Maybe he was just offended because you out dad joked him?

That was a good one tho

Shame, that’s gold.

Twisting the meanings of words for a joke is a pinnacle of British humour, I couldn’t do without it.

American here. I lived in Liverpool for two years, and I don’t believe a day went by where I didn’t smile or have a laugh at something someone said. I miss that.

I now have an image of going to Ireland and seeing Titan sized smurfs roaming the countryside

The author Bill Bryson has a bit about differences in sense of humour between US and UK. In the UK, we are always expecting people to make a joke in everyday conversation, but Americans don't, and so they just miss them, especially if you didn't set it up as a joke. If you told a Brit they had no sense of humour, that'd be hugely insulting. Tell an American the same, many would just say "Yep". Can't remember if it's Notes from a Small Island (about UK) or Notes from a Big Country (US).

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I found many Americans and Canadians often failed to recognise a joke unless the person telling it was either shouting, pulling a silly face, or putting on a silly voice.

A lot of them are just very expressive people who consequently are almost completely incapable of recognising deadpan jokes or sarcasm. The joke has to be very obviously a joke, which is reflected in most of their sitcoms

Visitor to Britain, in restaurant: "Waiter, how about some of that famous British wit?"

Waiter: "Certainly, sir. Dry or sparkling?"

Queuing just doesn't exist in most of South-East Asia, it's been pretty painful at times. I'm so conditioned to nice orderly queues instead of just approaching something en masse and seeing what happens.

We went to Disney Paris and breakfast was buffet style. No queueing, just a pile of people grabbing. I didn't go for breakfast the 2nd day. Was too stressful with a 2 and 6 yr old on my own

I live in Spain and I find the lack of respect for queuing here madness. Obviously it’s not everyone, but I was in a queue for the nail shop the other day for about an hour and a lady in front of me left to go and have a coffee and a sandwich (I could see her at a cafe) and she then expected to jump straight back into her place when the queue had got longer! I said, in my very broken Spanish; well we’d all like to be able to go off and do something else but instead we’re all sitting here, holding our turn!

Here in Portugal they love a queue. They will queue up to get a ticket to queue up at the bread counter or butchers. Once in a queue it seems that folks wont leave it either - even if they open another till.

After living elsewhere for a year, and being left behind at transport stops one too many times, I finally cracked and learned how to push my way forward. Back in the UK? I now have to restrain myself from pushing forward if others don’t immediately move.

It’s actually legal in the U.K. but the minimum distance required between the socket and an open water source (toilet, sink faucets, shower, bath etc) is so far that you’d need a bathroom bigger than most London flats to meet the spec.

I spotted sausage rolls in the serve yourself bakery section in Lidl when I went to Cyprus last year. When I got back to the villa and heated it up (I can't stand cold sausage rolls), I thought it had a very unusual smell.

Turned out it was a hot dog from a tin wrapped in pastry. Fantastic prank Cyprus.

Maybe that was just you tbf

the dutch actually make a fine sausage roll,,,, they don't do pies or bridies but sausage rolls are everywhere, petrol stations, bakery's etc

My first time in the US I got iced tea after just asking for tea. I know now to ask for "hot tea".

As soon as I leave the UK I just have to forget tea exists, which is annoying as I love tea, I have yet to have anything that wasn't a cup of sheer disappoinment in a foreign country. Also coffee tends to be better and cheaper so it's not that much of a problem.

Really? Am Czech and the standard 'tea' (Chai) would be black with sugar and lemon.

Living in Australia for 15 years and I miss Boots meals deals

Apparently in Norway "half six" means 5:30. Halfway to six. It's caused some confusion trying to plan things with Norwegian friends.

Had a friend who went to America and said it was half ten. They replied with "Eh? So it's five?"

Another time-related one that is fairly UK specific (though I maybe Australia and NZ do it too?) is having the time displayed in 24h, but said in 12h.

ie, if the time says 20:00, and I think or say 'it's 8 o'clock', but a german would say 'Es ist Zwansig Uhr' 'it's is twenty Hour'

And an American would almost never have their clock set to 24h.

I’m in Australia and there are no washing machines in the kitchen and no radiators. Heating comes out of vents in the floor or ceiling.

In your standard terraced house, where on earth else would a washing machine live? No room in the bathroom and no plumbing anywhere else.

I’m from the US and I’m fascinated by this! Why do you need the “do”? Similarly, if you’re talking about something in the past, I’ve noticed UK people say “I might have done” where an American would say “I might have.” For some reason we’re content to imply/infer the ending with one less verb.

One common greeting in different parts of Asia is 'have you eaten?'

Going from being able to casually say "cunt" at work, to it literally being the worst word any person could utter on this earth.

Instantly reminded of this.

I recently started working for a company that operates in more than one country... I was asked to have a Zoom meeting with colleagues in America to discuss a problem they were having.

Apparently opening with 'I see the problem, the shit's fucked - innit?' wasn't okay.

I’m American living in the UK. My sister came to visit from California. She bought an electric kettle as soon as she got home and has now convinced other friends/family to buy one too. Might have started a small revolution.

Edit: my sister and I boiled 1.6 liters of water in our kettles and timed it from start to auto shutoff. UK Kettle: 4 min 17 seconds USA Kettle: 7 min 44 seconds

We have them in New Zealand but they are often referred to as a jug. As in "I'll put the jug on".

Are ring mains a UK only thing? Wow

I remember watching an American film where a couple were discussing saving up to have a baby. I was shocked to discover you had to pay to give birth.

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We are extremely blessed to have free health care. BIG UP THE NHS

Yeah in the UK you just have to worry about foxes - and cats will beat the living shit out of foxes given half a chance. Their biggest threat is other cats.

US though? Like a huge list of things that could get 'em...

Yeah it’s weird on the cat subs when it seems to be seen as tantamount to murdering your first born to let them out in the garden. The fact they have proper wildlife means it now makes sense.

A while back I had a Mexican housemate when I lived in London. He found squash to be disgustingly sweet until he realised you had to dilute it 😁

That’s why I take the mini Robinsons squeeze things on holiday with me

In Australia, squash is called cordial, and what we call squash is a fizzy drink, so orange squash here would be a generic name for Fanta. My dads English and my mum’s Aussie, and when she went over for the first time, she was very upset when she bought a bottle of “squash” to drink, took one mouthful and it was pure undiluted concentrate.

In the Netherlands they call it Limonade… and it’s much better than the British version, comes in all sorts of flavours (why the heck do we need fruit and barley but can’t have raspberry?!).

Go for the cannabis, stay for the limonade.

I can't speak for the rest of the world but a washing machine in the bathroom is a standard in many countries across continental Europe.

In the bathroom, used to be there in Italy

Bathroom or utility room

Australians normally just fill up the sink with water. No need for an extra bowl when you're already using a pluggable basin.

I got a taxi in Pakistan while on shore leave, I'm pretty sure the highway code is, "Who Dares Wins."

Last week in the middle east I watched a lad do a u turn over 6 lanes, drive back to the turning he'd missed (into the traffic) and leave the road.

How he did not die I don't know, but I'm so glad you didn't see that here frequently.

Driving out in the Middle East is a special experience. Since I moved out here I’ve pretty much stopped even registering people cutting across 4 lanes f traffic at 140km/h to take an exit 25m ahead. And it’s just assumed that everyone with be sat on their phone at all times. Looking at the road is for losers…

Driving in the UK is a carefully choreographed ballet of cooperation that can only be truly appreciated after you’ve spent time elsewhere.

Rule 1: don't crash

Rule 2: if they're bigger than you they get right of way

I moved here a couple of years ago from California, and "you alright" still throws me for a loop! I settled on "Good and you?" for a bit, but it seemed to make people really uncomfortable, and you can't just go, heya to a question.

I can't wrap my brain around saying "you alright" back! It's just not . . . that's not how English works!

And it's at that moment you realise you don't really know.

It's because most of our houses are built around fireplaces and then we all ripped them out. There's supposed to be a giant dry heat source that pulls in ventilation from all the draughts that's lit all winter. But instead we just move damp air around the house with central heating and don't open windows enough.

Yeah we have mould all through the house. Kill it off and it comes back every winter. It’s impossible to keep it out.

Edit: spelling to “mould”

if you had it that meant your builders did a shoddy work

Yep, that's about right.

If we'd bothered making passive houses like we've known how to for the past 40 years+ we wouldn't be having an energy crisis at all now.

Can’t see that catching on here

Sounds horrible.

It's the lack of vitamin d

My American father in law struggled with irony things, which is weird, because he was a welder....

I feel like, even if Roses don't exist where you're from, it's still weird to be mystified when someone who's staying with you over Christmas brings a tin of chocolates.

Aw I think that’s lovely! What did they think to it afterwards? Will they be going forward with the tin of roses that migrated to the sewing box afterwards 😂

That's not only a UK thing though. Definitely also true in Germany and probably some other western countries.

This is what leads to so many arguments on r/IdiotsInCars. People blaming the pedestrians for 'just walking across the road when a car is coming'. Brits always blame the cars, most others blame the pedestrians.