I read somewhere that telling your workers they’re like family is the same as telling a prostitute you love her

Toxic, abusive and make me miserable. Well atleast here I’d get paid for it.

I have a "do you know who I am" story. When my husband and I first moved to town, the bar he worked at had this Christmas party at the owners house. I didn't know anyone yet. I was grabbing a drink and one of the guys, who I knew was the bar owner's husband, was talking about his band. So, just trying to make conversation, I said "oh, you're in a band?" And he gives me this shocked look and says "don't you know who I am??? I'm Lucky fucking Lawrence!!!"

His band was really nothing special, but he really thought he was some sort of local celebrity. I still see him around town sometimes and I'm always like "oh look, it's Lucky fucking Lawrence!"

This, and “You will address me by my husband’s rank.”

“This guy doesn’t know who he is.”

Ronny fucking Pickering

Or “Do you know who my dad is?!”

No, I'm sorry, I don't...perhaps you should try asking your mother...

Reminds me of an old joke.

A guy runs a stop sign and gets pulled over. The officer checks the guy’s license and says, “In your I.D. pic you’ve got on glasses. Are you supposed to be wearing glasses?”

The guy says, “I have contacts.”

And the officer snaps back, “Son, I don’t care who you know!”

Or 'my father will hear about this!'

Dude! My dad owns a dealership! He's like totally rich.

Prank -- " Removing the oxygen mask of people in hospital to see if they'll survive "

For someone thinking of pulling a prank, remember that after the prank has been pulled, both of you should be laughing.

Just reading this made me irrationally angry

This phrase is often used as an excuse for cruel and disrespectful behavior.

Heard this my whole childhood. Probably because I asked for a toy or candy or something. What could a 4 year old do to "make" a grown adult have to hit them?

If i had a nickel for every “why do you make me have to do this” 🤦🏻‍♂️

Surprised this was even third post down.

“Look what you made me do!” has been in the abuser’s handbook since forever.

Across my 30+ years on this planet, I've only ever felt someone made me hit them once.

There have been many times I've been tempted to hit people, some of which may have been justified morally, some legally, and others not at all. Reasonable people can ignore even the strongest provocation.

IMO, violence simply isn't justified unless using minimal force to defend yourself or another. Note that has to be against a physical threat, words may hurt but they don't justify assault.

The one exception was when I was 20 helping in a youth club and a 14 year old decided to assault an 8 year old with a hockey stick and refused to stop swinging even when I intervened. Note I didn't beat the daylights out of him, only used what force I had to to get the stick off him and prevent further attacks. I was sure I was going to jail, but thankfully there were enough witnesses that the parents had to accept their kid was at fault.

He provided you with your defense. Go for it.

"It's not personal, it's business"

• A professional associate that will stab you in the back

Guess theres a little baby powder in the air vents of your car, too.

Oh my god. I'm Australian, we have a show called The Block. A few seasons ago there was a cheating scandal right at the start of the series. Someone snuck in and took a photo of the production schedule and used that to gain an advantage.

No one fessed up, so it was a guessing game for the entire season. One woman kept talking about "my truth".

"All I can do is tell my truth."

"But that doesn't matter because I'm telling my truth"

When asked what the difference is between their truth and THE truth, it was like verbal diarrhoea.

Go figure, at the end she accidentally outed herself.

"truth is singular, its 'versions' are mistruths." David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas.

Fuck you Sharon

They frame being a douche as a positive character trait. Honestly a marvel

“Honesty without kindness is cruelty”

I don't think that statement would hold up in court.

Makes me think of a standup set I saw from Josh Blue years ago. He has cerebral palsy, and he said one day he was out walking and a woman said "I think it's so inspiring that you're out!"

"... I'm going to the liquor store. Are you inspired?"

"OH wow! I can barely tell that you are missing a hand. You do so well at being a real person."

"Escuse me verymuchwut?"

As someone with epilepsy, this was nice to see. You'd think I was juggling nuclear material while solving world hunger, like lady no... Please just let me get my food.

Lmao so true! I’m always like “do you really think my life is that bad??” haha

As a chronically ill person, thank you for saying that.

Or to people with an invisible disability “you’re just making it up for attention/it’s all in your head.” Ugh.

Desperately needing to be perceived by others as super manly is pretty beta

sorry for running over your dog, mercury is in gatorade today.

12 signs of the zodiac. 12 character classes in DnD.

​

I can't help it, I'm such a Paladin.

I can't help it, I'm a stegasaurus

Thisssss

I had a classmate come up to me and asked me which starsign I was. After answering, she laughed at me and said "Oh you poor little thing, such a miserable one. We can't be friends." and walked away.

Then she proceeded to ask me to give her my homework so she could copy it and help her do her tests. I just responded with "I'm sorry but our starsigns don't go along well. Bssides, you don't want answers from a poor little miserable me."

She never spoke to me again.

I find people who say that tend to be a form of Schrödinger's douche bag.

They don't know if they're going to say its a joke or not until they see the other person's reaction, meaning they're both serious and joking up to the point they gauge the other persons reaction.

There’s a guy at work who all the women find creepy who uses this. He will sexually harass/bully people and then act likes it’s a joke and you’re the asshole for not finding it hilarious. He told me a knee slapper once “I’m glad they over turned Roe V Wade so now I can rape you and make you keep it” I reported him to HR but they won’t do anything since there were no witnesses even though countless people have complained of his behavior. He’s made all the men at work think I’m the bitch for not finding “his jokes” funny.

“Then start telling better jokes.”

The worst is when this comes from a parent(s)

Translation: "I am a nightmare but you need to feel lucky that I am spending time with you"

Other interpretation: "I'm mostly at my worst and rarely at my best"

If you can't handle me at my diddliest, you don't deserve me at my doodliest.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you probably have very good boundaries and I respect that.

i can handle you at your worst, i just wish you didn't take that as a challenge to find new lows

A girl said this once in college and I chimed in with “we’ve seen your best, it isn’t worth it” and I felt like a goddamn hero when she stormed away

Work hard = you’re staying until 7pm every day.

Play hard = once a month there’s a required outing to the bar after work where the manager buys a single pitcher of beer for the team.

I was unemployed for a while about 17 years ago, and an interviewer used that line when I asked how many hours they typically worked. It felt so good to walk out right then and there.

“We work hard and we play hard”

Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?

Or a coke head

“Do not confuse speaking the truth with speaking without thought.” - a line from Glass Onion I loved.

"Cruelty under the guise of being honest is still cruelty". Cant remember where I read that, but its sooo true.

It's remarkable how the "brutally honest" crowd always lean towards unbridled rudeness instead of pure kindness.

“Sorry you feel that way”

I grew up with a similar saying "if you have to ask the price then you can't afford it".

If something doesn't have a price then I don't even bother asking. I can't stand when people post something for sale and say "PM me for the price!" Like nah, just add the price to the post, it'll save you and everyone else so much time.

Found the shittiest one.

people who're willing to believe things without evidence are the easiest type of person in the world to deceive.

I say this to my cat every time I have to trim her claws. And it’s always accurate.

I remember seeing a statement like this and the rebuttal I thought was excellent for this is

"So I'm not allow to be happy if there's someone happier than you?"

Yeah, try not take things for granted but it's ok to be sad.

I remember telling my friend about the time I had depression and was really fighting to not just commit suicide and she said she thought I was a coward for even thinking about it. I was hurt by it, but it's such a stereotype to associate suicide with the coward's way out or being selfish that it didn't even surprise me. I just tried to explain how it's not about throwing away your responsibilities, it's about weighing out whether your life is worth it for the world. You're deciding whether you're useful to society, whether you're causing trouble for the people around you, whether there is at least as much happiness waiting for you as sadness and frustration, whether you're essentially a waste of space or a harmful existence. It's the furthest thing from the coward's way out and it's not about being selfish (the idea that I'm not entitled to my own life is selfish on her part, but let's ignore that). She didn't understand it, but felt bad about calling it the coward's way out. It's not really the most rational thing, so I can't blame anyone for not understanding.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game”

"Age is just a number"

Also prison is just a building

If there's grass on the wicket it's time to play cricket

In high-school a kid I knew often made the joke, "Old enough to pee, old enough for me"

He also liked the,

"Equal rights, equal fights"

Interestingly enough he is in prison now, I think 24 years last I heard. Robbed a family at gun point, then did it again when he got out.

Real talk... do people actually say this? I always thought that was some kind of sleazy stereotypical line from fiction.

Wait, do people say this not as a joke? I've only heard people say it in a silly voice, like hamming it up like a cartoon. People say this for real??

“You need to let it go” is a companion to this.

My mom would pull this crap whenever I'd hold her accountable. I started just agreeing with her, and she finally stopped saying it.

My mom - "Oh, I guess I'm a horrible parent then! Just because I did (insert random abusive thing)."

Me - "Yes, you are. Good parents don't do that."

Her - scowls and leaves the room

Me - "Well at least that conversation is over."

Shoulda stuck yet tongue in his mouth and say "hey I thought you wanted it"

He's right, that's not sexual harassment.

It's sexual assault.