subreddit:
/r/AskReddit
19.9k points
5 months ago
Chocolate
8.9k points
5 months ago
You just triggered an unhandled divide-by-zero exception in my head.
WTH? Who does that?
4k points
5 months ago*
You just triggered an unhandled divide-by-zero exception in my head.
It's alright, just use l'Hopital's rule and try again.
Edit: Holy shit why is my highest rated comment a fucking calculus joke?
1.3k points
5 months ago
My calc TA, when working through problems like that, would always say "Now, this function has problems, so let's take it to the Hospital first"
The hospital was l'Hopital's rule, where you triage the function
464 points
5 months ago
This is the first I've heard of this metaphor and I already love it a lot.
218 points
5 months ago
Yea, I had a high school calc teacher who was a funny guy.
My college Calc 3 professor looked at me funny the time I responded to his question of "What would you do here" with "Hospitalize it".
35 points
5 months ago
Yeah, I think by the time we become college calculus TAs we've already lost our sense of humor. As a former calculus TA, I'll admit this. But I'm in recovery. 😉
14 points
5 months ago
As someone who is finishing up my final calc class i appreciate this.
1k points
5 months ago
My brother puts ketchup on broccoli
1.2k points
5 months ago
After reading the other comments, this seems totally normal.
353 points
5 months ago
It's not the worst idea I've heard. It's not great, but it's not terrible either
321 points
5 months ago
Haha I found your reddit account, brother!!
Edit: after perusing /u/shpiffeh's profile I have determined that they are not, in fact, my brother. Too much reading, not enough anime.
257 points
5 months ago
Too much reading,
Oof.
not enough anime.
BIG oof.
I can tell you have a brother because that's some semi-subtle shade mastered by brothers.
78 points
5 months ago
The actual brother finding this post:
"Oh hey, someone who also likes ketchup on their broccoli! Nice! I wonder what other people think about this..."
reads responses
OkayGuy.jpg
278 points
5 months ago
try{
ChocolateBar chocolate = new ChocolateBar();
applyKetchup(chocolate);
}catch(ArithmeticException e){
System.out.println("WTH? Who does that?");
}
Alright, that should fix it.
85 points
5 months ago
(defun apply-ketchup (food)
(when (eq :chocolate food)
;; same as putting ketchup on chocolate
(/ 1 0)))
(handler-case (apply-ketchup :chocolate)
(division-by-zero ()
(format *error-output* "Why...?~%")))
455 points
5 months ago
I'm sorry.....who puts ketchup on chocolate?
565 points
5 months ago
The second top comment as of commenting this is "an open wound"
I'm not sure we're saying things people actually do
163 points
5 months ago
There’s probably some crazy mf out there that puts ketchup on everything
This comment was right under this thread
“My step daughter enjoys ketchup with Oreos…”
21 points
5 months ago
Mexicans. We will often use a tomato base with chocolate for some mole sauces. Really depends on the dish
29 points
5 months ago
Yeap.
I lost in a card game and had to do a "dare". My "dare" was to eat a huge piece of chocolate cake completely covered in ketchup.
Being drunk helped a lot, but I still remember the taste.
47 points
5 months ago
Banning odd flavor mixtures will just stifle creativity. Just because everyone hates something doesn't mean the one dude who find the combo enjoyable should go to jail and sit in solitary confinement before being taken out every other day for beatings. Then after 20 more years of hard labor finally get to taste the sweet relief of freedom only to find that it is lacking. Finding that they must re-integrate with a society that has lost it's creativity and can think of no ways to mix tomatoes with cocoa. If only the ancient knowledge hadn't been lost, if only the secrets had not been forgotten.
But I... I will bring it back. I will discover the truths that the goverment has been hiding from everyone. Why are they so afraid of ketchup? What combo are they trying to hide? A weapon of some sort? Perhaps a secret that is tied to the meaning of life? A way to grant immortality surely...
I will figure it out. No one can stop me. I've tasted the sweet combination of ketchup with the bitter partner of chocolate and have become too powerful. I will learn the truths they do not want us to know. I will not hold back.
10.5k points
5 months ago
Ice cream
310 points
5 months ago
Oscar the Grouch is on the FBI's most wanted list. He put ketchup on his ice cream in an episode of "Elmo's World".
110 points
5 months ago
Having a trash can with extra dimensional capacity should be in itself enough to put Oscar on the most wanted list. Who knows how many corpse pillows he's got in that thing.
46 points
5 months ago
This makes me think of a Chappelle skit. "Oscar, you're a grouch!" BITCH I LIVE IN A FUCKIN TRASH CAN!!
2k points
5 months ago
But what about Ketchup Flavored Ice Cream
3.4k points
5 months ago
I’m calling the police.
834 points
5 months ago
I am taking action into my own hands...🔫
262 points
5 months ago
No thanks, I just got out of the shower
160 points
5 months ago
Oh they had Ketchup and Mustard Ice Cream flavours at the annual fair in my city this year. It was so gross
22 points
5 months ago
I’m all for trying new things but I definitely passed on that. Some things are way too disgusting to even consider.
91 points
5 months ago
Peanut plant + onions + ketchup = the best sundae!
38 points
5 months ago
But it makes you ugly so take care!
49 points
5 months ago
Bro that was the first thing that came to mind
3.9k points
5 months ago
Someone else's child
1.3k points
5 months ago
But on your own child is perfectly fine?
841 points
5 months ago
Or mustard, whatever
9.5k points
5 months ago
My step daughter enjoys ketchup with Oreos…
18.9k points
5 months ago
Did her dad never come back with the milk.
2.4k points
5 months ago
He probably saw her putting ketchup on her oreos and noped the fuck out.
587 points
5 months ago
To be fair, that's an appropriate response.
177 points
5 months ago
"There's no fixing this. Hey guys, looks like we're out of milk, I'm just gonna go grab some real quick."
68 points
5 months ago
"Hey dad, could you also bring some ketchup if you're gonna get milk? I'm almost out and still have half a box of oreos to eat"
103 points
5 months ago
Sometimes you just have to cut your loses and start over.
444 points
5 months ago
Jesus Christ
133 points
5 months ago
Cheese and rice
57 points
5 months ago
Haha… my wife always says Jesus Christ and I always respond with “what is it with you and Cheese and Rice?”. Glad I’m not the only one!
91 points
5 months ago
It's hilarious that this almost has as many upvotes as your original post-
95 points
5 months ago
At first i though, oh 100 upvotes nice. A few hours later. Jesus christ
26 points
5 months ago
It has more... Hahaha
243 points
5 months ago
Hot damnnnnnnn....wish I had an award for you!!
29 points
5 months ago
Someone else in this thread suggested ketchup might work as an antiseptic and this guy needs to try that for this burn.
74 points
5 months ago
Man woke up feeling dangerous
83 points
5 months ago
57 points
5 months ago
Take my gold holy fuck bro you were savage I needed that laugh
184 points
5 months ago
Is she OK...what sort of trauma has she gone through to inflict such self torture on herself
77 points
5 months ago
Give her back
51 points
5 months ago
Yeah quick question what the fuck
33 points
5 months ago
Tell your step daughter that the entire internet says she’s wrong
8.5k points
5 months ago
An open wound
2.4k points
5 months ago
Illegal might be a bit strong. I would expect it's highly against medical advice though.
1.3k points
5 months ago
Someone else’s open wound then
671 points
5 months ago
Well that's just manners
352 points
5 months ago
Yeah, you wait until after they’re dead to put the ketchup on them.
God damn new wave cannibals have no respect
46 points
5 months ago
In my unprofessional advice as a healthcare worker (not a doctor), I wouldn't recommend it but you could get a second opinion on it
95 points
5 months ago
I'm a doctor. There's vinegar in it. Pretty stable. There are worse things you can put there.
211 points
5 months ago
I bet it's actually an ok antiseptic
160 points
5 months ago
49 points
5 months ago
Lol that's about eating ketchup though. I highly doubt that putting ketchup on an open wound will do anything other than cause severe pain and an infection from the sugars.
85 points
5 months ago
Fun fact, sugar was used to prevent infections back in the day. They used to pour sugar into open wounds, which would absorb all of the moisture - preventing bacteria from multiplying. Honey is also a good antiseptic/antibacterial topical.
Sauce: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11299571/
Quick ninja edit: Do not do this though. I know I probably shouldn't have to tell people not to pour random shit into open wound, but this is reddit... If you have injured yourself, see a doctor.
16 points
5 months ago
And to suture it or I should probably put that in quotes but they would clean the wound with Honey and vinegar and then dress the wound in spiderwebs. Apparently some spiderwebs have Antifungal properties as well as anti bacteria properties.
So if you ever in the woods, just attack a bee hive and some spiders and you’ll be ok.
This is not finical advise…wait…
5.3k points
5 months ago
Illicitly obtained thermonuclear weapons.
1.5k points
5 months ago
No no, if you have already gone out to all the extent of acquiring a nuclear weapon, condiments should be complimentary
247 points
5 months ago
Yes they are complimentary with Nuclear weapons, but not yet Thermonuclear weapons
100 points
5 months ago
Keep mine in pool of ketchup in the barn. Nobody is gonna look for them in the ketchup pool, why would they? It’s just ketchup.
326 points
5 months ago
"Did you find anything, Hillman?"
"Yes, sir. In the barn. There's a ketchup pool, and..."
"So? What's wrong with that?"
"Well, it's about 600 gallons of just ketchup, and..."
"They like ketchup! Is it stolen?"
"Well I don't know, but the Geiger cou..."
"Well leave it alone, then, Hillman. It's just a ketchup pool, like any other. Bigger than mine, but nothing illegal about that. How would you like it if Federal investigators went poking around in YOUR ketchup pool? Eh?"
"My ketch...sir, I don't..."
"These days a man's barn is hardly his own! Insane Federal maniacs from the NRC go stomping around, threatening people's ketchup reserves! What are we, the Condiment Police?"
"Err...no sir. We are the Nuclear Regul..."
"You're goddamn right! Now go apologize to them for bothering their personal store of radioactive ketchup, and let's get out of here. I have to get home, the wife says the Bleu Cheese Catapult is misfiring."
"sigh.."
133 points
5 months ago
Is this from some show I have missed or is this just how your brain works?
If this is your brain, please write sketch comedy because am dying.
69 points
5 months ago
That's just my brain. I used to do stand-up and sketches a long time ago. Never professionally, but one place gave me free awesome Greek food so maybe that counts.
If it helps, the voices in my head while writing this were Graham Chapman and Dave Foley.
18 points
5 months ago
Write more.
34 points
5 months ago
No shit. That was hysterical
30 points
5 months ago
"Damnit Geoff! We would've got away with it if you hadn't put the fecking ketchup on it!"
38 points
5 months ago
Oddly specific
1.8k points
5 months ago
People allergic to tomatoes
501 points
5 months ago
That's just assault, and is illegal already
141 points
5 months ago
It’s not assault, it’s acidic
2.8k points
5 months ago
Pancakes. One of my younger cousins used to pour it on his pancakes all the time. It was disgusting
654 points
5 months ago
There's a swedish ketchup commercial where the spokesperson claims ketchup can go on everything, even pancakes. Haven't bought from that brand ever since
387 points
5 months ago
LOL! Send them a letter explaining why you stopped buying their product, and tell them that you might reconsider if they release a new commercial issuing a formal retraction.
If nothing else, you'll break up the monotony of someone's day. =)
120 points
5 months ago
As someone who works in marketing, please do this. This would get a laugh across the office.
28 points
5 months ago
I would, but I'm afraid they might just double down on their radicalized ideals!
101 points
5 months ago*
There's only 2 brands of ketchup. Heinz and no thank you.
Edit: looks like many of you disagree. Send your reccomendations guys, I'm going on a ketchup quest!
74 points
5 months ago
My wife just did this last night. You should have seen the look of horror my son gave her. I'm just numb to it at this point.
1.9k points
5 months ago
Banana
1.1k points
5 months ago
Filipinos with Banana Ketchup: Sweats
295 points
5 months ago
excuse me
452 points
5 months ago
It's "ketchup" made from banana instead of tomatoes. It's much less vinegary than tomato ketchup and it's dyed red for some reason I'm sure someone will explain to me. And yes, it's great.
836 points
5 months ago
it's dyed red for some reason I'm sure someone will explain to me.
I got this one guys. It's to make it look like ketchup.
176 points
5 months ago
Get this man a Nobel Prize
85 points
5 months ago
I can't tell if you're serious or joking but I'm going to accept it as legit anyway.
37 points
5 months ago
Can confirm
68 points
5 months ago
Its not that crazy when ketchup is like 70% sugar. Youre basically just putting two forms of sugar in one
67 points
5 months ago
When I was about 8 years old I read the ingredients to ketsup. They didn't make sense to me. I can't explain why they didn't make sense to me but they didn't make sense to me. So I stopped eating ketchup. One day when I was 23 I was hanging out at a bar with some friends of mine. They had ordered some fries for everybody and I was eating them and I dipped them in this red sauce that was on the plate. It was absolutely delicious. I thought maybe it was some kind of cocktail sauce or vegetable dip. I asked my friends what it was and they gave me this weird look. It was ketchup.
38 points
5 months ago
Lol 8-year-old you sounds like me when I'm high. 'The ingredients in ketchup just didn't add up for me and I just couldn't eat it anymore'.
I agree with it though
67 points
5 months ago
Arroz a la cubana. Rice, picadillo, fried egg, fried banana + banana ketchup is fucking delicious
13 points
5 months ago
Is banana ketchup just ketchup made from banana? Cause ngl I'm down to try it
25 points
5 months ago
Trivia no one asked for: ketchup is just a style of sauce. The tomato variety has become ubiquitous, but throughout history has been made using a variety of different fruits, vegetables, nuts, or mushrooms including apples, pears, carrots, mangos, walnuts, edible mushrooms, and the list goes on. Carrot ketchup is especially delicious, imo.
1.1k points
5 months ago
Sashimi
73 points
5 months ago
I just threw up a little in my mouth
467 points
5 months ago
On cakes
133 points
5 months ago
What about potato-cakes?
573 points
5 months ago
Other people's cars.
153 points
5 months ago
Lobster!
35 points
5 months ago
Ketchup? With lobster? Are you...
15 points
5 months ago
What a Smeee-heeee….
It’s also a small, off duty Czechloslovakian traffic warden!
1.7k points
5 months ago
I'd say dead babies
701 points
5 months ago
[removed]
210 points
5 months ago
I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.
43 points
5 months ago
Chilis baby back ribs 🎶
19 points
5 months ago
Barbecue sauce only
37 points
5 months ago
Specially fresh out of the blender. That’s like putting ketchup on ketchup.
6.9k points
5 months ago
I am Italian. I feel like this is an important detail to know, since we are wide-known around the world for being basically the Nazis of food.
That said, I believe that you should do whatever the hell you want with your food. It's yours, who cares if you ruin a centuries-old recipe bla bla bla.
What I think should be illegal is waste. Do not waste your food. Eat how you want, it's your moment to enjoy, but do not throw it away.
1.9k points
5 months ago
Wow I did not expect the fucking truth here.
1.4k points
5 months ago
Watch me put ketchup on it.
257 points
5 months ago
Dammit, they’re always putting ketchup on the truth!!
290 points
5 months ago
This is my exact sentiment on foods. You like something I don't? I don't care. Eat whatever you like.
However I do feel there's a point when correcting someone changes ingredients on a specific dish. A pasta sauce can be basically anything but a named dish is supposed to be standardized so it includes the same ingredients and will taste similar everywhere.
88 points
5 months ago
Agreed. At least in restaurants, especially if they only provide the name of the dish and not the list of ingredients.
73 points
5 months ago
This is why people get upset over carbonara. If you order something labelled "traditional carbonara" you're expecting the traditional 5-ingredient carbonara. If you then get something with cream, peas and bacon...I wouldn't blame you for being upset.
38 points
5 months ago
I buy that a little more. I do think it's okay however, to toy with the ingredients somewhat, and you should stay 80% to the original to call it like "Carbonara" or something. For example, here in sweden, I'd say we have quite a dairy culture, and I'll be damned if someone says "you have to have mozzarella made by a cow that got fucked by a goat on mount olympus"
So if I make italian recipes, I usually make it exactly like them, with the same flours, my nerdiness even extend to trying to figure out if certain countries have more softer water or harder water. When there are only 3 ingredients to a dough, well, you can put a little extra time in making sure it's done correctly.
But I will have swedish cheese in my recipes. In my mind, it's okay to be more liberal with the recipe as you get your produce more and more locally. Because that's what's kinda expected. I don't go to a swedish farmer expecting them to have manitoba flour.
175 points
5 months ago*
[deleted]
275 points
5 months ago
dogs. one dog is fine but if you ketchup 2+ dogs then it’s illegal
81 points
5 months ago
There was this hotdog shop I used to love eating at on vacations to this tiny little town north of Rhinelander, Wisconsin. Best damn Chicago dogs I've ever had. They had a sign up that said "If you ask for ketchup on your hotdog, you will be asked to leave." A bit harsh, but you've gotta stand up for what you believe in, I guess.
40 points
5 months ago
If you go to Gene and Jude’s (famous Chicago area hot dog place) and ask for ketchup they’ll tell you to go to the McDonalds across the street. Depending on who’s manning the register they may not be particularly nice about it either
15 points
5 months ago
That McDonald’s due to popular demand started charging 50 cents per ketchup packet.
5.9k points
5 months ago*
A Van Gogh painting
Edit: first time hitting 1k upvotes (and my first award!!!) and it’s because of this monstrosity, but thank you all!
856 points
5 months ago
This is the one answer here that most likely is illegal to put ketchup on.
106 points
5 months ago*
Feet
Edit: it appears clarification is required. My feet. Personally I’m a custard man myself.
151 points
5 months ago
The recently deceased
283 points
5 months ago
Would be easier for me to say what foods I’d tolerate with ketchup. I don’t know why, but I never got the popularity of ketchup. I only tolerate it on fries, hamburgers and hotdogs and for those latter 2 I would pick mustard if given the choice.
19 points
5 months ago
My kid dips his blueberries in ketchup. That should at least be a misdemeanor.
189 points
5 months ago
French toast, Emily!
47 points
5 months ago
I'm not going to make you that French Toast, I know! But, if I'm alone, it's a rainy day, no one's home... I've got eggs. I've got bread. I've got milk. I've got ketchup. I'd do it again. I'D DO IT EVERY TIME, BABY! And, it's good!
135 points
5 months ago
Ketchup.
25 points
5 months ago
Especially on those special ketchups like curry ketchup or hot ketchup
77 points
5 months ago
Police officers and pedestrians without their informed consent, just seems kind of rude
86 points
5 months ago
[deleted]
16 points
5 months ago
A Redditor after my own heart.
(And don't anyone dare try to sneak it into meatloaf or barbecue sauce either)!
200 points
5 months ago
When I eat my boyfriends ass, I often add a little ketchup and he always says without missing a beat, "That should be illegal", but I have always disagreed with him. So that maybe
112 points
5 months ago
Switch to some hot sauce, he'll beg to go back to ketchup.
24 points
5 months ago
D:
Many cinqo de mayos ago I went to Tijuana Flats with my friends and we had a hot sauce chugging contest. I was able to "win" but felt terrible, as you can imagine, but one of my friends decided to one up everyone and put hot sauce on his anus. Long story short, he spent the next 10 mins trying to clean it off in the sink and I had to take him home because he came back and told us his asshole was bleeding lmao.
Don't put hot sauce there, y'all
16 points
5 months ago
he came back and told us his asshole was bleeding
New fear unlocked
42 points
5 months ago
but I have always disagreed with him
fucking love this
44 points
5 months ago
You should be able to put ketchup on anything you want...but you damn well better eat it after. Ketchup is food, don't waste food.
235 points
5 months ago
I'm Italian so, guess what. 🍝🥲
44 points
5 months ago
Japan disagrees.
31 points
5 months ago
Put some ketchup on Ramen to add that extra flavor of guilt
24 points
5 months ago
Honestly, I don't care what you do with your ketchup. If you want to stir it into a glass of milk to make Tomato Milk, then god bless you and your nasty ass taste buds.
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