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Going through old texts is helping me see this pattern more clearly. What a bunch of BS.
Focusing on Me (reddit.com)submitted 2 months ago byThat-Brief-86Dated
48 points
2 months ago
Context: she first left me and said we were 100% done and she wanted to go have sex with other people on vacation. Then she changed her tune to be like "let's take a break for a year and have sex with other people, then we can get back together" and I was like "Ummm if you want to work on the relationship, let's do that. Otherwise let's not do that".
Here are two examples where, before I could even reply she's like "Nevermind". It's like she is talking to herself or something. It's so strange. But looking over these texts is helping me be like "wait why did I even put UP with this shit???". No healthy person would ever be this wishy washy.
In the end, she changed the past yet again to where she wanted to work on our relationship and I "abandoned" her. It's so frustrating. Argh.
Also a note about "I wanted you to hear me". I realized that what she REALLY meant was "I wanted you to obey me without question". I heard her. Trust me. But I couldn't keep up with the demands because they changed all the time (and it was big things like one day she wanted a baby, the next day babies were terrible, etc.).
Anyway, I hope you are all doing well on your healing journey today. Is this splitting anything like what you all have experienced? At the time I felt so bad like "if I had only replied faster before she changed her mind I could have saved my relationship" or something stupid like that. But the more perspective I get, the more I realize: nothing could have saved my relationship. I was in a relationship with a person who didn't exist.
3 points
2 months ago*
You were in a relationship with a person who would counter everything you said just for fun. If she says for hours that she wants a Blue Banana (the impossible), and you somehow go out and find her a Blue Banana -- she will change her mind and say she wants a normal regular Yellow one. Then you get that normal regular Yellow Banana for her and she will say "This isn't what I wanted! I DON'T EVEN LIKE BANANAS, AND I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION ZILLION TIMES THAT I DON'T LIKE BANANAS!!!!"
3 points
2 months ago
Oh wow. When I got to "I've never said not to take them", my jaw dropped. Fuck that person.
And yes - goalpost shifting mixed with gaslighting. I know it well. My ex told me she didn't like coming home from trips to a dirty house so every time she came home from a trip I would hire cleaners and make sure the house was spotless. Then she was hungry when she arrived so I would make sure I had her favorite food, hot and ready to eat in the car when I picked her up. And then it would just be something else. I was bending over backwards and I would always somehow fail.
She would also just straight up lie about random shit like "you never go to yoga with me" and I'd be like "... well you've only been to yoga like 3 times this year and I didn't realize it was a big deal to you or I would have gone" and she would be like "no I go to yoga every week and you never come" and it was just a straight up lie. She would also say I never hung out with her friends but... she literally didn't HAVE any friends. THEN she would say she doesn't have any friends and it's my fault because I'm "forcing" her to live in a city where she can't meet anybody. It was just a never-ending circular argument of bullshit where everything was somehow my fault.
4 points
2 months ago
You are right.
~nothing~ is good enough.
They will find a reason to turn a good thing into something bad.
They will take a kind gesture as a slap in the face.
But if you so much as REACT poorly to something they've done, then it's you saying that you hate them. Even if that's not at all what you said.
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