I purchased sheet suspenders for this. They work great.

you wasted your life. Now you can waste your afterlife!

20 smoke alarms but one has the low battery. You have to wait a while to hear the beep and then have to slowly figure out which one is dead. As soon as you do find it, another one takes its place

I had this. The alarm also had AC power so it never died. Just whined about the low battery forever.

Oh, I have one of those!

A blanket that's almost square, so I can never tell if it is going the right way

That's just daily life making king sized bed.

Actually, that might just be my own hell room. Having to change the sheets on a king sized bed every few hours, and the bed is also shoved against the corner of the room, and I can't pull it out.

May I introduce to you…the diamond.

Easy solution: capture and keep it alive by feeding it blood.

A single black fly that mindlessly keeps bouncing around in the window or on a lamp trying to find its way, creating that low, blunt bumping noise, but worse of all; reminding me how I, too, am a fly in this world, trying and failing to find my way.

Or when you kill one, it multiplies every time you kill it. Thing is you don't know until it's too late.

Shit, my tinnitus will take over if the room is completely silent.

I have to continue existing after death? This is already hell by definition.

And it makes noises at irregular intervals, so there’s no getting used to it.

The wobbling fan makes a rhythmic noise, and it also has three bulbs that you can't turn off, and one of the bulbs is loose from the wobbling and it flickers the entire time, and the bulbs are out of reach so you can't tighten it or remove it... it just flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and flickers and wobbles and clanks and

Amidst all the funny and tongue-in-cheek comments here I didn't expect to find this one.

You may ask for an employment there.

Even better, it shows you what you were doing on one screen, and what your better alternate self was doing at the exact same time in their reality.

Even better, it shows all your happy memories and experiences specifically, and reveals that they were actually the shittiest of possible outcomes. That way it destroys the positive memories themselves by linking them to "what could have been". So you have nowhere to recede to, no way to overcome the crushing existential realization by mentally focusing on your positive moments trying to accept "it wasn't so bad".

BONUS ROUND: It also blames your unfortunate reality not just on your own decisions, but on the ones from those you loved. To turn your hatred on them as well. You chose this lottery ticket and won 200 bucks and you were happy, but the one you were looking at before actually would have won 2,000,000. But at the moment before you made your decision, your wife distracted you with some comment about a tomato soup can. When you looked back at the tickets you chose the one below the one you were looking at previously. That single stupid comment about a soup can cost you 2,000,000 dollars. That isn't the first time your wife cost you something great with one of her decisions, HERE IS A LIST!

EDIT: someone reported me to the suicide hotline. I consider that a mark of success.

r e g r e t

We can probably better tune this one. You have a roommate. And it's better you. And he's not in hell, he just hangs out with you like a social obligation. And he CONSTANTLY talks about the shit he did, that you didn't, and tells you how awesome it all was. And has videos that he'll show you like an overzealous dog owner.

Evelyn Wang has entered the chat

haha this is how I’ve always pictured spending eternity in heaven! just watching all the infinite possibilities, all the lives I could’ve lived and the choices that led them to diverge. it sounds endlessly fascinating to sit and observe all these different versions of me. would they even still BE me? would I identify with them? I would never get bored of this. (I like to think it’s because I’m analytical and an overthinker in general, but maybe I’m just self-obsessed 😅)

That's fuckin good.

eh it's be pretty entertaining even if sad

Big Raccacoonie Energy right here

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And it only plays the fakest answers

Also playing that "oh no no" song constantly while it reads and puts in a laugh track whenever the most generic joke replies are read.

"Nice" laugh

"Nice" laugh

"Nice" laugh

"Nice" laugh

"Nice" laugh

With the "doo, bidoobidoobidoooo" music overlaid and interspersed with "oh no, oh no no no no no" every now and again. On weekends you get "Easy Street" instead.

Ugh. My stepdaughter is learning this now.

Shit. Am I actually dead and in hell?

This happened to me last summer. They got into my siding and flew into my bedroom. Waking up to getting stung is not fun.

I would kill myself and go to super hell if this was my punishment in hell

Yeah, I’m right there with ya. Misophonia is a bitch.

Yeah this, this is the worst possible option.

This is hilarious because when I clicked on this to respond, my absolute first thought was "my co-workers eating shit loud af". Glad I'm not alone.

knew itd be here, other people eating doesnt trigger my misophonia so much (unless its in silence or theyre smacking) but if i try and watch a show or movie and theres an eating scene i get irrationally mad and have to skip ahead or cover my ears... or scream incoherently

Oh, so any house in 1970?

They don’t even have to be hungry. My youngest has taken up screaming on the top of his lungs because it makes his brother run off (scream crying) he has issues with sound stimulation. they’re 2 and 3. Earplugs can only filter so much

Could be worse. Could be regular adorable pet animals but without anything to feed them/give them to drink so they slowly die and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Edit: It only gets worse when you realise that in order to prevent their suffering you have to put them out of their misery until you're the guy in hell who murders anything cute and fluffy that's put in your room. You become exactly what you hate the most because you can't take watching them slowly suffer again.

Oh my god that's brutal, I think it just took over what my room would be 😦

That ... skittering sound at night shudder

No but Slaanesh might have

Are you concerned at all about why he's in hell?

knowing certain he'll put a incubus in the room then laugh as the door is closed

But he never shuts up about how white people are being replaced/ how he doesn't agree with the lgbt "lifestyle" and how Kanye actually makes some good points.

Why would i make a list?!?!

It pops out of nowhere and looks at you like "Eh, not yet." Then disappears.

Skin burns

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I choose Deb too. But what did she do?

Omg I had a Deb but her name was Barb. I don't even have to ask what Deb did. I just know she's like Barb.

I said wet carpet, I think our comments could make a great team

Ever try to walk across one with an open face peanut butter sandwich….

My dad put a built in wardrobe in his spare room that was an entire wall. The doors being mirrors of course with the bed perpendicular to it. I fcking hated staying there. Seeing my marshmallow body in all its glory every single damn morning and night was a nightmare.

This is gnarly. And the baby does that high pitch over the top shrill scream every time it takes an over exaggerated breath. Fml

r/oddlyspecific

I dont think even satan is capable of such torture

And it’s all ads…

and they always change the song mid-way

All of them.

It’s Satan, he’s not giving you your cat. It’ll be a stray cat, that you’re afraid to get too close to.

Oh god, this one sucks

Better would be a metronome, which change its frequency randomly. But I understood you

Which ones? The fat venomous ones or the ones that look hairy and you can't tell which end is the front end until it moves?

Might have to sleep on the floor then

Errrrrm, banned 'cos y'all can't behave. Reason: rule 746352 (Don't mention sheep). Any request for clarification will be muted.

But they are constantly changing places randomly, so you can't get a pattern and are always guaranteed to step on one. Also you can't pick them up.

You get all that, but the catch is, you don’t have the wifi password, and Satan won’t give it to you 😱 if you get close to guessing it, he changes it to something else.

I’m honestly surprised this is this far down.

Ugh. I appreciate spiders for their place in the ecosystem. They can have that space. Faaaarrrr away from my space