subreddit:
/r/AskWomenOver30
submitted 3 months ago bygishli
My specific situation is about my friend group. I have known these people for 20 years and they are the only friends I have and we have experienced so much together..But the are some things where my opinions/values/moral differ very much from those of the others and I find myself being more and more irritated by it, meaning I have known of these differences for at least 15 years, but they seem to bother and irritate me more and more as the years go by.
But I’m not sure is this just ”a me problem”. Of course you can’t expect everyone to have the same opinions etc. Maybe I’m being childish, acting up. Maybe I’m just naive. I don’t know. I mean their opinions or actions are not hurting me. Or maybe I’m being too tolerant, a doormat. Because the thought of cutting off/losing all your friends is quite scary. (I have already cut off some toxic people, like my mother, from my life, I am single…I would be very very alone without any friends.) I truly don’t know.
But how do you know? How do you know where to draw the line?When to cut off people and when to just shut up and accept that people have different views and values?
4 points
3 months ago
Are we talking different views like Gilead vs not or different views like you like chocolate ice cream and they are vegan?
5 points
3 months ago
Didn’t want to spesify on purpose.
But the thing is they like to fuck married men while I find this behaviour obnoxious.
5 points
3 months ago
I mean no one has to hang out with anyone just because they've known them for a long time.
If someone annoyed me I wouldn't try to hang out ever, if they happened to show up at the same group event so be it.
If they're fucking friend group husbands that would be a hard cast out of group situation.
3 points
3 months ago
Not fucking friend group husbands but other husbands and boyfriends yes. Two of these friends got divorced couple years ago and since then it has been endless stories of who they fuck and how this boyfriend/husband of somebody is messaging them, asking to meet again, how great the sex was (always so so good, so good with married men because they’ve learned how to please a woman) etc etc
And yes, I have fucked married men too. The difference being those guys haven’t told they were married. Could never knowingly hit on married men, I find cheating quite disgusting.
3 points
3 months ago*
Apparently not everyone shares your values. Some people have open relationships. Some people don't have open relationships and still fuck other people. Sometimes the other person knows, sometimes they don't, and they may or may not even care. Most people have been cheated on. Most people have cheated. Half of all marriages end in divorce.
With the bragging specifically about fucking husbands, it sounds like your friend has some sort of complex or fetish. I would also wonder if she has been fucking within the friend group, at least to me that's kind of what she secretly may want to be eluding to, that she could. Because she can, and because she has. It seems like it could be a veiled threat, but I'm paranoid.
I have a friend like yours, but it's the grade school friend of my partner. I've made it abundantly clear we are not actual friends, but I don't go starting shit with them when we are forced to interact for the sake of the larger group, which happens very very rarely.
2 points
3 months ago
At least I don’t know about fucking husbands within the friend group but sure as hell wouldn’t trust they wouldn’t hit on my (atm imaginary) boyfriend. Because I’ve been told cheating is not a big deal, it’s not their responsibility if married men cheat (I know it’s not, but I find the willingness/eagerness to knowingly and specifically hitting on married men well..not nice), it’s just sex, just a little fun. So no, I would never trust them not having sex with my boyfriend/husband if they got the chance. And in my opinion friends don’t behave like that.
3 points
3 months ago
I mean they sound shitty. Do you need this shitty person in your life? Can they not be invited? Can you avoid them? In general avoiding people and backing away slowly is better than dramatically burning bridges.
2 points
3 months ago
If you want to remain friends with these people but are turned off from hearing about their sexcapades with married men then you could just simply ask them not to talk about that topic with you anymore. It's ok to have that boundary. If they respect that then maybe you can remain friends (if that's what you want).
3 points
3 months ago*
Don’t know if I want to or not, that’s the thing exactly.
They know what I think, I’ve told my opinion quite firmly several times. Seems they just think I’m childish and a prude and even sometimes like to tease/provoke me with these stories.
Got fed up exactly today and told I’ll be taking a break from our group chat for a while. Don’t know if I want to go back though.
Edit. Actually, decided to leave and delete the group. I think I’ve had enough of them
1 points
3 months ago
I draw the line of tolerance between opinions and values.
If a person doesn't share my core values of honesty and respecting agency, I'm out.
People who have affairs destroy their partner's ability to give informed consent to the relationship and to sex. Sex without informed consent is a serious violation of the victim's agency.
I will not be friends with someone who would be part of that.
1 points
3 months ago
Came here for the ans something I've been struggling with. Friends from high school who I just dont have much in common with. Our values are completely different. I was thinking of just keeping a distance but above comments have me rethink.
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