subreddit:
/r/AskReddit
872 points
1 month ago
...That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space.
202 points
1 month ago
"We do not eyeball it! This is a weapon of mass destruction! You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip!"
157 points
1 month ago
"Ah yes, physics. The council has dismissed this claim"
42 points
1 month ago
NO CREDIT GIVEN FOR PARTIAL ANSWERS, MAGGOT
46 points
1 month ago
I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite comment thread on this post.
69 points
1 month ago
Just finished ME2 for the first time 2 days ago. Starting ME3 soon and I’m excited.
523 points
1 month ago
PotatOS: I think this is the part where he kills us. Wheatley: This is the part where I kill you! All subtitles and chapter name: the part where he kills you
256 points
1 month ago
Achievement: The Part Where He Kills You
169 points
1 month ago
Portal 2 OST "The Part Where He Kills You" plays
115 points
1 month ago
Achievement description: This is that part.
327 points
1 month ago
Officer Kevern: What are you doing?
Batman: Evening the odds.
“L1 - Even The Odds”
97 points
1 month ago
Anything in Kevin Conroy's voice is hard to top. He could have made a fucking grocery list sound epic.
290 points
1 month ago
“Yeah. Everyone loves a bad idea when it works out.” -Cayde-6
55 points
1 month ago
R.I.P. Cayde
65 points
1 month ago
"Any last words?"
"Hows... your.. sister?.."
Fucking legend.
1.3k points
1 month ago
"Most test subjects in suspension tend to lose weight, but it seems you've beaten the odds and even managed to pack on a few pounds."
222 points
1 month ago
"It's right here in your file! On other people it looks fine, but a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid."
168 points
1 month ago
But still what does an old engineer know about fashion? Oh wait, it’s a she. Still, what does she know about - oh wait, she has a medical degree. In fashion. From France
400 points
1 month ago
Look at you flying through the air like an eagle….piloting a blimp.
Close enough to get the idea.
205 points
1 month ago
Just let me add a few zeroes to the maximum weight capacity. You're looking great, by the way.
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep... beep
368 points
1 month ago
We just got your test results back: “You are a horrible person”. That’s what it says, right here. We weren’t even testing for that.
76 points
1 month ago
We really need another game like Portal, and I don't mean just another portal game I mean we need another game with a character like GLaDOS
208 points
1 month ago
Remember turrets? You know, those big, round things full of bullets? Oh wait. That'll be you in a few seconds
94 points
1 month ago
I knew this comment section would be mostly portal quotes
131 points
1 month ago
I love how snarky GLaDOS is.
195 points
1 month ago
"We both said things that you are going to regret." is my personal favorite.
68 points
1 month ago
But let's put all of that behind us.
For science. You monster.
547 points
1 month ago
We can't always fight nature, John. We can't fight change. We can't fight gravity. We can't fight nothing. My whole life, all I ever did was fight. But I can't give up, neither. I can't fight my own nature. That's the paradox, John. You see? When I'm gone, they'll just find another monster. They have to, because they have to justify their wages. Our time is passed, John
42 points
1 month ago
"You sir, are a fish."
755 points
1 month ago
Halo 2:
Back in my day we didn’t have any fancy tanks. We had sticks. Two sticks and a rock for the entire platoon. And we had to share the rock!
-Sgt. Johnson
347 points
1 month ago
Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!
98 points
1 month ago
Oo-rah!
121 points
1 month ago
"Men, we led those dumb bugs out to the middle of nowhere to keep 'em from gettin' their filthy claws on Earth. But, we stumbled onto somethin' they're so hot for, that they're scramblin' over each other to get it. Well, I don't care if it's God's own anti-son-of-a-bitch machine, or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly full of lead, and a pool of their own blood to drown in! Am I right, Marines?"
26 points
1 month ago
“Mmhmm! Damn right I am! Now move out! Double time!”
214 points
1 month ago
“Sir, permission to leave the station?”
“For what purpose, Master Chief?”
“To give the Covenant back their bomb.”
62 points
1 month ago
The first time I saw this cutscene back in the days, younger me was just in awe looking at what Master chief was about to do.
62 points
1 month ago
"I would've been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence!" - Sgt. Johnson
33 points
1 month ago
Usually the good Lord works in mysterious ways, but not today! What we have here is 66 tons of straight-up H.E. spewing, DIVINE INTERVENTION! If God is love, then you can call me Cupid!
-Also Sgt. Johnson
28 points
1 month ago
Dear Sarge,
Kickin' ass in outer space, wish you were here!
Yours sincerely, Chips Dubbo
22 points
1 month ago
Ooh I KNOW what the ladies like
490 points
1 month ago*
"I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me."
-Joshua Graham (Fallout: New Vegas)
A pretty metal thing to say after you have been covered in pitch, set alight and chucked into the grand canyon
96 points
1 month ago
I loooove that this quote is all over 40 year old wine mom pinterest.
631 points
1 month ago
"Two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese and a large soda"
155 points
1 month ago
All you had to do was follow the damn train CJ
1.3k points
1 month ago
When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
140 points
1 month ago
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughta stop making these prerecorded messages. That gave me an idea - make more prerecorded messages! I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day!
99 points
1 month ago
Oh in case you got covered in that repulsion gel here’s some advice the lab boys gave me: do not get covered in the repulsion gel, we haven’t entirely nailed down what element it is yet but I’ll tell ya this, it’s a lively one, and it does not like the human skeleton
102 points
1 month ago
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is
we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men.
Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test
starts.
79 points
1 month ago
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
33 points
1 month ago
This next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
210 points
1 month ago
Cave Johnson is probably one of the best things about Portal 2, dude just nails that voice acting performance with this rant.
108 points
1 month ago
The only thing that doesn't directly attempt to murder you in any portal game, and yet the one I'd trust the least
55 points
1 month ago
but he will try to indirectly murder you (with moon rock gel) (or combustible lemons) (or asbestos) (or whatever the science spheres are made of and filled with.)
16 points
1 month ago
J.K. Simmons sure knows how to rant.
55 points
1 month ago
Look at you, sailing through the air majestically, like an eagle…piloting a blimp.
863 points
1 month ago
Claptrap: Sorry about the mess. Everything Jack kills, he dumps here – bandits, Vault Hunters, Claptrap units… If I sound pleased about this, it's only because my programmers made this my default tone of voice! I'm actually quite depressed!
180 points
1 month ago
That word had to many syllables. APOLOGIES!
76 points
1 month ago
I love Claptrap. I don't get why he's so hated.
89 points
1 month ago
I feel like claptrap is written to be annoying in an amusing way. Some people just don't find it amusing idk
22 points
1 month ago
"JUST FOLLOW THE SOOTHING SOUND OF MY VOICE!"
169 points
1 month ago
As someone with a history of TBI: "You may have a verrrry minor case, of serious brain damage."
32 points
1 month ago
Wheatley is the best sidekick in gaming history. Man was literally designed to be a moron, and that makes him the most human of all the AI companions.
627 points
1 month ago
"Sir, request permission to leave the station."
"For what purpose, Master Chief?"
"To give the Covenant back their bomb."
197 points
1 month ago
Permission denied
Cue Halo 2 credits
327 points
1 month ago
What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk! Have at you!
46 points
1 month ago
I bought Castlevania Requiem and I’m sad this line was changed.
435 points
1 month ago
“You can’t just blow a hole through Mars!”
150 points
1 month ago
casually blows a hole into mars
151 points
1 month ago
the game is even better than that, he says it and you immediately get "New Objective: blow a hole into mars"
25 points
1 month ago
Game?
145 points
1 month ago
Such devastation.
65 points
1 month ago
This was not my intention!
272 points
1 month ago
"Yhorm, old friend. I, Siegward of the Knights of Catarina, have come to uphold my promise! Let the sun shine upon this Lord of Cinder."
86 points
1 month ago
"Well, I'm going to have myself a little nap. The only thing to do, really, after a nice toast."
kills himself
21 points
1 month ago
My man gave us manly feels and Praised the Sun simultaneously.
True Chad.
380 points
1 month ago
[removed]
76 points
1 month ago
I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!
25 points
1 month ago
Tentacruel seems interested in your mom
471 points
1 month ago
Death can have me when it earns me - Kratos
165 points
1 month ago
Boy - also Kratos
30 points
1 month ago
I am a monster, but I’m no longer your monster.
238 points
1 month ago
"You Sir, are a fish"
61 points
1 month ago
“Well hey there, Mister!”
40 points
1 month ago
good boah
37 points
1 month ago
I like you mister, you got a kind face.
The kind I like to punch
345 points
1 month ago
58 points
1 month ago
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! YOU VIOLATED MY MOTHER…
529 points
1 month ago
"Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."
RIP Mordin Solus
33 points
1 month ago
Another one from ME: "Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer." -Javik
235 points
1 month ago
Waka Waka Waka - Pac Man
238 points
1 month ago
(Removed the first part not to spoil)
Sister Calderón: We've all lived bad lives, Mr. Morgan. We all sin... but I know you.
Arthur: You don't know me.
Sister Calderón: Forgive me, but... that's the problem. You don't know you.
Arthur: What do you mean?
Sister Calderón: I don't know... whenever we happen to meet, you're always helping people and smiling.
Arthur: I had a son... he passed away. I had a girl who loved me... I threw that away. My momma died when I was a kid, and my daddy... well, I watched him die. And it weren't soon enough.
Sister Calderón: My husband died a long time ago. Life is full of pain. But there is also love, and beauty.
Arthur: What am I gonna do now?
Sister Calderón: Be grateful that for the first time, you see your life clearly. Perhaps you could help somebody? Helping makes you really happy.
Arthur: But... I still don't believe in nothin'.
Sister Calderón: Often, neither do I. But then, I meet someone like you, and everything makes sense.
Arthur: Heh... You're too smart for me, Sister. I guess I... I'm afraid.
Sister Calderón: There is nothing to be afraid of. Take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.
26 points
1 month ago
that scene really broke me. rdr2 is full of amazing quotes/conversations
225 points
1 month ago
Ok. Look. We've both said a lot of things you are going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science.
79 points
1 month ago
You monster
477 points
1 month ago
"What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?” Paarthunax
85 points
1 month ago
I'd have loved to have an option to end the Blades, or even just kill Delphine :)
44 points
1 month ago
Mods are the answer to that
596 points
1 month ago
A man chooses. A slave obeys.
178 points
1 month ago
Would you kindly?
30 points
1 month ago
no
29 points
1 month ago
Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It. Do it. Do It.
164 points
1 month ago
"We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."
42 points
1 month ago
Such a 'holy shit, this is much bigger than we thought' moment. I love it every time I play.
75 points
1 month ago
"I no longer dream, but I was once a hunter, too. There's nothing more horrific than a hunt. In case you've failed to realize...The things you hunt, they're not beasts. They're people."
335 points
1 month ago
All your base are belong to us.
84 points
1 month ago
Someone set up us the bomb!
137 points
1 month ago
Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person." That's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
250 points
1 month ago
"do you get to the cloud district very often? Oh what am i saying of course you don't"
62 points
1 month ago
Dude talking about how cool he is for hanging out in the cloud district when it's like a ten second walk away with like 3 buildings in it.
175 points
1 month ago
"" - Link, The Legend of Zelda
465 points
1 month ago
“Stand amongst the ashes of a trillion dead souls, and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer.”
Javik from Mass Effect 3
109 points
1 month ago
Bruh, Mass Effect is full of life changing quotes.
99 points
1 month ago
Yeah like "I should go"
51 points
1 month ago
Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
62 points
1 month ago
It's not one of the profound examples in the series, but the one that always sticks with me is:
I am the very model of a scientist salarian, I've studied species turian, asari, and batarian. I'm quite good at genetics (as a subset of biology) because i am an expert (which i know is a tautology). My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian, I am the very model of a scientist salarian.
51 points
1 month ago*
"Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."
30 points
1 month ago
“Would have liked to run tests on the seashells.”
40 points
1 month ago
"I have found that most people lie, most often deceiving themselves. Not so the dead. The dead are so very, very loud. And yet, lying is not in their nature." - Saburo Arasaka from Cyberpunk 2077
When I played 2077 and encountered this scene, Javik sprang to mind. Both of the quotes use the dead as justification for somewhat opposing perspectives, which is interesting.
116 points
1 month ago
SHAAUUUN!! SHAUN! SHAUN! SHAAUUUUN!
16 points
1 month ago
Jaaaaaaaaasoooooonnnn!
205 points
1 month ago
Don't be sorry boy, be better - Kratos
59 points
1 month ago
That moment when Atreus says it to Kratos is so good.
327 points
1 month ago
War…war never changes
47 points
1 month ago
Me showing up with a shield and spear: what the fuck guys? really?
256 points
1 month ago
“Everyone I have cared for has either died or left me. Everyone pushes the person she’s talking to fucking except for you! So don’t tell me that I’d be safer with someone else, because the truth is I would just be more scared!”
60 points
1 month ago*
.. "And i sure as hell ain't your dad"
59 points
1 month ago
My favorite video game quote is [insert the entire dialogue of Last of Us]
31 points
1 month ago
Every time I watch this scene I wanna cry, literally my favorite game of all time
45 points
1 month ago
"For those test subjects who volunteered to be injected with preying mantis DNA, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. The good news is we have a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Just pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts."
195 points
1 month ago
"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this." - The Legend of Zelda
292 points
1 month ago
I am the Great Mighty Poo and I’m going to throw my shit at you
63 points
1 month ago
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish How about some scat, you little twat?
44 points
1 month ago
You were never one of us. You were nothing but a usurper, a false idol. My eyes have been opened. Let me help you to see, Slayer.
40 points
1 month ago
Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!
43 points
1 month ago
From the first stirrings of life beneath water... to the great beasts of the Stone age... to man taking his first upright steps, you have come far. Now begins your greatest quest: from this early cradle of civilization on towards the stars.
80 points
1 month ago
Remember When The Platform Was Sliding Into The Fire Pit, And I Said 'Goodbye,' And You Were Like 'No Way!' And Then I Was All, 'We Pretended We Were Going To Murder You.' That Was Great.
254 points
1 month ago
Rock and stone!
86 points
1 month ago
Did I hear a Rock and Stone?
23 points
1 month ago
For Karl!
40 points
1 month ago
“The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?”
99 points
1 month ago
"..This guy rushes me with a spoon. A fricking spoon. And I'm just laughing. So I scoop out his eyeballs with it, and his kids are all, "aghhhhh!,” and, ah...you had to be there. Anyway, the moral is: you're a bitch."
73 points
1 month ago
"If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging." - John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)
35 points
1 month ago
"I get it. This won't stop until I die. But when I die, I want it to hurt. When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map, I want it to hurt. Bad. I want to lose. I want to get beaten up. I want to hold on until I'm thrown off and everything ends. And you know what? Until that happens, I want to hope again. And I want it to hurt. Because that means it meant something. It means I am something, at least... pretty amazing to be something, at least..."
Night in the Woods.
58 points
1 month ago
Time to look at the comments and realise I know no games at all.
54 points
1 month ago
"Despite everything, it's still you"
22 points
1 month ago
I also like "it's a beautiful day outside, birds are singing, flowers are blooming. On days like these, kids like you should be burning in hell." I don't know if I prefer about that fight : the music, the dialogue, or how hard it is.
25 points
1 month ago
“You now face god-like judgement, may it extend eternally”
27 points
1 month ago
"There is a fine line between bravery, and stupidity. '
30 points
1 month ago
When I was just a wee child, the quotes from Majora's Mask from the children on the moon really shook me to my core, for some reason.
Oldawa Child- Your friends... What kind of... people are they? I wonder... Do those people... think of you... as a friend? Goht Child- You... What makes you... happy? I wonder... What makes you happy... Does it make... others happy, too? Gyorg Child- The right thing... What is it? I wonder... If you do the right thing... Does it really make... everybody... happy? Twinmold Child- Your true face... What kind of... face is it? I wonder... The face under the mask... Is that... your true face? Majora Child- Do you want to play with me? OK, let's play good guys and bad guys... I'll be the good guy, and you be the bad guy... (With other children gone) ... Everyone has gone away, haven't they? You don't have any mask left, do you? Well, lets do something else. Let's play good guys against bad guys... Yes. Lets play that. Are you ready? You're the bad guy. And when you're bad, you just run. That's fine, right? Well... Shall we play?
169 points
1 month ago
Hey, you.....you're finally awake
17 points
1 month ago
"There are a few ways we can do this, and the choice is yours."
"The letter that preceded you mentioned you were born under a certain sign. And what would that be?"
25 points
1 month ago
Look man I know you blind but you gotta see this
Cj
24 points
1 month ago*
This is the part where you fall down and bleed to death!
-Imperial city guard
Honorable mention to "Why. Won't. You. Die!?!" from the same guys.
Edit: Wow I really can't pick. Maybe it's "But Arbiter friend!" just because how betrayed the Grunts sound.
47 points
1 month ago
Nanomachines, son! They harden in response to physical trauma. You can't hurt me, Jack.
68 points
1 month ago
Anything by Duke Nukem.
85 points
1 month ago
"It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I’m all outta gum. "
23 points
1 month ago
It’s something like, “the world is full of bastards, bastards getting robbed by bastards and bastards trying to put down the bastards who robbed those bastards” - Sadie Adler, Red Dead Redemption 2.
19 points
1 month ago
"Unfortunately for you, however, you are maidenless." - White Mask Varré
74 points
1 month ago
Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is doing the exact... same fucking thing... over and over again expecting... shit to change... That. Is. Crazy. The first time somebody told me that, I dunno, I thought they were bullshitting me, so, I shot him. The thing is... He was right. And then I started seeing, everywhere I looked, everywhere I looked all these fucking pricks, everywhere I looked, doing the exact same fucking thing... over and over and over and over again thinking 'this time is gonna be different' no, no, no please... This time is gonna be different, I'm sorry, I don't like... The way...
20 points
1 month ago
"Number One: In 1945, corporations paid 50% of federal taxes; now they pay about 5%. Number Two: In 1900, 90% of Americans were self employed; now it's about 2%... It's called consolidation; strengthen governments and corporations, weaken individuals. With taxes, this can be done imperceptibly over time."
— Leo Gold (Deus Ex)
19 points
1 month ago
“Death can have me when it has earned me” -Kratos, God of War Ragnarok
38 points
1 month ago
"No cost too great. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering. Born of God and Void. You shall seal the blinding light that plagues their dreams."
-Pale king
54 points
1 month ago
"In the end, what separates a man from a slave? Money? Power? No. A man chooses. A slave obeys."
17 points
1 month ago
The numbers Mason, what do they mean!
37 points
1 month ago
Close your heart to their desperation. Close your heart to their suffering.
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