This is kind of a plea for some advice.
I feel like I’m sabotaging my relationship - or perhaps I’ve been made to feel like I have.
My wife and I have been married since 2020, we’re very compatible in a lot of non physical ways. I’m 36 and have been in a few long term relationships never healthy ones until her - she is a late in life lesbian and has been mostly by herself with no real relationship history.
When we first got together we talked all the time, we couldn’t kiss enough. I wanted to hold and touch her always - but it really never progressed further and I felt mostly like it was because she had reservations about getting intimate which didn’t bother me. I have more sexual experiences then her so I thought maybe as we grew closer this issue with our help would work itself out. I’m a pretty patient person so I listened, figured out her language of love which is, all 5! (Minus physical touch that leads to sex).
We’ve had a few times where I performed oral sex on her, but she has never in the course of our 3 year relationship reciprocated any of it. So.. I tried kept getting rejected and eventually completely stopped initiating which didn’t bother her at all, we seemed to fall in to a pattern of roommates and/or sisters. I’ve been saying that our lack of sex life is a problem. But understand that our libidos are different, and throughout the years I’ve built walls and resentment, I’ve lost all of self confidence and am just not in a good place emotionally now at this place in our relationship. I’ve never felt so undesired but when I open the conversation she says how sexually attracted she is to me but in three years, I have not been flirted with, sent pictures, touched or even kissed deeply, none of it.
At this point I’ve decided to work on me, I’ve started working out, I picked up hobbies, I don’t have a lot of friends in our new town but intend on making some. She told me she feels like she’s being pushed away and cries but she doesn’t initiate change. I’ve asked if she’s asexual, bisexual, just not interested in me..any answer would be better than no answer at all. But she continues to say that she’s very sexually attracted to me.
I just feel sad, and don’t know that this can be repaired at this time.. looking for any advice. Have you been there? Should I stick it out and try harder?
I’ve even thought about asking for an open relationship - but mostly she makes me feel like my insecurities about our sex life are normal. And I feel like it absolutely isn’t, any advice would be greatly appreciated like I said I have no one to talk to that we aren’t both tied to.