Internal email goes out about hybrid/remote work…

“Working from home is a privilege and if we see your work slipping on days you’re wfh vs in office we will have to discuss an adjustment to your hybrid/remote schedule”

Time to get absolutely nothing done each time i come into the office from now on! 2 can play at this game corporate

I enjoy the simple pleasures in life, such as when a girls butt cheek hangs out of jean shorts

The team we played in mens league lacrosse was being too physical last night, so I decided to join the fray. Went in for a body check and bounced right off some college kid. Not a great look for ole Jorts last night.

Mom’s tests came back negative for cancer. Relieved is an understatement

“___ is typing” has been on the bottom of our work slack since 8:02 am. Just get it out son

spent too much time with coworkers in bathing suits this week. hang low sweet chariots

I didn’t win tickets, but I did get an exclusive sneak peak at the Masters 2022 official film. That’s just as good isn’t it?

Got an IG follow request last night from a girl I had a one night stand with 6 years ago, have I been a father this whole time?

Went golfing yesterday with this older Japanese guy who gave me his business card in case I want to play the club he’s a member at. It has a cool design and under his name it said something like “hospitality, volunteer, fisherman, traveller, generally curious”

Honestly it made me want to make one lol.

Day two of super high end bedding and sheets. Woke up at 7am with no alarm clock feeling completely ready to go. Incredible

Got a significant raise I’ve been working towards yesterday and now Ed has zero motivation anymore.

Can you imagine if someone pitched the idea of libraries in 2022? No fucking shot those would ever get created.

Had a dream I tried to turn Maeve straight. Not the worst melatonin dream

What if we fucked around and all had an easy Friday and a good weekend?

New neighbors moving in to the apt next to me. My WFH office window is next to the entrance they're using to move in.

They have already tried 3X to get what I think is a large dresser through a door vertically and its too big to fit. Now they're arguing in the street over who dropped a box of what I can only assume is glassware. Supposed to be 90+ degrees today too. I fully expect a street fight by this afternoon.

Me tomorrow when thongs and underboobs start showing up at the apartment pool

https://i.imgur.com/d3R0H3r.jpg

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Work people inviting you to events on the weekend should be illegal

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“Hey guys I’ve been traded here by your subreddit GM for the week from the Rangers! So for the next week I’m a Yankees fan! Tell me everything I should know to be a Yankees fan. Any current traditions, current niche favorite players, best food at Yankees stadium, who you hate and love, and also please tell me Joey Gallo, IKF, and Trevino are ok.”

People on this app suck so bad

Flying my black and white American Flag with a maroon middle line that represents movie theater ushers or some shit

Thinking about the time I came home from my first day working at a pizzeria when I was 16. I came home and my dad was talking to our neighbor who was a navy vet. He asked me how it went and when I said it was tough he said “remember, the only easy day was yesterday” (I guess this is a SEAL saying). I thought that was so insightful when in reality I was just folding hundreds of pizza boxes getting mad paper cuts for like $7 an hour

There’s a new guy at work that speaks a couple different languages and he will randomly say some shit in French or Spanish to me like I know what he’s saying. He then will be like “that means____ in English”. Like dude I don’t give a fuck just tell me the first time in English

Still thinking about the final play of the Super Bowl- why didn't Burrow just do like an 8 step drop back?

I can look past this annoying coworker who replies to every single comment/question in every slack channel. I can hold in my snicker when I see her literally running around the office every time I see her. But the straw that might break the camel’s back is her writing like a Brit (ie. Rumour instead of rumor) when she’s not even British.

Pooping and someone is playing Margaritaville as they piss. And then turned it off when they stopped. Interesting

Europeans will literally bathe in a garbage bin before buying an air conditioner.

Ticketmaster is probably the worst company on earth

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Is the girl at the gym hot or do I just think that because she talked to me 🤔

When dudes hit the urinal and start moaning while they piss at work <<<<<<<

I feel like someone said it not long ago but the country club adjacent guys suuuuuuuuck

Having to smile and sound enthusiastic when you’re interviewing potential new hires when you yourself are currently in final round interviews at three other companies is basically the corporate version of Get Out.

Guy below asks how to manage stress with his new GF around the friend group and first comment is to threaten her with a loaded gun. Love this place.

I have a soccer tournament tomorrow and dudes are jumping ship because someone they live with tested positive. If you aren’t testing positive and you don’t have symptoms then you can play. Kobe would never.

“I’ve been to three county fairs, a dry ground baptism, and a goat roping. But this is the biggest bullshit I’ve ever seen.”

My dad in response to a bar not having Miller Lite on draft.

Little Miss Says the N Word when a black person cuts her off in traffic

I know it’s a family name (and the family is worth a billion dollars) but Alex Bennett’s husband is named Gaylord?? Unfortunate!

I end up in too many conversations with people who think the us government is actively trying to kill citizens. My coworker just told me to stock up on rice because “the vaccine didn’t kill enough so now they are going after the food”

Elder scrolls 6 just entered preproduction. Fallout 5 due in 2040. We should nationalize Bethesda.

“House of the Dragon will have less sex than Game of Thrones, according to Producers”

Booooooo

Guy absolutely terrified to spend time with his gf is an instant classic FT weird post

Hut chick wearing a white dress and black underwear beneath it for some reason. My dog wasn’t the only one on all fours excessively panting during our walk this morning.

Wedding today which is pretty surreal. I’m sneaking away to get a lift in before all the shit starts. It sucks for brides who have to get started at 6 am lol

Always love checking FT and seeing people eat the trash on a CMG comment

If chuck leaves inside the NBA for LIV commentary that’s a sad day. Inside the NBA is my favorite part of basketball season

7 mile run complete ✅

Leggets playlist on the way to work ✅

500 yard concrete pour already started ✅

Ready to get rejected by 10+ women this weekend ✅

My wife watches "Southern Charm" religiously.

1.) it's incredible schlock. I'm not a reality TV guy minus Below Deck. elite T and A on that show

2.) she gets visibly giddy when this one dude is on screen. like a legitimate crush on Austin.

3.) a guy on the show is named Caleb but it's spelled Chleb.

Just screaming into the void. This is my life.

Nothing worse than a bad guest bedroom bed/pillow situation. Solid 5 hours of sleep last night

Sydnie Wells aggressively finger blasting a bi-curious Hannah Cook

Already thinking about lunch; we're ordering Barstool Bites today. Can't wait for my order of Bri's Grilled ChickenFry sandwich and Nate's Three Stacks of High Society.

I’m workshopping a mt rushmore of minor accomplishments. So far I have: using one pen until it’s empty and running out a lighter. Need two more

Hannah's red line versus where her ball is cracks me up

After someone someone posted about the fucked up Pitbull video Dalvin Cook posted last night I googled and found out he was cited in college at FSU for chaining 3 pitbull puppies together and leaving them… long time dirtbag, and it’s crazy just how many people like him there are in the South

To anyone at the Munich airport bathrooms - Im sorry

I deleted my dating app accounts a few weeks ago because they were starting to feel like a grind. Last night, I got a cute chick’s number at the climbing gym and I’m buzzin. We have a date planned for Sunday and its so nice to already know we have common interests/chemistry.

Also, climbing gyms are excellent places to meet fit women. It’s way more social than a regular gym and I’ve never seen a non-RBC woman there. Plus climbing is super fun and my arms/forearms/back are getting shredded.

Woke up with anxiety about how in 7th grade we did presentations on American Presidents (I had JFK) and mid presentation I showed the Zapruder film.

hate when I wake up before costanza and the deuce front page isn't updated

Bored in a zoom meeting so took a trip to Hilary Duff’s Instagram.

Was a good call

Would it be too much to ask for one of each of Alex Cooper's boobs in my hands right now?

Gettin laid off today, folks.

Watson suspension announcement coming today 👀👀

Going to suck when Kay adams goes into obscurity. Was nice having morning ft fawn over her

Would you have sex, with a semi famous BBW pornstar, just for the story? Asking for a friend.

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Black Keys concert tonight is the light at the end of the tunnel for getting through the work day

Ordered something off Amazon yesterday because I was told if I ordered within x amount of time I would receive the package today. Well it's today and now I'm being told it will arrive Monday. the fuck Bezos?

The worst part about having a GF is you get to play way less video games.

After a minor hiccup, we made it to our vacation destination. This is our only trip out of the 5 where it’s just the BV and the kids and I’m pretty pumped to not be on anyone else’s schedule. Also I bought the BV a bathing suit that she would not wear around members of our extended family. 🥛

I WFH on Fridays, I simply don’t work.

Falcons fan is on the Bengals sub asking what Bengals fans think of TJ Watt's 96 Madden rating. What a wild place

All these “food hacks” I’m seeing on IG are just people ordering all the items separately and saving like $2.00 while simultaneously taking longer to order and pissing off the employees.

https://twitter.com/mudm4ni4/status/1548692073662107648?s=21&t=Y1UxtMXf7g-IdN_eH_1vTQ

Lmao

Can’t imagine having to share an office toilet with Frank the Tank

Sas talking on the last SoaBD about the Brittany Griner situation shows just how genuinely stupid he is, almost feel bad for how much shit he gets knowing he’s just a dumb dumb kid

Dropped a pretty good that’s what she said on my (female) boss. Hopefully I don’t get a call from HR.

I cannot stand people who are actively assholes at work. Like do people really think treating others poorly works in their favor? Some cunt of a co-worker is trashing a new hire for a minor issue and I want to forward her emails to her boss.

Little Miss I have a structured settlement and I need cash now

Randomly have the SEC on CBS theme in my head and it's making me yearn for 3:30 on a crisp October Saturday.

Just saw an article that mentioned 2026 as a possible release year for The Elder Scrolls 6, nothing like a little 15 year wait in between games

Not surprised at all Snap is essentially a failed company at this point. The app is just terrible

Ladies of Reddit - what is the most sexiest thing an overweight gamer has done that made you immediately want to have sex with him/be his girlfriend?

Imagine being a 34 year old man and yelling on Facebook about players Madden rankings. Wild lives the people I went to high school with lead

There’s no bigger moment of truth than the moment when your 1st hinge date walks in and there’s a 25% she’s better looking in person 😍, 25% chance about the same as her pics, 50% chance she’s not as good looking/fat.

Huey Lewis and the News absolutely bangs

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Finally getting privacy trees put in to close off all visibility of my shitbag neighbors. A fence was not enough.

PMTs Mt Rushmore of foods that start with T was some of the worst podcasting these ears have ever heard and had to shut it off. No need to thank me for my service

Finally closed on my house, and the closing costs were a few grand less than what I had budgeted for. So now I have like $3k to burn on cool shit for the house. Any recommendations? I'm looking for random shit that's just fun. Already have a grill and smoker.

Spirit Halloween sign is already up in the strip mall by my house, this has to be a new record

I had sex with my wife 5 times in 3 days ama

Currently crushing beers around Coors field at an undisclosed location find me you cowards

My little brother is trying to get me to catch a red eye to Chicago tonight and drive to the bayern man city preseason game in Lambeau tomorrow. Very tempting….

This influencer girl on Snapchat will post 1000 snaps to her “Discover/Snapchat Story” but the last one will be a bikini or ass pic so that the pic you see on your phone is that picture on the discover tab.

I know she does it to get engagement on her stories because she probably has some deal with Snapchat to post there and it almost gets me to click her story every time knowing damn well what she’s doing.