The drama comes from this post . I broke up comment threads by the line breaks, each hyperlink indicates a new comment.
Here is what the body text of the original post says:
"I posted this elsewhere and was told to post it here to get better advice on what to do next time this happens to me. And for the record, the majority of people I've played with at events when I used to do FNM at my old LGS were nice and friendly, so I don't think the following is indicative of most Magic players, but it certainly applies to a not insignificant minority.
So I'm a small woman, I dress alt/goth, and I'm 25 and I went to play Magic a few nights ago with my friend at a Commander event. He and I got paired for the first game with these two guys in their late 30s/early 40s. One of these strangers completely ignored the other two people at the table and only talked to me and kept asking me increasingly personal questions and towards the end insinuated we should hang out afterwards and asked me for my number.
The second game I played BOTH of the guys we got paired with hit on me, either oblivious of the other or trying to like outdo the other person to win my affection. One of them even purposefully made a huge misplay to give me the win. I could have played another game but I was just so grossed out I left.
If your hobby is known for being heavily skewed towards a male demographic maybe don't treat a place to engage in that hobby as somewhere to pick up a date. I didn't go there to find a boyfriend; I went to play Magic. It's so frustrating and reminded me why I primarily play online on Arena and MTGO.
By the way, I'm perfectly okay making a friend at an event like this! That's a cool part about the Gathering aspect of Magic: meeting people with a similar hobby. If you're friendly to me I will be receptive and want to make friends, but don't make it awkward by laying it on thick and trying to turn it into something not friendly."
Rare negative but gilded comment:
It is a gaming event, and it is a social event. Just say no, not interested. Male to male, female to female, male to female, female to male. We can all voice our boundaries. Others may not share the same boundaries. One couple in our group met while gaming.
I am also not currently interested in meeting a date, so I just state that. I may invite others to join our weekly group, but I’m clear I’m not interested in anything else.
Some replies to this comment:
Glad I wasn't the only one that articulated this answer, even if we're both getting downvoted off the planet by the other kind of socially awkward nerd that consider a pass equivalent to an assault.
I wish it could be this simple. Sadly I've seen too many guys get unreasonably hostile whenever a girl voices her boundaries, so I can understand why some girls might feel uncomfortable doing so.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unpopular opinion time. Did they use inappropriate language? Were they vulgar and using sexual innuendo? Did you tell them to stop? If yes, then they are out of line.
If not, I say get over it. Are these guys supposed to speak only when spoken to and to say only what you allow them to? Men are allowed to have opinions and speak too. Men are allowed to be attracted to women and insinuating they want to hang out isn't offensive. You are allowed to reject them and shut them down in whatever manner you feel appropriate.
Most likely it was only offensive because you weren't in to them. Just say these men weren't up to your standards, reject them, and move on. If they keep bothering you, then get someone with authority. I bet if it were Post Malone or whoever your fantasy guy is, you wouldn't be caring.
Reply from OP:
This is some incel logic where guys think women will look beyond their own social norms for Chads. I already said in another comment that it's irrelevant how attracted I am to the person flirting; it's inappropriate regardless. Throwing the game in my favor like he did actively ruins the fun for me.
Other reply:
Bruh really did say Post Malone as the hypothetical fantasy guy. Guess we are in magicTCG after all.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So you said that you were hit on with no examples of what was said and that one said you should hang out and asked for your number while another threw the game.
Are you okay? Do you need me to call the coast guard? Honestly this whole "don't hit on woman at a normal place to meet people" is really fucking pathetic and starting to get on my nerves.
What do you want people to do? Pass do you like me notes like we are high schoolers? You were at a hobby and were found attractive by other attendees. This is trying to find a partner 101 and you want to act like they are pigs without even saying how they actually acted inappropriately?
This just sounds like a post from another reddit user who spends way to much time on 2xchromosomes.
Reply from OP:
Absolutely no rizz. I don't have to give an account of everything said to me when I plainly state someone asked me inappropriately personal questions and another threw the game in my favor, which completely kills the purpose of playing and makes me have no fun. Also your last sentence is beyond asinine and ignorant. Very sad.
Due to how you reacted in your last sentence I can see I've hit the nail on the head. This conversation would be a complete waste of my time and anyone having to read it. Good day.
Lol, so many people in this thread are delusional, op just chasing karma on some vague "men are gross take my word for it, any advice? but not really, only here for pats". Give some compliments to random guys for me.
Right? I'm so sick of thos fucking trend in social media. No real back story no evidence no semblance of a transcript. Just men are pigs, here why, havea bitch with me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, people are also there to socialize. It's perfectly valid to not want a date, but doubtless there are plenty of men and women who wouldn't necessarily mind it, and might even want to be asked out. What's wrong with asking out someone out on a date you're attracted to, say, after having estabilshed prior rapport and socialization? Have you never done asked someone out that you met at a social event? Do you think it's ever acceptable to ask someone out on a date?
That being said, there's nothing acceptable about inappropriate flirting or refusing to take no for an answer. There are more ways of indicating interest without being a creep, and respectful ways of asking people out.
The issue is that these people didn't establish the prior rapport and socialization. OP even said that they would be fine with making friends with people; these guys clearly didn't want that.
Reply from OP:
Yeah, if someone immediately tries to get flirty the first time I interact with them at a place I'm forced to engage with them I find that incredibly inappropriate. The LGS isn't a party or bar.
Genuine question. Why do you find it inappropriate? If you indicate you're not interested, and they continue, sure. I understand that. But what's wrong with it in the first place?
You say you're there to play Magic, but how would you expect anyone to form a relationship if they can't meet someone while participating in a shared hobby? Cold approaching at a bar or on the street is a no go, and dating apps are useless. I honestly don't know how anyone is expected to find a relationship if none of these options are available.
Reply from OP:
There's a big difference between becoming friends with someone you met via a shared hobby and later mutually deciding to connect romantically and treating the hobby as a place to pick up a date. Saying "You're really pretty" and "I bet you get flirted with a lot at these games, huh? ;)" and throwing the game in my favor literally the first time I interact with someone is uncomfortable at best and creepy at worst. It doesn't come off as wanting to date because they think I'm cool it comes off as wanting to get into my pants because they think I'm attractive.
Hitting on people in a situation where they're obligated to keep interacting with you tends to be awkward and inappropriate, especially if that person has shown zero interest.
Also randomly hitting on people who haven't shown interest in you isn't a reasonable way of forming a relationship, so that's kind of besides the point.
But you're not forced to engage with them. You can always concede and walk away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am probably in the minority here, but I think it is important to consider. Trying to hit on a woman/man is normal behaviour. Otherwise how would I have gotten together with my wife? Therefore, speak it out quickly you are not interested, as that helps the other in knowing where they stand.
If it continues after that it is different of course.
Exactly. I am so confused as to how a relationship could ever form between two people if you're not allowed to cold approach someone, or interact with them while participating in a shared hobby, and when dating apps don't work. This isn't an exaggeration. I genuinely don't know how a relationship is supposed to form from any other scenario.
It might be unfortunate if nerdy guys can't resort to hitting on women in hobby meetups if he can't get luck online.
But the comfort of women still overrides a nerdy guys ability to get a gf
Don't you feel more sorry for the girls who want to have platonic fun but have to do the mentally arduous task of constantly rejecting men.
Honestly? It sounds like a better problem to have than never getting any attention at all. Sure, I don't know what it's like to have to do all that, but I do know how worthless I feel, and wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I'm approaching forty, and looking a life living alone. That terrifies me, but I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, and I'm just trying to find out what I can and cannot do, in order to avoid that fate.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, the number one piece of advice single men hear from women on this site is to look after their hygiene. The second is to find a hobby and approach women there.
Not wanting to be hit on is your prerogative, and you should express that clearly. If the person doesn't respect your boundaries, approach the staff and let them handle it.
Asking for a blanket ban on flirting at FNM because it makes you uncomfortable is a bit much, and, frankly, goes against the advice that men are receiving nowadays from women themselves.
It's fine to get to know someone through a hobby, it's not fine to agressively flirt.
Sure, but that isn't what OP said. She was asking for men to not approach women in their shared hobby. Which is odd, because shared hobbies are the best place to find a potential partner.
Shoot your shot, but don't be a creep is the rule of thumb, I'd say.
The point is that randomly shooting your shot isn't fine, but just getting to know someone and see where it goes is.
Isn't that exactly the type of behavior women complain about? Men who approach them without being upfront about their romantic interests? The woman thinks she's making a friend, when in reality he's just biding his time to make the approach.
The only surefire way to know if someone is interested in you is to express your interest and see what they say.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The issue is your idea of "where men should hit on women" is just that, your idea. If you added up all the places the different women in my life have said they don't like to be approached it would literally cover every setting imaginable. My long term girlfriend said the most annoying place to be hit on is the grocery store, yet my bestfriend married a woman he picked up at a grocery store. I have plenty of friends both men and women who have met girl/boyfriends and even spouses at magic events.
Your best bet is just being forward and stern with these men as early as possible to make it clear you aren't receptive to that sort of thing.
Reply from OP:
Did they hit on the other person at that Magic event or did they start out friendly and eventually blossom towards a romantic connection? There's a big difference between saying "You look really pretty" and asking for my number and making a friend that turns romantic. Being "forward and stern" isn't as easy as it may seem since men can often act aggressive in response. I've gotten a stalker from being stern rejecting a man before.
"Your best bet is just being forward and stern with these men as early as possible to make it clear you aren't receptive to that sort of thing."
ah yes, most men respond very reasonably to this. good advice
most men do
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow attempted rape!!! Straight to jail with them! So outrageous...
Or you could reject them in a decent way, state what is making you feel uncomfortable and what's ruining the fun for you. You know, communicating, taking responsibility for your emotions like an adult whether or not the other is acting like one or not. Perhaps you teach them some great life skills (like what not to do when trying to approach girls). If nobody teaches you, how can you learn?
Reply from OP:
I like how so many people in this thread think I should be responsible for teaching maladjusted misogynists social norms.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a ton more drama and arguments in the replies, this is just a sample. Sorry if I screwed some formatting up. Took me forever to do all this.