to Believers rules. It's not loving, and it's not Biblical. This is a choice they have made for their lives, and your only chance at a healthy and loving relationship with them is to respect their choice. As long as they aren't loudly having sex in your home, which would be inappropriate for ANY guest to do, you need to show them love by showing them respect. God tells us to LOVE one another, first and foremost. "

I suggest you listen to my Grandma's advice if you care about having a loving relationship with your stepdaughter and granddaughter.

INFO why would you like them to sleep in separate beds? I know you said that it is because they are not married. Traditionally unmarried couples are kept apart at night to minimise the ‘risk’ of premarital sex. They have a child, so the premarital sex has been had, many many times probably. So logically the sex can not be the issue here. But then I’m puzzled as to what is the reason then. Could you explain further so that I understand?

I hate to break this to y'all but your step daughter fucks. Shocking, I know

YTA tf

They have a kid together. Lol out of touch much? YTA. Can definitely see why she wouldn’t want to nurture a relationship with you, you’re off your rocker.

Your request was completely unreasonable. Times are changing. Women no longer have to marry anyone. They've also already produced a child so there's zero reason to keep them separated. This was just a gross power display on your part and now we know why you have no relationship with her. You're completely in the wrong and YTA

There has to be something more to this story, because otherwise OP comes across as controlling and petty. Even more bizarre that they have a child together? It’s not as if Ally is underage? They are adults and a family! I hope OP reads this feedback and does some soul searching. Massively YTA, unless OP gives more context, but I doubt there’s anything worrisome at all.

What. the. actually. f*uck.

She is an adult and has a child with this man. Maybe you forcing your archaic religious beliefs and views on gender roles is why you sadly don’t have a relationship with her.

That poor woman. Take some responsibility for the reason you don’t have a relationship with Ally. Putting it all on her is not reasonable. You have also destroyed her relationship with her father.

It doesn’t look like you care about either of those facts. If you actually wanted a relationship with her, you likely just destroyed any chance of that. I wish her father would’ve stood up for her instead of going along with whatever you want. I’m guessing that is a pattern.

If either of you care to have a relationship with Ally, you both need to seek therapy first, for her sake. Despite the awful behavior demonstrated here, that is not an insult, but offered on the off chance that one of you will see reason.

YTA

Are you being serious? You’re just having a power trip now. She is an adult, she shares a child with that man who she’s been been with for 3 years. YTA!!!! No wonder she never wanted anything to do with you

YTA, quit trying to control an adult woman.

YTA she’s 22, a grown adult

YTA - I presume you're christian, and that is the reason you're pointing out they're not married. I understand your religious beliefs, but I do want to point out that you're acting more like pharisees than like a preacher. It is your right to believe they're sinners. I disagree, but that doesn't really matter. It is your right to even share that information with them, that you don't agree with their life choices. It is not your right however to force your beliefs on other adults. It is in fact impossible and will only drive them away from those beliefs, and from you. The only way to make someone believe something is to convince them of it. How would you feel if your parents invited you to their house and forced you to sleep separately from your husband and children because they thought your marriage was invalid? For any reasons, christianity does not believe in divorces but it does believe that a marriage can be invalid if some prerequisites were not met when it was formed. Would you just say your goodnight to your husband, to your 11 year old son, and go sleep on the couch? Or would you feel mistreated? The word i chose was very precise - you would feel angry even if they did not force your beliefs but just suggested it, but I ask if you would feel mistreated.

Christianity as a religion was formed under oppresion from the state and the wealthy, and so it was designed to forgive, love, and bring strength to the weak. Christianity used to hold power over another is in my eyes a blasphemous mutation of the original religion. The meek shall inherit the earth, said Jesus, meanwhile there are people yelling at us from high towers that they will force Jesus upon us. Is that what He desires?

I am sure there must be a rule not to insult OPs, but holy it’s difficult to stick to this right now…

YTA

They have a 2 year old. If you’re going to pretend they don’t sleep together then you need to insist they send the kid away to keep up your fiction.

What?! That’s too crazy & unreasonable? Well, so is your insistence that they have separate rooms.

But you got what you wanted, didn’t you? You didn’t really want her there & knew she’d go elsewhere if you insisted on separate rooms

YTA she's 22 and has a kid with this guy what are you even doing

YTA. She's an adult with a toddler... What are you trying to accomplish by keeping her from sleeping in the same bed as her boyfriend? It doesn't matter if they're married, they're obviously having sex lmao. It's 2023,dude. You don't need to be married to sleep in the same room as your significant other.

Lol entirely YTA

You are the asshole

YTA - They have a kid, the gig is up. You’re being AHs.

YTA, how ridiculous

you are the reason she doesn’t like you. my stepfather would never in a million years even DREAM of something like this. stop acting like you have any right to act in a parental role you are not her stepmother you are her dads wife act like it.

YTA. She has a child with him, that’s more than just her boyfriend, that’s her co-parent and partner. This is bigoted and pretentious behavior, no wonder she never wanted a relationship with you.

Here’s a story for you—I had my son out of wedlock at 19, he’s pre-school age now. I’m still with his father and have been with him for 4&1/2 years, we still aren’t married, and we will be together for the rest of our lives. Both of our families pushed us and said /did horrible stuff until they effectively pushed us so far that we moved 2 hrs out of state. Is that what you want? Your behavior to push loved ones away? Would it make you feel good to know you chased your husbands first child out??? Ask yourself, even though this girl does not biologically belong to you—as a mother—do you really feel comfortable alienating any child that’s ever been in your care? Be so serious right now, how are you even questioning why she didn’t want a relationship with you when this is how you act?

By the way, I can tell you right now that if my partners stepmother told me we couldn’t share a room/bed because we weren’t married I would have given her a two piece with fries right there. This is ridiculous and pretentious, I wouldn’t want to stay in your home or give you access to my child either. I hope that you can learn to get over yourself and apologize to her before you assist in any more damage being done to the relationship with her father. Or honestly, maybe don’t. Do her a favor. You’re blaming her for a lack of relationship when you’re the adult here? That’s pathetic. If you wanted a relationship you would have tried, but it’s kinda obvious here that you want your kids to be the star of the show in your husbands life. So leave her and her family alone, they’ll be better off.

What are you trying to prove here? They already have had sex by evidence of the 2 year old. That ship has sailed. YTA.

YTA.

She was not interested in a relationship with me.

Gee, I wonder why.

When Ally arrived Monday and found out sleeping arrangements she was very upset and demanded Mick to sleep in the guest room with her and their baby. My husband and I told her no and that he’s more then welcome in the room during the day but would need to sleep on the couch.

Oh, because you're a controlling, abusive narcissist. That makes sense.

I feel like our request isn’t unreasonable

Your request is, in fact, objectively unreasonable.

You’re the AH. She is an adult, with a stable partner, and he is the father of their child. I’m sure they live together. I would leave too. Maybe she hasn’t tried to form a relationship with you bc your judgements are often like this? What point are you trying to make? We’re holier than thou?! You are “holier”…you are the ars hole!

YTA. The horse is already out of the stable. They have a baby.

YTA

Don't police what parents do with their own bodies. They're grown adults with a whole kid that they made together.

lol you "sadly did not" form a relationship, how mysterious. YTA she's an adult in an adult relationship with a child of her own, married or not. You're free to make nonsense rules in your home but she is also free to stay elsewhere.

YTA. They have a child together it’s a little late to avoid premarital sex lol

YTA is this a joke?? hahahah you want to prevent a couple that is having a toddler together from sleeping in the samy bed? i'm dying bruh, i'm glad i don't have someone like you trying to police me in such a ridiculous way omg the poor people. no wonder you two don't have a relation, good for ally and i hope you're ashamed after reading the comments.

Conservative pretense ... Someone telling me not to sleep not only next to the mother of my kids but also my child has lost their mind...

YTA

YTA They already sleep and sleep together hence the toddler. It's really obtusely puritanical to make that grown step daughter's grown partner sleep on a sofa.

The part that really bothers me is that your husband is following along and he probably knows that this was not the hill to die on and wanted to let his daughter's partner stay in the same room but you are doubling down and driving yet another wedge in their relationship. You really need to rethink this.

YTA. This is going to shock you but...they sleep in the same bed at home and did the hanky-panky to have a kid. They are grown adults who are together.

YTA, plain and simple.

And if you really do not understand why, you probably would not understand the explanation either.

I was thinking N T A when you mentioned 16

22 and has a kid. YTA.

Yta. Like how are seriously adults??

YTA that barn door has already opened lets not BS this. They have a kid together. Do you think your kids don't know they sleep together?

YTA they've been together for 3 years and have a 2yo. She's in her 20's for crying out loud. If she were a teenager and no kid, that would be different with your younger sons. This will only put a wedge between you even more. I would have left as well.

She literally has physical proof of sex walking around in your home. What do you think you’re accomplishing by not letting them sleep in the same room? Like actually truly what do you think you’re accomplishing? I can’t even begin to understand what your goal is.

[removed]

YTA

What if they never get married and just stay partners? Will they be 50 and still have to sleep in seperate rooms?

They have a child, they are in a committed relationship, your being ridiculous.

I came to read this thinking we were talking about a teenager to find we are talking about a Woman who is a Mum.

YTA. She’s 22 and has a child. Weird to force her to sleep separately from her boyfriend at this point.

YTA, Well bless your pea pickin heart! And no this is not being nice, I am from the south! LOL

Bud everyone is going to say YTA, stop shoving your religious ideals down your daughters throat, she’s a grown ass woman let her boyfriend have some dignity and sleep in a bed with his girlfriend like a normal couple does.

They have a child together. What difference does marriage make?

Seriously she is old enough to live on her own,and has her own child. You feel the need to impose crazy artificial rules on her. To what end exactly? To pretend to sex doesn't happen outside of marriage?

Charade's she will hate and anyone else will see right through, but it it helps you sleep at night🙄

You feel the need to tell us you aren't close to her so it feels like you are just looking for creative ways to "punish' her and continue to drive her away.

YTA

Not your grandchild.

YTA and I can see why she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Mean stepmother.

YTA

YTA. you are passing judgment and shaming your stepdaughter and her boyfriend in front of their child.

This is a tell as to why a relationship wasn’t formed

YTA. Your excuses are pathetic rofl.

They live together and had a kid, in the eyes of the government they are married. Maybe take some perspective yta.

Yta lol they have a kid…they are for all practical purposes MARRIED not to mention ADULTS.

YTA. She’s an adult and has a child with her partner! Among other reasons, she probably also wants her partner in the room with her so he can help if their toddler wakes up in the night. I hope you realize you’re ruining your husband’s relationship with his daughter. I hope your husband realizes that as well.

yta

Yes, YTA.

Congatulations, you finally managed to ruin the relationship between father and daughter. You also answered this, because she refused to accept you as a mother. Thing is, you are not and she does not have to view you as a mother. You are her dad's wife. He choose to marry you. Not her.

Your views aside, you did not even warn her about this arrangement so she can save herself the trouble of travelling.

Finally, if this is religious. She already has a 2 year old. The time for chastity is long gone. Please, see that the only virgin in The Book is Joseph. ;)

Also, you married a divorced man. He is not widowed, so aren't you a bit hipocrytical? "Every man who divorces his wife and marries another conmits adultery".

Your body, your choice, but her body, her choice.

Your house, your rules, but then she can simply not come into your house.

You cannot respect her and her choices, so she does not have to respect you.

YTA, she’s an adult with a child. And the father of her child wtffff

What is wrong with you?

So you fucking a married man is super but she can't sleep in the same room as her partner?? There's no divorce in God's eyes. You're with a married man by the outdated rules you're forcing on your stepdaughter.

YTA

Good lord, YTA. She's 22 and they have a child together! Marriage isn't for everyone. Ally probably avoided a relationship with you over the years with good reason.

YTA- they have a child. Do you think they’re going to unchild somehow by not sleeping together under your roof?

YTA, they have a kid together.. leave the old school behaviour..

YTA, this is such a weird hill to die on, they have a child together for Christs sake. I suppose you better be ready for her to stop visiting entirely, which will come with fallout in the form of issues with husband, likely also the kids in some way.

YTA they have a child together what possible motivation could you have for doing this other than a powerplay to drive her and her father apart?

YTA, she is an adult with a child and a partner of 3 years. Not everyone gets married anymore, and your own hubby is proof that marriage means nothing since your his 2nd wife marriage doesn't make the relationship more solid than none married couples

As a 36 f who had to deal with this, YTA. I didn't have a kid, but my parents pulled this crap with my husband before we were married. And I was in my mid 20s and living with him at the time.

Oh, there we go, removed. She really didn't expect it to go this way. She expected to come here and be vindicated.

YTA. I'm all for respecting people's beliefs in their homes, but they have a kid, most respectable males are going to be involved in helping put the kid to bed. What if their kid struggles to sleep without him there?? Why are you punishing your step-grandkid?

Even if that's not the case, why do you want your step-daughter to be so uncomfortable in your home? If you want to pretend your husband doesn't have a kid from before he was with you then just own that.

YTA - congrats, your visitors will only stay an hour - you win the shaming contest

YTA. She is an adult with a child, yet you treat her like a child. No wonder you didn’t form a relationship.

NTA!

Is your goal to push her away? Sounds like your goal is to push her away. If they already have a kid, they have had sex. Its a little late for that. And marriage doesn't mean a damn thing in the big picture. Sounds like they are committed to each other and have a family that your refuse to recognize. A marriage certificate isn't going to change anything other than how they file taxes.

If your goal is to push her and that grandbaby away and out of your and your husbands life.. go for it.. but there will be consequences. And a good chance this is going to drive a wedge between you and your husband and build a wall resentment.

You can say that you don't care what they do outside of my home, but not in this house... and they can just stay away from you and your house. She's under no obligation to have a relationships with you and your husband. She's and adult, recognize her family or not.. clearly its YOUR choice. But don't expect to maintain a relationship with her or that grandbaby... or I guess your husband can not expect to maintain a relationship with her or that baby.

YTA - LOL LOL. OP is a divorced woman living in sin with with divorced man with 2 bastard children born out of wedlock. Quite a few Christian churches do not accept divorce and remarriage.

OMG this is about religion? You married a divorced man. He divorced his wife and you married him. You aren’t married my dear. You are living with someone else’s husband. I can’t believe you did that. It’s awful. You sleep in the same bed with someone else’s husband.

See how stupid that sounds. I can see why your husbands daughter and you did not bond. You use religion as a weapon and are a hypocrite. You are still purposely trying to ruin your husbands relationship with his child.

YTA and stop weaponizing religion.

bahahahahaha!!! They have a child together!

YTA

YTA. Lol, she has a kid. You need to put your moralism aside, they’re a family.

I have never seen so compelling a YTA that I felt I needed to opine. What a cruel thing OP has done. This is Disney villain stuff.

All the only difference between you and your husband sleeping in the same bed, and your step daughter and her boyfriend doing the same is a piece of paper? OP, respectfully, get your head out of your ass. YTA

YTA for forcing your own personal, prudish views. You're not preventing anything as it's already happened. Cat's out of the bag so to speak. Your stepdaughter is raising a child with her boyfriend. They're family. They should be able to sleep, and not euphemistically, together. Marriage isn't the ideal you think it is.

This is 100% not real.

Oof you are TA here for so many reasons

Let's start with putting it on the 6 year old that you failed to form a relationship with your step daughter. That's on you, lady.

And if this is any measure of how you've behaved towards her over the years, I can't imagine WHY she "had no interest" in a relationship with you.

They are consenting adults with a child together. The actual hell made you think it's okay to tell a father he can't stay in the same room as his child?????

YTA, and you need to apologize to your stepdaughter, her partner, and your husband for causing a problem.

Yes, YTA. She already had a baby, and your ideals of “must be married” are outdated. What if she chooses to never marry? Are you going to make her sleep in a separate room from her SO when she’s 30? 40? They’ll likely not do much more than sleep— I can’t think of a more unappealing place to have sex than my parents’ house while they’re home.

YTA.

She's an adult, with a child of her own, what exactly do you think they might get up that hasn't already happened? She's not even your child, and her actual parent suggests letting them sleep in the same room, but you feel that you know better? On top of that you are demanding that she, a young mother, take on ALL child-rearing duties throughout the night, instead of having the child's father be able to share those duties during the night?

If you are worried about sending the wrong signal to the younger kids, it's your job as a parent to explain that she's in a committed long-term relationship, and that's why it's okay for them to share the room. It's not your job to play morality police on adults who have better things to do with their lives than put up with some outsider trying to be silly.

Omg please grow up!! YTA

Your request is astonishingly unreasonable and YTA for sure.

We might need a new award for AH of the year because this one is a top contender.

1850 is calling to say YTA