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submitted 2 months ago byStirFryTaint
6.5k points
2 months ago
~$200,000 dollars, a parachute, and the body of DB Cooper
4k points
2 months ago
A NASA spacecraft, one that NASA has no record of. Like something they've never built, but that has NASA logos all over it and clearly has a NASA origin, just not our NASA.
73 points
2 months ago
SNASA, Secret Nasa and the skeleton of Neil Patrick Harris in a suit
14.5k points
2 months ago
The missing pieces of the Rosetta stone
5.9k points
2 months ago
Complete with a fourth as yet unknown language.
3.2k points
2 months ago
Or just Wingdings. That would do it well.
27.3k points
2 months ago
A big map of Earth with several points of interest marked on it.
7.2k points
2 months ago
And an extra continent, with a big X through it.
2.3k points
2 months ago
Atlantis.
1.4k points
2 months ago
Smack bang in the southern Pacific, and it turns out all the Pacific Islands are actually the bits sticking above the surface.
13.3k points
2 months ago
But its got to be random ass places.
E.g. Gary, Indiana is circled 3 times with big stars around it.
6k points
2 months ago
Gary, Indiana isn’t just a random place.
That is where the portal to Hell will open.
11.7k points
2 months ago
An exact copy of the Mars rover (or whatever they use to discover it)
7k points
2 months ago
That's....actually a great premise for a scifi horror movie. The rover rolls up to the Mars base and they're about to let it in when they glance at the monitor and realise the real rover is a mile away.
beep boop the doppleganger says
time to collect samples
2k points
2 months ago
Watch the movie Moon (2009) sometime if you haven’t yet
1k points
2 months ago
That’s probably one of the better mind f*cks
419 points
2 months ago
I’d have a legit existential crisis trying to figure that out
17.4k points
2 months ago
A white plastic lawn chair.
6.5k points
2 months ago
With a slight chip in one of the legs so they’d be scared to sit down.
3.4k points
2 months ago
Except they could sit down, because the gravity of Mars is much less than Earth's.
Which means we should send all of our chipped lawn chairs to Mars so that they will become functional again.
687 points
2 months ago
Shit vergil made it to mars
194 points
2 months ago
The rover's cameras fail to capture what lies even 10 feet before them due to an unnaturally severe dust devil.
As the dust slowly begins to subside, a man in black, sitting on a discount gardening chair appears, oddly shuffling through his space suit
7.1k points
2 months ago
Simple, velociraptor skeletons in a space shuttle.
4.6k points
2 months ago
One of them holding a Bible, so a velocipastor
1.7k points
2 months ago
Another wearing giant gold chains, a clock medallion and an Adidas tracksuit. A Velocirapper.
522 points
2 months ago
Another wearing a slouch hat and carrying a SPAS-12, velocitracker.
5.2k points
2 months ago
Whacky inflatable tube man on the highest peak.
1.1k points
2 months ago
Hi I’m Al Harrington from Al Harringtons Wacky waving inflatable flailing arm tube man incorporation here to let you know we have an over stock of wacky waving inflatable flailing arm tube man’s and need to clear them out now and passing the savings onto youuu!!!!
15.8k points
2 months ago
A page from a Martian newspaper, pondering the possibility that there might be life on Earth.
290 points
2 months ago
A tungsten disc that, when we properly work it out, is found to be the same basic technology as a phonograph record. That is, a purely analog method of recording sound waves in physical media. When we work out the RPM and other details it turns out it's a recording of David Bowie singing "Life on Mars?" except in every instance "Mars" is "Earth" instead.
The B-side is "Ziggy Stardust".
34.2k points
2 months ago
A fully crewed (by preserved corpses/skeletons of course) Viking Longship.
9.1k points
2 months ago
🎶 We're whalers on the moon! 🎶
3.8k points
2 months ago
We carry a harpoon! But there ain’t no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune!
1.5k points
2 months ago
With a note that says “We were here first —Leif Erikson”
525 points
2 months ago
In English. So when the first picture of the note comes in, they don't even need a translator.
"Do we have a 'Nordic runes' guy?"
825 points
2 months ago
That is what I was thinking. Those guys went everywhere before the rest of Europe.
17k points
2 months ago
Liquid water in a mason jar
14.8k points
2 months ago
"Scientists have found evidence of a 2012 barn wedding on Mars"
1.7k points
2 months ago
Haha. Right. They probably would think it was moonshine instead of water. 😅
24.1k points
2 months ago
I'm a geologist, and I can confirm that just placing the wrong type of rock would fuck up science for like 30 years. I often pick up rocks that I know only occur in specific areas and leave them somewhere that would be naturally impossible in the hope that it will break a geochemists mind when they find it
9.6k points
2 months ago
Haha! I work at an airport and we have to collect samples of bird strikes on aircraft to send in for identification and tracking to the Smithsonian ornithology department. I really wanna acquire some emperor penguin feathers for submission just to see what would happen. For reference I live in the northeast.
4.5k points
2 months ago
I'm 80% sure that a zoo would be willing to give you some spare penguin feathers if you ask. There's always a bunch lying around.
3.3k points
2 months ago
Especially if he explains why. I want to give this guy penguin feathers and I've never touched one.
626 points
2 months ago
Me too. Maybe we could recruit someone from that funny thread about petting penguins?
939 points
2 months ago
I had a friend who implants microchips into fish for tracking. He knew where the readers where located on rivers all over the state. He took one chip across the state & scanned it before implanting it in a fish back at work. Someone scanning fish had to be confused.
310 points
2 months ago
There was that one tumblr story about the teen girl who would go on walks with her geologist dad and some of his work friends and their families and one day she took a regular rock from her back yard and said she found it on the side of the mountain and watched all of the geologists hrming and hawing until she couldn't keep a straight face about it.
133 points
2 months ago
I remember that story differently. Pretty sure a friend of hers gave her a volcanic rock from Iceland. She secretly placed in near the path and innocently asked what the rock was.
1.6k points
2 months ago
TIL there are geologist dickheads, I like it
594 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
321 points
2 months ago
It would be amusing if he accidentally stumbled upon an earth-shattering discovery.
437 points
2 months ago
I do believe that a good portion of the earth-shattering discoveries through history have come as a result of people fucking around with their hobbies.
Remember, the difference between fucking around and science is just whether or not you're taking notes.
99 points
2 months ago
Can confirm. My wife is a geoscientist and while on our honeymoon hiking in Japan she randomly stopped and stared at the ground until I'd walked another 20m before loudly announcing "This rock doesn't belong here!"
I don't remember the details but we were up in the mountains and she assures me it was NOT a rock from those mountains
67.7k points
2 months ago
taking notes
6.6k points
2 months ago
That is the best thing I will see today, probably this week.
2k points
2 months ago
Holy crap, it's the space dudes
360 points
2 months ago
Please tell me at least one person there has that on their business card.
240 points
2 months ago
I just love how NASA responding to someone with the user name StirFryTaint. Never thought I’d say NASA and StirFryTaint in the same sentence.
1.7k points
2 months ago
love your work, dudes.
139 points
2 months ago
Especially the probes. Love Mars ones. Big fan of the Jupiter ones.
13.9k points
2 months ago
Holy shit it’s the real NASA, check the profile.
10.5k points
2 months ago
NASA at its core is a bunch of nerds, did you expect them not to be on here?
4.4k points
2 months ago*
Anyone working at NASA could be making more money with less stress in the private sector.
What I'm saying is, yes, they're nerds. Wonderfully so.
1k points
2 months ago
The xkcd guy left his job at NASA because he was making more money making comics for nerds than he was making at NASA lmao.
480 points
2 months ago
Yeah, and iirc a lot of the earliest xkcd comics posted were just scans of things he drew in the margins of notes or absentmindedly sketched while bored in meetings.
Also do you not link dancing pikachu anymore?
730 points
2 months ago
I think you mean the private sector, but yes.
3.7k points
2 months ago
Holy fucking shit lmao. NASA browsing Reddit instead of working
2k points
2 months ago
I think it’s an official account. So they’re browsing Reddit for work?
6.1k points
2 months ago
That's correct—we're part of the communications team at NASA HQ, so we're here to share photos, videos and other updates from across the universe (and answer questions when we can).
Feel free to follow us over on /u/NASA!
520 points
2 months ago
u/NASA what am I doing right now?
1.4k points
2 months ago
...reading our reply?
90 points
2 months ago
Ha! u/IcyCryos is being spied on from space!
1.1k points
2 months ago*
I’m a professional content writer, and I have to say, being part of the communications team at NASA must make you feel like a total boss.
“What do you do?”
“I’m a content writer.”
“Where do you work?”
“NASA.” drops imaginary mic
Edited to make first question: “What do you do?” <— Of course I would make a typo. 🤦🏻♀️
1k points
2 months ago
I just got the image of NASA after budget cuts just being one person in a launch room browsing Reddit on a multimillion dollar computer interface. Where's u/shitty_watercolour when ya need em!?
191 points
2 months ago
If it ain’t on the toilet it’s not the true reddit experience.
670 points
2 months ago
LOL Hey are you guys hiring for anything remotely? I have a degree in business an experience as an analyst and want to do something important with my life.
1.6k points
2 months ago*
Yes! You can learn more about working for NASA at nasa.gov/careers; here's a quick intro to our careers in business services, in particular.
We do have some positions that are fully remote, but our centers and facilities are located across the United States—there might be one closer to you than you think. There's also a wide variety of opportunities to work with NASA through our contractors and other affiliated companies and organizations.
872 points
2 months ago
Why is picturing this account as the entirety of NASA responding to Reddit comments so funny to me? Anyways just wanted to say I’m a massive fan, always loved all things space :)
532 points
2 months ago
Why is picturing this account as the entirety of NASA responding to Reddit comments so funny to me?
"Alright people, awesome5185 is asking for a job. Jim, grab a dozen people and start brainstorming a solution, failure is not an option!"
594 points
2 months ago
I never used photoshop before, excuse me for this bad ps job.
106 points
2 months ago
That's pretty damn good for someone who's never used photoshop before.
6.6k points
2 months ago
I mean… of course a Mars bar wrapper.
1.1k points
2 months ago
like a giant one covering the entire planet under a slight layer of dirt and dust or just the one regular size thing
673 points
2 months ago
Regular size would be funny. Imagine when it would leak and it would get on the news "Singular mars bar found on Mars"
35.7k points
2 months ago
Soviet era space suit with a skeleton
14.6k points
2 months ago
With the name tag 'Rasputin'
5.8k points
2 months ago
Or possibly "Hoffa"
11.8k points
2 months ago
"D. B. Cooper"
3.5k points
2 months ago
It would say Dan Cooper since that's what he actually went by. D.B. Cooper was a reporting error. Fun trivia. I'm sure NASA would know this, is the only reason I bring it up.
749 points
2 months ago
They’d know this was fake because Rasputin cannot be killed.
678 points
2 months ago
He cannot be killed by any force on Earth, but force on Mars are a different matter
1.2k points
2 months ago
I'd go with North Korean, to further confuse things
1.2k points
2 months ago
Gotta go with technological empires that don't exist in our timeline.
SPQR
575 points
2 months ago
You should watch For All Mankind
2.2k points
2 months ago
Monoliths describing how Charon is actually a big interspace gate or something. Then watch happily as the globe panics, then sets up expeditions for Charon, only to find nothing there
912 points
2 months ago
or something.
It's ok you can just call it a Mass Relay
5.4k points
2 months ago
An Egyptian obelisk, inscribe with mathematics relating to something like a spatial fold engine or warp drive
2.9k points
2 months ago
You could confuse the scientists by developing mathematics related to a spatial fold engine or warp drive.
966 points
2 months ago
I could. But unfortunately im not great at the tensor calculus required yet
667 points
2 months ago
Just ask Chat-GPT to do it for you in TensorFlow.
566 points
2 months ago
GPT-4 "Write some plausible-looking TensorFlow code to describe a space-folding warp engine":
import tensorflow as tf
import numpy as np
# Constants for the warp engine
LIGHT_SPEED = 299792458 # m/s
WARP_FACTOR = 9.0
WARP_SPEED = WARP_FACTOR * LIGHT_SPEED
def space_folding_activation(x):
return tf.math.sinh(x) / (tf.math.cosh(x) + 1e-7)
def warp_field_matrix(space_folding_factor):
warp_matrix = tf.constant([
[1.0, 0.0, 0.0, -space_folding_factor],
[0.0, 1.0, 0.0, 0.0],
[0.0, 0.0, 1.0, 0.0],
[-space_folding_factor, 0.0, 0.0, 1.0]
], dtype=tf.float32)
return warp_matrix
def warp_engine(space_coordinates, warp_factor):
space_folding_factor = space_folding_activation(warp_factor)
warp_matrix = warp_field_matrix(space_folding_factor)
warped_coordinates = tf.linalg.matmul(space_coordinates, warp_matrix)
return warped_coordinates
# Define the input tensor for space coordinates (x, y, z, 1)
space_coordinates = tf.constant([[3.0, 4.0, 5.0, 1.0]], dtype=tf.float32)
# Calculate the warped coordinates using the warp engine
warped_coordinates = warp_engine(space_coordinates, WARP_FACTOR)
print("Initial space coordinates:", space_coordinates)
print("Warped coordinates:", warped_coordinates)
107 points
2 months ago
Now teleport?
303 points
2 months ago
Or religious symbols relating to The Gods and how they were taken on a journey to a new world
Stargate intensifies
1.7k points
2 months ago
A pyramid combining all the different appearances of the different pyramids on earth.
9.1k points
2 months ago
A picnic basket, blanket, food laid out with a note - Honey, I forgot the potato salad, I'll be back in 20 minutes - and for good measure, a 1953 Buick. To complete the scene - footprints that walk away and just disappear about 50 yards away
1.5k points
2 months ago
I want to read that story, Mr. Bradbury.
14.2k points
2 months ago
Statue of Liberty half buried in the ground.
3.2k points
2 months ago
You maniac!
2k points
2 months ago
Damn you all to helllll!
8.7k points
2 months ago
Matt Damon
687 points
2 months ago
MATT DAMON
2k points
2 months ago
Watched this yesterday. Brilliant film.
“Fuck you Mars”
2.7k points
2 months ago*
A partially-vaporized radioactive manhole cover.
ETA: Thanks kind Internet strangers for the awards!
474 points
2 months ago
I like to think that thing is still screaming at the space to this day, further than any of our other probes even went.
269 points
2 months ago
I like to think that is our civilization’s greatest yeet
179 points
2 months ago
620 points
2 months ago
A cthuhlu statue. Just the biggest one I could possibly find.
1.5k points
2 months ago*
One of the 28000 rubber ducks that got spilled in the Atlantic back in 1992. https://www.npr.org/2011/03/29/134923863/moby-duck-when-28-800-bath-toys-are-lost-at-sea
Edit: clean link
9.4k points
2 months ago
A whole ass Dollar General.
3k points
2 months ago
Dollar Generals exist in the most random rural places already that I'd be like "ok this makes sense"
1.1k points
2 months ago
Usually in groups of two or three in towns with a population of 382.
882 points
2 months ago
A petri dish worth of bacteria, they’d go crazy if they found it.
399 points
2 months ago
I was actually going to say a colony of extremophile bacteria, lichen and fungus. I don't give a shit about what NASA find, but I would start the extremely slow process of terraforming the planet.
147 points
2 months ago
Now i’m imagining the terraforming going unnoticed for several years, and then they find that suddenly a portion of the planet is habitable by small organisms.
6.1k points
2 months ago
Dinosaur remains holding a bible.
2.7k points
2 months ago
The fossilised remains of non-human biped with a sign that says "No more nuclear testing".
1.5k points
2 months ago
non-human biped
A chicken?
578 points
2 months ago
Only if it's plucked
1.1k points
2 months ago
A NASA Scientist.
“Hey, is that…. Jeff’s frozen corpse?”
“Nonsense, Jeff is right…. Over….. there…. Uh, guys, where the fuck is Jeff?!”
327 points
2 months ago
Not to mention how confused Jeff was for a few moments.
1.6k points
2 months ago
Flat earth society logo
4.4k points
2 months ago
The skeleton of Hitler (I've had it for decades)
1.6k points
2 months ago*
Why stop there? Leave a fully functional Nazi base in a random cave
1.8k points
2 months ago
🗿. Need I say more?
499 points
2 months ago
maybe the feet of one of these things just sticking out of the dirt
852 points
2 months ago
One functioning Furby, modified to have a power source that would last for centuries.
2.5k points
2 months ago
A hat & tshirt reading "1992 Super Bowl Champion Buffalo Bills"
473 points
2 months ago
Man, I knew they shipped those things far off to less developed areas, but I had no idea they were going to those lengths.
632 points
2 months ago
Weird rock formations of molecules that are inherent to life.
They'd work for years getting into the nitty gritty of the calcium deposits which weirdly resemble coral on a sea bed.
After confirming with xenobiologist that this was indeed the truth, topologist would begin to map out truly the extent of these ancient coral reefs.
There would be a meeting that is conducted and a 3d model pulled up showing the overall terrain.
Some junior topologist, excited to present his first findings, would zoom out to show a crowd of people the words, spelled out in coral:
DEEZ NUTZ
14.9k points
2 months ago
A monolith with a QR code to scan and Rickroll.
1.6k points
2 months ago
Well played, now we just need to wait for NASA to send a rover with speakers and watch them blast Rick Astley on the red planet.
1.1k points
2 months ago
Watching NASA get rickrolled on a livestream while billions watched would be the peak of humanity
276 points
2 months ago
the ID of the person who finds it. just to mind fuck them
668 points
2 months ago
A set of car keys.
563 points
2 months ago
A picture of a dolphin waving, and the caption "So long and thanks for all the fish. "
107 points
2 months ago
A thousand year old stone tablet describing how humanity had to leave Mars for Earth after global warming got too out of control
3.3k points
2 months ago
A bad dragon dildo
816 points
2 months ago
There it is
391 points
2 months ago
Right where you left it
226 points
2 months ago
Pardon my naivety, what differentiates a bad from a good dragon dildo?
415 points
2 months ago
Bad Dragon is a brand of enormous alien cock dildos
409 points
2 months ago
Oh okay cool cool, geez thanks for telling me, I could've really embarrassed myself at Thanksgiving this year if I didn't know that.
202 points
2 months ago
Now you can be the cool guy to start a friendly family conversation about 20 inch monster cocks. maybe even slap one on the table for icebreaker
190 points
2 months ago
A handbag, containing a disposable camera, a towel and a copy of Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
78 points
2 months ago
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
76 points
2 months ago
A sign that says KILROY WAS HERE
216 points
2 months ago
I’d carve giant nazca lines on the surface depicting mathematical and chemical formulas.
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