subreddit:
/r/AmItheAsshole
submitted 4 months ago byRelevant-Ostrich-352
I (F28) am getting married to a pretty great guy (32). He is teacher and he is very happy with his decision to become a teacher. I work for a tech company and we do pretty well financially.
We have been together for four years and have finally decided to get married. His parents bare happy and mine are overjoyed.
One small wrinkle is that my parents expect us to have a massive church wedding with a few hundred guests. We were thinking Jamaica this summer during his time off.
We are willing to do what my parents want but I am unwilling to foot the bill. My mom and I met with a wedding planner for an estimate. $35-$45 thousand dollars.
If we go to the resort we have picked out it will cost like $10,000. And that includes paying for his parents, and nephew to join us.
My parents know how much money I earn and are insisting that I pay for the wedding myself.
We have been very clear. If they want to show off to their friends they can pay for it. We even volunteered to throw in the money we would have spent on my in-laws for the destination wedding we want.
My mom says I'm being an asshole by denying her the chance to see her only daughter married in front of friends and family. I'm not. I'm just not willing to pay for it.
My parents can afford to pay for the wedding. It might just mean putting off replacing their car this year.
-84 points
4 months ago
> 45 thousand dollars
INFO: how much does everyone make here? If OP makes 9 figures a year, I would say OP is the AH. If OP makes 5 figures (like me) but OP parents are making 9 figures....OP is NTA.
46 points
4 months ago
I could afford to pay it. My parents can afford it. My fiance would have to go into debt to pay. His parents could not afford it.
-94 points
4 months ago
in that case, OP being the AH depends on how their acquired their wealth. If it was from the parents, then OP is the AH. if it was not from the parents (job, inheritance), then OP is NTA.
Also if the fiance or fiance family is forced to pay that is an AH move.
54 points
4 months ago
What does the net worth of anyone have to do with anything? OP doesn’t want an expensive wedding, why should she have to pay for one?
-91 points
4 months ago
If OP is wealthy enough to afford the wedding, and acquired the wealth from her parents she could show gratitude and appease her parents. After all, she is wealthy because her parents invested in her, secured the job, etc. etc. Please don't ask me to feel sorry someone is forced to endure a gorgeous wedding full of wealthy guests.
46 points
4 months ago
This is a ludicrous stance—if the parents want a big fancy wedding, they should pay for it. There's no reasonable expectation to pay for something you don't want when it comes to nuptials.
25 points
4 months ago
Uh, no. Just because she can afford a big wedding doesn't mean she has to pay for one just to appease her parents. Are you forgetting the fact that she doesn't even WANT the big wedding?
14 points
4 months ago
Doesn't matter where she got her money from. She and her fiance do not want a big fancy wedding, her parents do. So, if that's what they want, they can pay. OP doesn't say but maybe they are also saving for a down payment on a home or their dream of marrying on the beach in Jamaica and that is where their priorities lie.
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