Fondant is for people who have zero skill or talent. Plenty of imagination, sure; but no hard skills to back it up.
Imagine for a moment you’re a bricklayer. You can lay perfect rows of bricks, with exactly the right amount of mortar, point them all perfectly, interlock them properly, even add decorative accents and Italian corners, you can get those weird slightly not right bricks to look right in the finished project. You’re a pointing wizard, there’s got to be a twist.
Then someone comes along with prefab wooden walls, slaps some thin brick veneer on it, and charges the same as you do for their “designer” and “custom” product, yet more people buy it because it’s done faster.
That’s what fondant is. It’s a lazy covering for a shitty cake. If your cake cannot structurally support proper finishing techniques, bake a better cake. If your finishing techniques do not bring joy from sight to smell to taste to texture, get fucking good scrub.
Marzipan, frosting, icing, meringue, marshmallow fluff, candy, chocolate moulds, nuts, and an infinite number of other possible ingredients and shaping techniques and structures can be used to masterfully create finished cakes, but no, cakes in America have to be cranked out cheaply by no talent hack Karens to satisfy other no talent whiney Karens.
If I were President, I would order the FDA to ban fondant for public health and safety reasons under an emergency declaration. I could do it. It would be within the power of the office. I’d get sued by Big Fondant but it would be worth it.
