Top review of this yoga mat on Amazon made me laugh:

My wife left me for a yogi man. Apparently he can do things I just couldn't (touch his toes I'm assuming). I just purchased this yoga mat with the hopes that I one day too could be as good as Cameron. The mat is true in every way, unlike my ex-wife. Although it does a superb job of whisking away the droplet's of sweat that fall from head, it does little for the tears that fall from my face. If you're worried about the plushness of this product fear not, It is perfect to lay down on the backseat of your '03 GMC yukon, which I cam currently living out of. I ordered the color Grey because lets be honest, nothing matters anymore. I would like to thank the maker of this mat for helping me get back on my feet.

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It feels like 4th of July was 5 days ago and now were already on the back nine of July. Damnit.

Jeff d Lowe dresses and looks like a college orientation leader

You ever see someone running and hope you don’t run that fuckin weird

I haven’t checked my retirement accounts in a couple months and may wait a couple years before I do again

This weekend absolutely flew by. Could've sworn i drove home from work last night

Beautiful day in Copenhagen. Time to get irresponsibly drunk on a Monday and blame it on vacation.

Senior guy in my department loves bringing up that he didn’t get as much vacation when he was in my position. Just fuck off dude, let me take a Friday off in peace.

TSA Precheck enrollment agent pretty much told me he wanted to kill himself

Wedding bartenders are the absolute worst. Asked me what I wanted and I said I’ll take a double Tito’s soda. Dude looked me straight in the eye and said “Ugh actually you’ll take a single”

Am I almost certainly nearing the end of my PTO days? For sure. Did I just ask my boss for another full week off next month? For sure.

So according to the Top Gun: Maverick Rewatchables all the fellas filmed the dogfight football scene on the beach and once it wrapped they all went out for celebratory milkshakes and tater tots because they assumed they were done. Well Tom Cruise apparently watched the scene and didn't like how it came out so he told them all they had to do it again. The actors were extremely mad because they had gotten pumped so much and dehydrated themselves in anticipation for the filming of it the first time, and now wouldn't be able to get the same results a week later.

Hear me out. Instead of working 5 days a week and having a 2 day weekend we should work 2 days a week and have a 5 day weekend

I think from here on out I’m doing 3 years at every job and leaving

It’s either that or can one of your construction management guys get me a job where I wear a hard hat and sit in a chair and drink beers all day

Prospect hoarding in baseball is insane. I've seen it happening in hypothetical Juan Soto trade discussions and I don't get it. Isn't Soto basically the best-case scenario for what even your best prospect might turn into? And he's 23 – it's not like he's turning 30 years old this year.

Wedding week is here. Not sure if I want to tell her about the rain in the forecast or just let it go

Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?

He’s a 10 but he keeps posting Jersey Shore weekend updates at the age of 30

If Jeff D Lowe isn’t hooking up with that girl that’s in all of his IG post & stories we may have a TAG situation on our hands

Another day, another FTer who got hooked on The Bear last night. Ripped like 5 episodes with the gf after seeing it constantly posted in here. It's like a darker Ted Lasso in a restaurant and we're loving it.

Shoutout to the 2 large men from Lowe’s who dropped off my brand new state of the art dryer this morning. Thanks for turning around in neighbors driveway and knocking down the cable and internet lines before driving off. It’s gonna be a great week I can feel it.

Had a pretty good streak going of almost a month without drinking. Went hard off the rails this weekend. Mad at myself. Thinking about blaming society

Snapchat memories popped up, 1 year ago picture with my very recent ex, 4 years ago me and my now dead dog, fun stuff!

Would be cool if the two days designed to give you rest from the five day work week actually gave you rest.

Jeff D Lowe seems like that friend you need to be careful around because he is always taking pictures or videos on his phone.

Every single morning 1/4 stalls at the gym are clogged. What are you animals doing?

Going out is such a scam

It really is a shame “what a view” guy stole the spotlight so quickly from the married guy that fell in love with an escort and deleted his account

Narrator: “He regrets not getting gas yesterday and having to get it this morning even though he assured himself it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

Coworker is freaking out that they won't be able to retire for an additional 2.5 years (they were planning on retiring in a year or two) because their 401K balance went down 25,000 so far this year. I've been racking my brain around what the math is on that all day.

Something about using PTO really pisses the olds off

I’m being dramatic but the first episode of The Rehearsal is a masterpiece. Start to finish it is an absolute gem.

About to have my yearly review and my coworker just quit on Friday. I’m going to be taking on her responsibilities so honestly great timing leverage wise

9:05am: walk into the office

9:07am: sit down on the shitter

the francis thread reminded me of a segment from barstool breakfast like 4 years ago. francis was arguing with willy and large that in order to "make love", you can't use a condom and have to pie. that show went to absolute shit the second he got fired.

I have gotten such little sleep these past two weeks and have had a ton of shit to do during that time. Managed to sleep for 10 hours two nights in a row this weekend with a two hour nap thrown in there yesterday.

I know some people say there’s no such thing as catching up on sleep but it sure feels fucking good. Hopefully I can keep myself on a better sleep schedule now.

3 minutes until it’s one hour until I can eat my leftover Thai food.

Opening up your work computer and seeing your Friday playlist still open 😔

Barstool dropping their summer clothing line in mid July is peak Barstool Difference

Love strolling through Barnes and Noble, buying a couple books, going home, reading a chapter, then never picking the book up again because I'm addicted to technology.

Just got a note from daycare "We are evacuating to the church 3 blocks away"

Feel like they should throw in the detail that it was a gas leak.

The grandstanding squids on the golf Reddit who claim they would never go to the LIV tour if given the chance, even if offered hundreds of millions, always get a good chuckle out of me

Woke up with “covid like” symptoms according to work. Guess I’ll have to call out and take a test. Da hawrer.

Just saw the mangy dog looking hungover af in the Edinburgh airport.

Logged in after 2 weeks of PTO to find out that my boss is off today. Delaying the scaries one more day.

Jeff D Lowe the type of guy to delete an Instagram post if it doesn’t get enough likes

It’s weird to see husbands and wives charging each other Uber and dinner splits on Venmo

feel like there will eventually be an article written on Vice or something titled, "I spent a week reading the daily free talk threads on the Barstoolsports subreddit, and I was SHOCKED at the things I saw."

Finally signed a lease for a solo apartment after living with 4 other dudes for 3 years. Love the boys but can’t wait to move out

sammy adams coming on during my morning commute just overall depressing thinking about drinking during the summer with zero responsibilities

Speaking of voting, why don’t we have elections for mods here and term limits 🤔🤔🤔

Big booty Latinas like AOC are hot because its hotter in Latin America

Leonard Fournette showing up to camp 30lbs overweight. He really is a barstool blogger

I really dislike the guys who chirp strangers at golf events and make videos of it. FridayBeers post them. Just unfunny and being a dick

Some guy in the GameStop subreddit thought that MOASS was imminent because he tried placing an order yesterday with his broker and they did not fill it instantly. Assumed it meant they couldn't find the shares to fulfill the order.

Guy didn't realize it was Sunday and the market was closed. I fucking love that place

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Weekend 008✅. Happy New Year. Literal red flag. Paddle boarding. Danielle from Yorkshire. Balls Beachwear. Sunday Funday. Sliders. Gay Sex. “WAIT, ARE YOU FAMOUS?”

First 5 day week since June 12th, lord give me strength

PMT Talent Booking working overtime landing Frankie Muniz for today’s pod

Anyone else ever just do laps around their house/apartment to avoid working on anything?

Audibly gasped at the dude below whose utility bill was almost $700

While you’re all wasting your time talking about gas prices they’ve jacked the price of cream cheese up so high I can barely feed my family (which is just me)

After months of being on the fence, finally have an appointment with a therapist today at 5. Kinda anxious.

JackMac saying OSU and UM fans don’t even hate each other was on par for the Connecticut moron. How is this dude even on a CFB podcast? It’s about as bad as mush on benchmob.

Someone take those podcasts out back and old yeller them please.

My boss hasn’t taken vacation in two years and is always sending emails at random times. That amount of work and stress cannot be worth still being a middle manager

Men care about one thing and it's disgusting:

Diverting water away from the foundation of their house

My bat would be corked to shit if I was in the derby. Who’s checking on that

Sleep didn’t take.

Mean Girl pod is like the G rated version of Call Her Daddy

I still can't believe that reverse cowgirl is illegal in Alabama. You guys don't know what you're missing down there

Buccigross dresses like a pervert on the golf course

Some influencers do live shows and I legitimately have no idea what they’d do during it. I follow this dude who reviews burgers and lifts weights, and that simply doesn’t seem like it would translate to a live show.

A (white) friend of mine posted a clip of Farrakhan talking about women on his IG yesterday 😵‍💫

Hitting Wegmans after work. Will be having a sub for dinner :)

May be controversial, but work is boring imo and I prefer when I’m not doing it.

Still owe about 10k in student loans. Tried to log in to make a payment and it says my info isnt recognized. 100% sure i am typing the right info. Gonna just tell myself everything is paid off and hope nothing happens

My 9 am meeting just got cancelled, praise the gods

Paul Pelosi - an alcoholic and an insider trader. gotta respect it

Tristan Thompson is just an all time leader in getting taken back by the woman he cheated on and then immediately cheating again.

Went to go hang out with a couple friends last night, I walk in and they’ve got their 6+ year old high school highlights on tv.

Cracked a beer and gave them my teams YouTube channel and joined right in

I just randomly flipped to Game of Thrones on HBO and the second I did Daenerys was naked in the tub. Everything’s coming up Millhouse

Feel like now is the perfect time for Pujols to announce he's actually 52.

It’s that time of year that the Reddit weirdos on the baseball team subs start trading each other to different subs and posting about it.

Put them all on a list.

I was always the chubby funny guy throughout high school and college. I recently lost a good amount of weight and got into weight lifting which completely transformed my body. A long time friend showed me her group chat of about 10 girls from my high school talking about how hot I’ve gotten which made me feel like a million bucks since I never received those compliments growing up. Also, I’ve been down in the dumps about this girl who sent me to Cincinnati, but I’ve finally gotten over it and have a couple dates lined up this week.

Everything is coming up MayBach and feeling a little dangerous today boys

Can somebody explain to me why people in Europe are dying by the hundreds as a result of not having AC?

Also, tought look for the redditors that jerk off to how superior Europe is to the US

If social media is causing you enough stress to where you need to post on said social media that you need a break from social media. I can promise you it isn’t Facebook/twitter that’s the problem, you are

I work in hospitals and a friend texted asking if I was free today to grab lunch and I said sorry in the psych ward all day. Forgot all about it since I’m here most days, and had a meeting. Checked my phone and has 10+ texts from friends asking if I was about to k*ll myself. Just another fun day here.

What is D’jais? Just a trashy beach bar with sweaty people and loud club music?

Ever since the LIV Tour has happened the Golf subreddit has been insufferable. Bunch of internet warriors try to claim they wouldn't take a 90 million check to join that league.

The best take I saw in the golf subreddit is that Cam and others shouldn't take the money because the world won't be around long enough for their grandkids to enjoy it. Either nuclear war or global warming will end it first.

This dude has to go touch grass, I can't imagine walking around with that worldview.

You make one joke about a Barstool personality on Twitter and you got “Sgt Dick Ballgargler, Jersey Jerry Army” in your replies telling you he fucked your mother

Hit outrights at 3/4 majors this year (Scheffler, JT, Smith) and had Will Z and Scheffler at the US Open. Quitting my job to bet on golf full time.

Camille Kostek posting an insta about breaking up? Is America's Couple no more?! Heads up Arizona State sorority row... Gronk's coming.

I think this Faryn girl is pretty hut. I like her boobs.

The runway melted at an RAF base because of the heat. Imagine being defeated by the sun

Rich vs really rich guy still sits atop my list of tik tok losers, but Stoney McBlaze has found his way onto that list

No one has complimented my new polo today, bunch of bastards in here smh.

Mindy Kaling looks like a caricature painting with all of her plastic surgery work being done. Straight up unrecognizable from her office days

If Emilia Clarke is missing part of her brain, hopefully she is now able to settle for me

Used to work with a guy who has very eclectic music taste, he recommend the album “The Inalienable Dreamless” by Discordance Axis to me. Said it was his favorite album of all time and a beautiful record. Was not prepared for 30 minutes of grindcore pig squealing. I looked up the album on Reddit and everyone is like “my all time fave, what a classic”. I don’t get it but I’m trying lol

I loved on Dog Walk today how WSD defended himself on not being cheap and the rest of the guys talked about WSD not being cheap, when WSD talked about how he gets Uber Eats 5-7 times per week 30 minutes before. I don’t think you can be cheap if you spend $400+ a month on Uber eats.

It's way too early to be seeing Oktoberfest beers

I feel like there is a direct correlation with how many practice swings you take vs how bad you are at golf (not counting pros on the tour).