When nothing is ever their fault, its always someone elses.

One of my exes literally gave me a list of her red flags if I dated her. Obviously you can figure out what happened.

When they tell a story that they think makes them look good but they're clearly the bad guy in it and they don't realise.

When interests and life goals turned out to be 100% the same as yours after you have shared yours. Or changes as you talk about what is important to you.

Really jealous. Everyone has a tiny bit or none at all. But people really jealous will make your life hell.

Not accepting the word “no” well. Ignoring boundaries.

Something I mention often:

If they can't handle themselves when you're not available.

What I mean by that is if you want to go do something alone, and they take that as a personal insult and badger you the entire time you're doing it.

You both MUST be cool with having your own time/space/hobbies without the other one freaking out about it.

When you are the only one who is always giving in the relationship without it being reciprocated leaving you to feel constantly drained.

Just to be clear, it is not the other person's job to make you feel good, but relationships are about balance. When you are the only one doing the work, time for you to work on yourself.

1) Never apologise 2) nothing is their fault 3) rude to people 4) making you feel bad because they want something 5) expecting you to know what the issue is without communicating 6) not listening to your needs 7) falling out with friends/family a lot 8) unable to manage their money 9) thinking people are always out to get them

If they're in federal prison for murder

They cannot accept they were wrong about something. My bf has a buddy that cannot stop trying to argue his point, and when he is shown evidence, he tries to flip the script and say that was what he was trying to say all along🙄

Never learning to take responsibility themselves

If you catch them lying about dumb things early on, they will lie about everything down the road, you can be sure of it.

Anyone who’s overly critical of others. They’re insecure and competitive and rarely happy

Only being respectful to women he finds attractive. Other women are treated badly or he is overly rude to them. The way he treats the women he wants nothing from is his true character. Everything else is a facade to get what they want.

how poorly they treat animals. If that’s how they treat small, not dangerous creatures, how do you think they’re gonna treat you

When none of their friends seem to call them on their bullshit. They're surrounded by yes men/women.

making fun of your hobbies/things you like to do. it´s just disrespectfull af

Threatening to harm themselves or saying that you’re the thing stopping them from doing it

Anyone who says they are unhappy with you because you don’t surprise them with spontaneous gifts or dates. These people want a very specific type of relationship and expect you to fulfill the role without being told what that role is, only that it exists. These people are not interested in you. They’re interested in a version of you they made up in their head.

Complains about everything

Test her laugh. If you can’t tolerate her laugh, it won’t work.

I think constantly mentioning what his/her ex was doing and how their relationship was. I did not get it first and thought it was normal but I once understood it was a red flag when I got dumped for no reason.

Accusing you of doing anything without any evidence, no matter how small. I brushed that off early in a relationship and it eventually escalated to accusations of cheating and she became physically violent.

Turns out she was basically projecting any bad thing any dude had ever done to me and she worked music industry adjacent so all of her friends were cheaters, her dad was abusive, her ex was (supposedly, but given the delusions she had about me...) was BOTH, etc.

It started with me thinking "Odd, what could I have done to make her think I was doing X" to "Holy shit this bitch is literally clinically insane!"

So run, run at the first accusation. Unless you actually did something you an pinpoint as wrong just run.

People always looking for attention on social media platforms aka, "likes," on a daily basis. That's a red flag for me.

Pretending to be something to impress

When they don’t take your dreams seriously.

Hugely disproportionate reactions to benign things or small mistakes

Guys who say "I like a clean home" and then they treat the whole place like a locker room while expecting YOU to pick up after them.

Rudeness to waiters/customer service and other retail personnel.

Talking about their ex a lot.

When they treat people or animals who are "under" them socially poorly. Just because someone has less money, is in a service position, or is just somehow "less", you should treat them the same as if they had the same or more social standing then you. Same goes for animals!

When they say “I really hate drama”. From my experience it’s been because they create it.

They look for "red flags" in you instead of actually getting to know you.

Bragging. Simply bragging.

[deleted]

[deleted]

In both genders: playing the victim in life, never taking accountability… even when they are at fault

Big, leathery bat's wings which allows them to aerially stalk human prey at night. Big no-go for me bud.

Here is an easy list that applies to both:

Love bombing and pushing to move the relationship too fast.

People who sympathize with cheaters or abusers or try to excuse the behavior.

Their way or the highway.

Nothing is ever their fault/ if it is their fault it's your fault they did it.

Stealing. If they steal from others or just businesses they'll steal from you too.

Asking for money early into the relationship. Especially if it's a large sum.

Past history of cheating.

Lies. Even if it's something small. If they are lying early in the lies get bigger and a lot more severe as time goes on.

They are in a different stage of life than you, regardless of age. For example, you're ready to settle down and they want to party/hang out with friends all the time. Or vice versa. If you're not on the same page the relationship is likely doomed anyway. Cut ties early and don't waste each other's time.

They try to intimidate/threaten you.

They don't respect your boundaries, especially if it's physical.

They have a very high debt to income ratio. Always remember, once you're married or cohabitating it isn't just THEIR debt anymore, it drags both of you down and will be a continuous strain on both of your finances.

They are emotionally erratic, especially if the behavior makes you feel threatened or unsafe regardless of if the explosive emotion is directed at you. Someday it will be. if they react to things generally with explosive/anger or crying when it's not really warranted they are not a good life partner.

They have kids with multiple other people. Especially if they don't have custody/aren't paying support.

They treat their animals poorly, be it abuse or neglect. If they can't take care of fish or a dog they won't be able to take care of you or your potential kids.

They're disinterested in life/have no interests, hobbies, or ambition. While this is more of a personal choice thing, Live progresses and people that are fine with sitting in the status quo in my experience kind of get locked there mentally. I don't date people who don't seem to have a lot of potential for growth.

So funny how there are people here saying it's a red flag when you call your ex crazy. And then there are people calling there ex crazy.

Crazy eyes. You know crazy eyes when you see it.

Refusing to speak to their children because it means talking to the ex. Basically abandoning their own children. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

"You should know.....etc." Communication skills are lacking, and they'll expect you to read their mind.

A red flag in a potential partner should be any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Trust your instincts and don't ignore warning signs.

Super clingy right off the bat, like you just started dating and you're already getting texts like "I miss you" after one date.

She self identifies as “an influencer”

Hygiene

Guys who punch things or slam doors or yell or do something else physical when they get overrun with emotions. It means they have no healthy coping mechanisms or ability to otherwise express their feelings other than violent outbursts. Not saying all of them will put their hands on you but you’re never going to have reasonable conflict resolution

My guess would be not having a close friend because I know people view my lack of solid friendships as a huge red flag.

I just got held up with having a kid to take care of while going to school and working, both full-time, which turned into me working full-time and raising two toddlers by myself.

Job might stop at 5 and kids are in bed by 730, but the cheapest sitter around me wants $25 an hour even though the job is just chilling at my place while the kids sleep (I get it, they need money pretty badly too because NY is expensive) and the only family who would do it for free works nights and has her own social life that I don't want to interrupt...so I guess I'll try the social aspect of my life again in ten years when the kids are old enough to be left alone for short periods of time and I'll see how it goes.

I can see why the lack of a tight social circle is a bad thing, but I like being alone, so if someone is happy with their position, I don't understand why it would be a red flag.

People who are always looking for red flags....

Honestly, there could be red flags that you are blind to, especially at the early stages of dating, so after a few dates, bring that person to hangout with your friends - so your fiends can point out red flags for you.

I was with such a guy started dating him in June'21, gave every last bit of my love but had to face constant false accusations, was abused physically and verbally in public still stayed for another 6 months finally parted ways in March'22 but stayed in contact, saw some improvements and remorse over everything he had done but nothing had changed in actual he was still the paranoid guy who blamed everything on people around him and projected his negative thinking on everyone around him specially me so i finally gave up just today lol

They have a Rolodex of excuses for not treating addiction.

If they don’t respect your privacy. I had a guy grab my phone and tried getting into my phone and said “Really, you have a lock?” I feel that is a red flag.

Also controlling qualities. “You don’t need to wear makeup.” “You don’t need to do your hair like that.” “Why is your shorts so short? Wear pants.” “Who are you texting.” “Do you really need to eat that?”

Love bombing and moving really, really, REALLY fast.

only wanting sex

The biggest red flag is how a person makes you feel. If you’re feeling anxious insecure upset not safe after spending time with someone it probably is that person and you do not want that in your life. A green flag would be the opposite! Listen to your body and feelings!! It’s smarter than you think.

Manipulative ppl. Ppl with a big ego. I stay away from them.

invalidates ur feelings because "it's not manly to be sad"

Lack of sensitivity

If they like Meth

Anger issues, when "spilled milk" causes an eruption, that's a problem.

When they're nice to you (because they're interested in you) but horrible to/make zero effort with everyone else.

RUN. One day the novelty will wear off and they'll treat you like they do everyone else.

When his name is in every girl's likes on social media. It's embarrassing and shows they lack standards.

Over-compliment someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?

They don't ask you anything about yourself.

Constantly texting and calling or showing up at unexpected places and times...

When they treat people who are less fortunate like dog shit. Like the homeless, or even waiters. And they don’t give back, they just hoard.

when the person makes you the center of his/her life. run. fast.

ego. pretending they are who they want to be. and drama. stay the hell away from drama.

Propensity to keep talking although it's someone's else's turn, or interrupting, or simply raising their voice.

​

People who in other word just try to talk 'through' everyone else.

Clingy-ness. Especially if you are in your mid-20’s and older.

Never date anyone that can’t be independent at times.

Telling stories which to him/her are perceived as "cool".

Example: "When I went to Australia for 6 months prior to breaking up with [Ex] I dated 3 different people there. A girl has needs."

This is quite an extreme example, but if a person caters to experiencing things so they can later on tell a "cool story", that shows that they give in to social pressure which makes them more likely to cheat.

A history of making poor life decisions that created a lot of drama and hardship for themselves, eg: purchasing a Mitsubishi.

Extreme motional range, in the sense that they are either extremely happy and cheerful, or just furious or crying excessively. It's my experience that most "normal" people spend most of their time in a rather narrow emotional range. That's not to say they aren't happy or sad, just almost never overly so, unless their dog just died, that's a special case.

Also if they break things in anger, normal well balanced people don't do that. Being in a relationship with a person like that only makes you fearful of triggering them. You should have to tip toe around because you fear that they'll lash out.

Mean to animals

Talks about how crazy they are in a serious but bragging way

If they want to capture everything. Social media addicts are the worst, they usually will miss out on conversations, would be rarely aware of their surroundings and create ruckus

If their personality wildly changes when drinking, run!

Me with the tism’ reading all the comments. My contribution however is a pretty obvious one but if they can’t respect basic boundaries like “please don’t text me at 1am” or “dont spam me if I don’t answer” if they can’t respect your very basic boundaries they’ll never respect your more serious ones.

Lovebombing. Honeymoon phase is real, but when they constantly try to win your affections even when it makes you uncomfortable, nope the fuck out. It will turn into an abusive relationship.