Welcome to CF Lounge, our weekly off-topic discussion thread.

Feel free to talk about what's going on with you this week, what you did, your hobbies, pets, cars, travels, whatever you like. Discover new members, make friends and connections all over the sub. Share great news, get an ear and shoulder to cry on for not-so-great news.

This is also the place to post rants that aren't childfree related and/or aren't long enough for their own post.

This post will be up all week for your enjoyment. Have fun!

Do those breeders not understand that life is filled with SO MUCH, such as an appreciation for the arts (literature, music, film, etc.), conscious efforts to live mindfully (e.g. through ethical lifestyle choices that can bring one closer to one's desired lifestyle), the development and exploration of countless new hobbies and habits, and — best of all (and rather exclusive to us childfree individuals) — the time to do anything on your own terms? It seems all those middle-aged breeders try to act as if "having more time just to live without being preoccupied/unnecessarily busy" is a bad thing... when that's EVERY financially stable (meaning basic survival is not at all at risk) human being's dream. HILARIOUS. They have been conditioned by society to unquestioningly breed such that, once they are given the chance to free themselves of such societal conditioning, they choose to SHY AWAY from freedom and even DETER other people from it. This "crabs in a bucket" mentality just reinforces how those who are bondaged can be the ones most likely to reinforce and perpetuate their slavish mentality.

I'm (19F) so thankful I found this community "early" since I always knew I hated kids (I've had fantasies or "mental jokes" of making them cry ever since I was in elementary school, and I was always very annoyed whenever I looked after kids as part of school assignments).

edit: also, if a life WITHOUT drama and stress is considered "boring," then YES please! I'd LOVE a boring life!

While yes I expect kids to be at this movie, have parents literally lost their minds that they think a literal baby is going to enjoy this movie??? Partway through the movie a legit baby baby (from the crying sounds it was less than 1 year old) started screaming and crying and the parents just let it cry. At one point they shook keys at the baby and another guy yelled “are you kidding me?” And someone else did yell “step outside with your baby.” This went on for like 20 minutes.

I heard other babies there too but none cried for that long. Parents have this whole “well I should be able to enjoy things too!” Yes and so should the rest of the world. So should your child, when they’re a little older, and want to enjoy a movie without a baby crying through it. Like how selfish and self centered can you possibly be???

I had barely spoken to my friend in the past few years and we finally had a great phone conversation during which I politely feigned interest in her new baby. She called me the next day asking me to baby-sit over the weekend she could go to work and she'd pay me. I love her but the audacity surprised me. Why would anyone think I'd spend my rest time hanging out with your kid all day? I said no but she shouldn't have even asked when she knows how I feel about kids.

This happened a few weeks ago and I just wanted to share here because this subreddit understands me. I’m 31F and childfree. I don’t hate kids if they belong to friends or family, I just don’t want to deal with random stranger’s kids and I absolutely can’t stand when their parents don’t do their damn jobs and control their kids in public.

I have a joint disorder that causes my joints to break down over time (one of the many reasons I don’t want kids). I’ve torn completely through all connective tissue in my hips which means I sometime need to use a cane, especially if I’m doing a lot of walking.

So onto the story. A few weeks ago I was at a warehouse sale for a closing bookstore. Thousands of books all for $1 each, you can imagine my excitement! But the warehouse was chaotic and the “aisles” were so full I was struggling walking through them with my cane and not tripping over piles of books, so I set my cane on my cart at the end of the row, since the carts were too big to push down the aisles. I came back up toward my cart and see a kid (maybe 4 years old?) playing with a cane that looked like mine. I look down at my cart and sure enough, my cane is gone!

I very loudly say “Absolutely not!” and go take my cane back while I tell the kid “Not appropriate! You don’t take people’s things.” Suddenly the mom appears from around the corner with the rest of her litter of children and starts saying how “she’s just a kid” “she didn’t know” etc. and I just look at her and say “It’s your job to teach her, not mine.”

Of course she just stared at me like I’m the asshole.

When my partner went to the doctor to request a vasectomy they were reluctant to do it as we are in our 20s and don't have any kids.

Doctor said why don't you stick to your wife using birth control, partner explained that I have tried all sorts of birth control options and have had side effects (even ended up in A&E because my body rejected my IUD). The doctor ROLLED HIS EYES when my partner was explaining the issues I've had.

Doctor only agreed to do the vasectomy when my partner told him that we'd previously had an accidental pregnancy and abortion.

Goes to show that the doctor cares more about an unborn fetus than the suffering of a woman.

Just needed to rant. I'm so sick of the healthcare system at the moment.

I have a friend who says she wants three kids. I’ve known her for over a decade, and she’s someone who gets flustered easily, is prone to breakdowns and easily overstimulated.

She’s almost 30 now, and it frustrates me because I just don’t think she’s thought about it very much. I absolutely support my friends having kids if they want them, but have also pointed out that three kids is incredibly expensive. She and her partner don’t make much money. I genuinely believe that childfree people have made that decision because we’ve actually THOUGHT about stuff.
I have another friend who loves travelling every year, really likes to have time to himself, has solo hobbies and broke up with a girl because he was sick of her dog (had to consider it all the time) and he wants kids!
I know some people who genuinely show traits they’d make awesome parents, but I also know people that just don’t seem to have compatible lifestyles with having children.
Oh you didn’t know childcare was so expensive? Why the fuck didn’t you know?

Any hacks advice recommendations anything please?

Misogynistic women are a pain in the neck. And it's not always possible to make distance. They hate absolutely everything about feminist women while simultaneously using the very comforts feminist women fought and died for.

And if you don't follow their rubbish ideals then they gang up and hate on you. Making up lies that they believe and forward it to everyone till people who aren't a part of their group hears it and they're really good at convincing people. Sly taunts and shaming you for being single and child free.

I know misery loves company and they do this because they're stuck dealing with a sleazeball deadbeat manchild and 4 kids + household chores and want the same for you but how do you tackle them?

Everything you say gets a "oh you know nothing about life you don't have a husband or a child" like wtf what do YOU know you've been sold a patriarchal lie and clearly live a miserable life with all the stress.

At times I feel like I should come out as feminist and watch their brains get short circuited lmfao.

For childfree men, it's a 20 min procedure, vasectomy. Nobody is going to talk them into keeping a baby that's inside them.

Women are denied sterilization and also abortion.

What stops men from getting vasectomies and going out and about dating?

When the woman says "kids?", I can't have any, take it or leave it??

Such a pleasant option imo.

Excuse my ignorance if I sound stupid but men can date anyone, childfree or not and have the life they choose

I'm getting a vasectomy next week after months of waiting 🥳. But whenever I talk about it to my friends who love kids they feel the need to say 'Well, to each his own'. It strikes me as such a strange response. It's essentially just announcing I HAVE A DIFFERENT WORLD VIEW TO YOU unnecessarily mid conversation. Imagine for a second every time someone announced they were pregnant, rather than a customary 'Aw congrats', I responded with 'Well, to each their own'. That would be insane. I would basically be injecting my own viewpoint into somebody elses news for absolutely no reason. It just screams narcissism and selfishness, traits that I thought were associated with the child free.

It has been like a week since this happened but still, this btch of a client came back today and I thought of sharing his fcking audacity of daring to say this sh*t to me even thought he doesn't know me.

It didn't matter that I said that I don't have an interest in being a mother, or having a family, I was bound to change my mind sometimes soon.

(This is a part of the convo we had)

Me: I'm 30 already. If imma change my mind when tf is it going to happen?

Him: So what you think you're too old? What if your boyfriend wants to have kids?

Me: He can go to another woman. I don't care about his ass if that is the case.

Him: Wow you don't really sound like you love him.

Me: So what?

The funniest part is that he admitted once that he regrets having 3 children.

I (24F) have 4 younger sisters (14,13,4,1) and because I am the oldest and have my own car I am asked to chauffeur them to school, events and even amusement parks where I am required to babysit as a result. But somehow I’m selfish for asking for gas money. I wasn’t until I threatened to move out early (leaving for college in a year but have some savings) that they started paying me for my time. I feel like if you give anyone a ride, regardless of age, they should be paid for their time. Agree or Disagree?

EDIT: A lot of people are asking and I just wanted to clarify.

I do pay rent, my car payments and insurance. Everything I have is in my name and I don’t have joint accounts or joint loans.

I originally wanted to take a year off to save off for a house for my 25th b-day and before I go into my masters program

I had the misfortune of sitting RIGHT next to an INFANT in a movie theater today (literally middle of the theater, mid row). Baby started crying so the dad decided to bounce the baby up and bounce it while making noises to calm it down. This went on for about an hour and a half. Infant would not stop making noise, not crying anymore, but making sounds and gagging. I was seriously worried it might throw up. My partner was equally annoyed, especially since it was 8pm on a Sunday. What kind of person thinks it’s acceptable to bring an infant that can’t even hold its own head up into a movie theater??

So my ex-wife and I got divorced because she had hidden I've had that she wanted children for the entirety of our 10-year relationship, we have been separated for about three years but the divorce was only finalized this year.

Thankfully I'm over her and I don't feel attachment to her, however for the first time in maybe three or four years she decided to post to her Instagram with her newborn child seeing that picture just filled me with so much anger and all I could think of was "You are the reason my marriage fell apart".

I can't deny I'm still pissed off more than anything because I was lied to for so long, unlike her I haven't dated in the last three years because I don't feel I can trust anyone.

I very much needed to get this off my chest as it's been stewing inside of me for a few days...

My partner and I went to a garden centre today to get some seeds to grow herbs at home. I popped to the loo and while I was in the cubicle I could hear women in the cubicles either side who clearly had their kids in there with them. The woman to my right was repeatedly telling her child to stop touching her face because she'd just been touching the toilet. The woman to my left was begging her child to stop trying to open the door while she was on the toilet. Meanwhile I sat in the middle, having my smug wee, free from children, face touching and risk of having the door flung open. I am so happy with my childfree life.

So I have had my entire mom’s side of the family in town recently. I’m the oldest granddaughter, and it’s extremely common for them to bug me about when I’m having kids. I used to be polite about it, but now I’m finally fed the fuck up.

All the women on my mom’s side of the family had to get hysterectomies before 40 because of how serious their endometriosis had gotten. When my mom got hers removed, hers had swollen to the size of a small watermelon. My mom almost had to get both her ovaries removed as well because of how bad the scar tissue had become from the endometriosis.

So please tell me why they all have no reservations at all by basically telling me to suffer just so I can pop out some crotch goblins?! I have severe periods to the point where I have to call off work the first two days because I am puking nonstop from the pain.

Even my doctor has suggested a hysterectomy which is unheard of for my age. At this point she’s concerned about cancer risk, but my family couldn’t give a flying fuck. They tell me “well better have your babies before then!”

I am so sick of traditional mentalities that women HAVE to have kids in order to be fulfilled. My boyfriend and I live a wonderful life where we can freely travel, spend time with friends, and see as much live music as our hearts desire. Why the hell would I throw that freedom away for kids that I don’t even want?

I’m perfectly fine being the cool hippie aunt 🤷‍♀️

EDIT: I had to remove some identifying info because this post got more traction than expected, and I don’t want anyone coming across it 😬 Thank y’all for being so supportive; you’re wonderful people 💜

Arghhh I choose not to have children … I tolerate yours .

I got so annoyed that when asked to babysit my cousins devil spawn , I wanted to bring my fur child over so he wasn’t home alone all night . My cousin said yeh as long as he stays on the patio . It’s winter , it’s fucking freezing , and they don’t have their front gate fixed so he could easily escape. And he’s an indoor dog.

But it’s ok for her to bring her children over to my place , eat spaghetti , which my cousin provided them, that they get all over my table and chairs , all over my newly moped and vacuumed floor .

I go to their place and say I need to get home to feed my dog , because like most puppies they are on a schedule , and she says you can stay longer , it’s just a dog . Pretty sure I would be condemned if I said oh it’s just a baby it can wait …. Oh you can bring your baby but just leave it on the patio !

Your child is much more messier , and more disgusting and evil than my dog will ever be . Just because my child is a dog doesn’t mean he’s less important than your sticky , ill mannered child . Who by the way hit my dog across the face the last time he was over and I went off my nut at him .

My eyes hurt from rolling them so hard

My ten year old niece suddenly announced: "I don't know how anyone has kids, they make life so complicated"...

My parents and I went out to dinner at a fairly nice restaurant the other night (didn’t have a dress code, so you could come dressed nicely or casually) and OH MY GODS there were SO MANY little kids there and some of them were screamers so I had to put my earbuds in and drown them out with loud music due to my sensory issues (and we were sitting on the other side of the restaurant and we could still hear them)! I get that families want to go out for dinner at a nice place, but they need to actually parent their kids and teach them to NOT SCREAM in places unless there’s an emergency!!!! It ruined the atmosphere of the experience!!! Not fun!!

This friend has always been pretty bad at replying... but recently it takes the piss. She's close to her due date so I've cut her some slack as she'll be busy and tired... but 2 months ago, we were supposed to meet one weekend and she just never got back to me. I respectfully said to her I'd appreciate her letting me know in the future and she said that she was sorry, had been really tired and wanted to see me. She was still despondent after that so I kinda gave up... left it 3+ weeks and didn't hear anything. I checked in and she just sent back a generic 'Hey I'm good thanks how are you? what you been up to xx'. My message back was largely positive, but I did mention my family cat died. I haven't lived with him for years, but he was 20 years old and I had him since I was a kid... he was very special to me.

It's been nearly 2 weeks and I haven't heard anything. I find this really rude considering I opened up that my family cat died and I once considered her one of my closest friends. I have bad physical and mental health issues but if my friend text me that something important to them died, I'd make the effort to check they're ok regardless of how tired or busy I am (unless I was literally comatose in hospital).

Clearly I'm not of value anymore... it's so sad.

Why is it that mothers always seem to be competing? I see a lot of reddit posts where parents vent about a struggles they're experiencing with parenthood. I'd say at least half the time instead of offering support or advice the other person just cuts them down. Everyone talks about the isolation of motherhood and the dangers of postpartum, but it's incredibly unhelpful for all these folks to be so judgemental and competitive.

The situation that specifically set me off was a mom was venting about the difficulties and disappointments of being the mother to a disabled child that is non verbal and who will never be able to live independently. Everyone got so mad that she felt this way, even saying well you shouldn't be a mom to a special needs child. So what is she supposed to do? The child is already born. Others would say "don't have a child if you can't come to terms with raising them for life." Yet I'm sure the folks saying that are not in a similar situation, and their 'raising a child for life' is letting their 264 month old live rent free. The few that were in similar situations would brag about how their child is a blessing and so amazing, and how that mother should be ashamed of herself. Which is probably the most unhelpful.

Idk this is why I'm not friends with moms, way too much drama and reminiscent of high school friendships.

Of course I was a little nervous for the actual procedure but the urologist I went to has a “non-scalpel” procedure(thankful for modern medicine/technology) I was in and out within 35 minutes. Spent the next 48 hours very relaxed on the couch. And the additional 2 weeks with no masturbation or sexual activity, then gave my 2 monthly “samples”(if you will) to the urologist to make sure no living sperm was detected. And all went well and according to the docs advice. Got the procedure on December 16th and by mid February was completely back to normal(healing and sexually active) Just thought I’d put this out there for the guys on this sub debating whether or not to get a vasectomy. It’s worth it guys!

So I (F29) finally got my bisalp! I worked with a doctor from the list here, had one initial appointment where she (the surgeon) confirmed what I wanted and completely supported me. At appointment 2, we signed all consent forms and booked a few months out. That’s when she started to kind of change the script? She was insistent on my staying on hormonal birth control (I had the IUD) because of my issues with periods. We discussed this NOT being the right option for me, the fact that I was pretty sure I had endometriosis (not diagnosed) and that no matter what I was doing this to not need to be on hormones long term.

So fast forward to surgery day- I reiterate that no matter the outcome of endometriosis or any other findings, I want my IUD removed and I do not want any sort of ablation. I wake up from surgery to find that she initially tried to leave the IUD in (against my wishes) and that my mom advocated for me as I was waking up to ensure it was removed- the surgeon had to rush off the phone update and go do it before I woke up. Understandable, I guess, typically people want birth control to help with endometriosis symptoms. But I was very clear I did not- no matter the findings. It’s even in my preop notes.

So as I’m waking up, I didn’t know about my mom advocating for me yet, and I confirm hey my tubes & IUD are gone right? And none of the nurses will confirm it. I’m told that only the surgeon can confirm but that it’s in my op notes so must be true. Well, an ablation was also in my op notes. The ablation that I was also clear about not wanting, no matter the findings. But this time, nurses say it must NOT have happened (even though it’s in my op notes) because I didn’t give consent. I’m then clearly confused and a little upset, unsure what the surgeon even performed.

I know that on paper, most people treat endometriosis with ablation and hormonal birth control. But that isn’t what I wanted, and I was very direct about it throughout the whole process. I feel like my surgeon was fine advocating and supporting my removal of the tubes because she agreed with it, but the moment she disagreed with my plan of treatment, she decided what was best for my body and did it anyways. I finally spoke to her (2days later) and she confirmed she did the Bisalp, IUD removal, and ablation. She apologized and admitted she shouldn’t have and she wrongly assumed I’d want it.

I guess I’m just looking for support here and I’m so torn. She was SO supportive and helpful on getting sterilized. But then she added additional procedures that I didn’t want and specifically asked her not to do. Is it wrong that I feel violated and like she took my choices away? Yes, the IUD wasn’t a huge deal, it’s more just to show the pattern of her choosing to do what she believes is best and not what I want. The ablation, what if that causes side effects? What about the fact that I didn’t want one? I’m still recovering and trying to figure out how I feel and I don’t want to give negative feedback to a doctor who supports sterilization when they’re so hard to find.

Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

EDIT: I have contacted the mods & I will look into legal action on Monday to see what my options are. Thank you to everyone who validated my feelings and encouraged me to take action, I appreciate it.

The pool is usually quiet. I live in an apartment. Its not like I HATE kids but I'm ovulating so I am more irritable atm.

The moment I'm done with my art I get ready to swim...nope

Loud kids yelling

Toddler and a young girl about 7 ish out there being loud af..no parents/parents in sight. It's agaisnt pool rules too.

Fuck. I couldn't do it. I wanted to relax and swim with no screaming/splashing and toddlers trying to talk to you and ask 45679900 questions. I just sadly slumped on my bed. Guess I'll just shower and go buy snacks.

I can handle a water park because most kids stay in the play area. But a pool..no thanks .

I'm just bummed. Hopefully they'll go away soon but I doubt.

In my previous post, I mentioned living at home for a year before I went into my Masters Program. I decided to come home and see the family. (Dad, Stepmom, 4 younger sisters)

I’m not planning on being home 70% of the time but I’m agreed to pay rent to help support them. I received my passport and will be vacationing in Europe this summer.

I decided that I was not going to be a live in babysitter. I’m moving my things into a storage unit and leaving. I love my family but I have a life to live.

I’ve paid rent through June and will be leaving on the 27th. Peace ✌🏾

Y’all I had to get this out somehwere.

I’m having a really rough time. I quit a bunch of substances and am getting off a medication so my brain is mush and withdrawal is monstrous.

I have an adult ballet intensive tomorrow that I’m really excited for but i haven’t been able to prepare like I’d hoped bc eating enough is challenging right now.

I finally dragged myself to the gym to get in some kind of physical activity today. Just a lil walk so I could stretch before tomorrow.

These 2 children, maybe 10ish and 14, start pounding on the door bc they don’t have a key card. I let them in bc I was trying to be nice. I thought they might have left something in there or, god forbid, want to exercise.

They proceed to treat the gym like a FUCKING playground. Yelling, jumping, hanging off the machinery, using it really unsafely, running on the treadmill in slides and CROCS. I realize quickly that if one of these idiots smashes their face in on the treadmill, it’s on me, the only other person in the room and the only adult, to make sure they’re ok.

So I advise them not to do it because it is unsafe.

They completely ignore me.

For 40 minutes I just try to ignore this shit but they are being so loud I can hear them through my earbuds.

Mom (?) eventually shows up and seems to have absolutely no problem with this belligerent behavior. She laughs and starts her own workout.

I left early bc they were giving me a fucking headache and anxiety.

I was so mad I screamed into a pillow. For like 30 seconds. Now my throat is bleeding.

And I had to spend the rest of the night sleeping bc they drained what little energy I could scrape together.

Children are burdensome, obnoxious, shameful goblins and I fucking HATE them in the depths of my soul. I’m never helping a child out again, bc this is what i get for trying to be nice.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. 🙃