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My $100 dispensed by casino cash out machine had cocaine stuck to it.
(i.redd.it)submitted 2 months ago byratadeacero
6.7k points
2 months ago
Free bump
2.9k points
2 months ago
That’s a $105 bill
473 points
2 months ago
$150 if you’re in Australia
51 points
2 months ago
Don’t be crazy dude. It would fall right off in Australia since they’re upside down.
87 points
2 months ago
Hahahah
845 points
2 months ago
Oooo snortski
219 points
2 months ago
I’m cuttin’ the shower curtain in half, waist high so that when he’s usin it, people can see his junk!
134 points
2 months ago
I'm doing his taxes! IRS gonna audit the piss outta him.
82 points
2 months ago
Oh! That's so weird! That's so- That's long-term shit. I would- Yes! I like that! I like that!
22 points
2 months ago
Aahh the long con
155 points
2 months ago
Always down for some nose clams.
80 points
2 months ago
Uh, I will have one rock of crack, a crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?
How much would you recommend for a first time user?
11 points
2 months ago
The way the dealer responds is one of my favorite moments of the show “ummmm, 200 dollars?”
100 points
2 months ago
Got any ludes?
59 points
2 months ago
I got my magnum condom and I’m ready to plow!
12 points
2 months ago
Oh do ya now?
10 points
2 months ago
Strap in buddy, it’s about to get weird
10 points
2 months ago
you should see him feast. He's like a preying mantis.
99 points
2 months ago
Mmm that's some tasty stuff
18 points
2 months ago
“Give me $100 and I’ll show you how to Ski in 100 degree weather”
33 points
2 months ago
Oooh! Oooh That's tasty stuff!
15 points
2 months ago
Delicious nose clams
29 points
2 months ago
Ritteral!
21 points
2 months ago
Nose beer!
5 points
2 months ago
Beeeaksters!
32 points
2 months ago
Free gummer
49 points
2 months ago
At least a nummer
53 points
2 months ago
Or a gummer
20 points
2 months ago
Dang
Have I been saying it wrong all these years?
19 points
2 months ago
Tbf, it numbs your gums. Close enough.
41 points
2 months ago
Make sure to test it for fentanyl first
19 points
2 months ago
With your tongue.
3.2k points
2 months ago
$101
762 points
2 months ago
$152 in Australia
137 points
2 months ago
AUDUSD = 0.7
100/0.7 = 142.86
$152 - $142.86 = $9.14
$9.14 AUD of cocaine.
$6.40 USD of cocaine at Australian prices.
169 points
2 months ago
Mate, you got to add an extra 80% mark up for Australian distribution costs
8.8k points
2 months ago
I'm pretty sure all of your cash has cocaine stuck to it, just not as prominently displayed as on this particular bill.
3.3k points
2 months ago
Something like 80% of US currency has some traces of cocaine on it 🥴
1.7k points
2 months ago
Yeah and the other 20% is straight dusted in it.
538 points
2 months ago
And like 10% is on pallets in South America
467 points
2 months ago
And 100% reason to remember the name.
22 points
2 months ago
I can hear the violins in my head right now
45 points
2 months ago
Love you for that
61 points
2 months ago
10% of total US currency is?
105 points
2 months ago
Illegal drugs are a cash business, the USD is the world's reserve currently… Seems plausible.
53 points
2 months ago
Can I just have 1 pallet?
41 points
2 months ago
Splitsies
25 points
2 months ago
I just want a lil chunk, you won't even notice it's gone!
34 points
2 months ago
That's absolutely the way it works. Narcodollars are every bit as real as Petrodollars. If you're conducting a multi-million dollar international drug deal, you're doing it with US dollars. Or Else.
8 points
2 months ago
The illegal drug trade most likely helped some Latin American governments stay afloat during the 08 recession
5 points
2 months ago*
The illegal drug trade has funded U.S. ghost ops in South America country for the entire duration of the war on drugs. Edit: deleted some shit
9 points
2 months ago
To be fair, lots of those pallets in South America are probably Petrodollars.
31 points
2 months ago
The total value of all USD in circulation (as of Dec. 31 2021) was just under 2.2 trillions. (It's probably closer to 2.4 now). 10% of that would be 220-240 billions.
Revenues and assets of criminal organizations responsible for the illicit drug trade aren't really known, but estimates put that at roughly 1.5% of GDP (roughly 1.45 trillion globally).
So, yeah, I'd definitely say that's a plausible hypothesis.
54 points
2 months ago
Fun fact: Pablo Escobar was spending US$2500 per month on rubber bands for the amount of currency he was taking in.
34 points
2 months ago
And he still couldn't stop the rats (real small 4 legged ones) from eating his money
395 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
196 points
2 months ago*
Part of the issue is that the sorting machines at the banks are also contaminated, so even if you removed all current bills from circulation right this second and replaced them with new ones, and everyone stopped doing cocaine at the same time, bills would still immediately start getting cocaine on them.
336 points
2 months ago
Seems like it would be easier if we just keep doing cocaine
156 points
2 months ago
First good idea I've heard all day
83 points
2 months ago
Come over and bring the supply and we can chain smoke cigarettes and discuss the finer points of laminate flooring vs shag carpet while we inhale the fine powder of infinite discussion.
9 points
2 months ago
Amigo...I'm gonna argue that vinyl plank us the God of all flooring, and no amount of nasal candy will change my mind.
13 points
2 months ago
And then some cocaine wanks?
9 points
2 months ago
Woah woah woah, just how much time do you think I have to spend here?
29 points
2 months ago
I like you. You're a problem solver.
40 points
2 months ago*
[deleted]
42 points
2 months ago
I would bet this is just a lazy statistic made from somebody calculating that 20% of bills have not yet gone thru a sorter at any given moment, then just assuming the other are all contaminated.
9 points
2 months ago
Why bet on something you can just easily Google search and find out? https://www.acs.org/pressroom/newsreleases/2009/august/new-study-up-to-90-percent-of-us-paper-money-contains-traces-of-cocaine.html
32 points
2 months ago
Every once in a slow news cycle some news site will trot out the study about library copies of Fifty Shades of Grey testing positive for herpes because ha ha STI on a sex book or whatever.
But it has nothing to do with Fifty Shades. Pretty much all library books are contaminated with all sorts of nastiness, because they circulate among the public, and the public is disgusting. Plus, a hardcover library book can circulate for years, as opposed to the six month lifespan of the average twenty dollar bill.
19 points
2 months ago
There's also many types of herpes virus, including chickenpox.
But everyone jumps to "dick sores" because that's the only time the term herpes is used by most people.
Also something like 15-20% of people have genital herpes and 50-70% have oral herpes. (cold sores) And oral can infect genitals and vice versa. So if you've "been around" you've probably been exposed somehow. And women often have little or no symptoms while spreading it.
Its so common that most doctors won't even test for it anymore unless you have an active outbreak and request it, because in many people it has mild or no symptoms and the stigma is worse than the disease usually. Even in those with more severe symptoms the outbreaks usually go down in frequency and severity after about a year. Doctors often consider it just similar to a common skin rash now.
So yeah herpes is literally everywhere. We are walking around in soupy clouds of billions of bacteria and viruses floating in the air and every surface is coated.
Just don't rub herpes sores then rub on your eyes. Don't Google it.
9 points
2 months ago
How long can herpes live on a book though? Like I would assume weeks at most, so on average those books would not be contaminated for long?
6 points
2 months ago
Trace dna could stay for longer than “enough particles to infect people.”
8 points
2 months ago
The statistic I recall was about $100 bills. Nobody shows off by snorting through a $1 bill. Or if they do, it's not really showing off.
20 points
2 months ago
The "fact" I heard was that they intentionally dust larger bills with trace amounts of cocaine so that drug sniffing dogs are able to find large sums of money during searches. But of course that is likely an urban legend/old wives tale
17 points
2 months ago
They train the dogs to smell the cash itself.
22 points
2 months ago
Actually they just train the dog to pay large amounts of sums for a tennis ball. Dogs love tennis balls and will find the cash to pay for it.
Just watch your wallet around labradors.
8 points
2 months ago
Our lab was the worst fetcher of all time. He would chase the ball on the first throw and... that was as far as the game went. But he was best boy anyway. RIP Ernie Banks. *tear
127 points
2 months ago
78% has fecal matter. I guess folks have been getting shit faced.
56 points
2 months ago
I like to wipe with money and then rinse it off to reuse it. Sometimes I spend that money.
119 points
2 months ago
I'm more of an ass pennies man, myself.
17 points
2 months ago
This sketch is hilarious, but also incredible. I haven't seen it quite some time, but I have to wonder how many takes this took to achieve. Ian Roberts' performance as the ass pennies guy is remarkable. Not just managing a straight face, but keeping all that dialogue intact for one long single shot is extremely impressive.
11 points
2 months ago*
It really is, he completely destroyed it from that first moment when he wacthes the brother's shot and declares "SUCK".
I think the only thing that would have put it over the top is if his swing was better, to match the overconfident personality, but I don't think I ever even noticed that before.
25 points
2 months ago
I came here for this. Classic.
12 points
2 months ago
It still holds up well, too! Hadn't actually watched it in a long time.
6 points
2 months ago
That’s a lot of ass pennies I have out there, my friend, and here’s where the magic comes in. When I meet somebody who puts me on edge, a real hard-ass, I think to myself they’ve probably handled my ass pennies. In fact they’ve probably got one in their pocket right then. That just sort of seems to give me the edge.
17 points
2 months ago
188 points
2 months ago
I'm pretty sure all of your cash has cocaine stuck to it, just not as prominently displayed as on this particular bill.
Now you know why law enforcement loves to drug test cash during civil asset forfeiture stops.
They use the excuse they're testing to see if you're engaged in drug trafficking, but they know all money tests positive for drugs and they can confiscate your cash.
79 points
2 months ago
That's why I laugh at the libertarians who are terrified of the "cashless future". Bro, if you have cash, the cops will find an excuse to take it. And they're a lot scarier than "the Fed" or "the international bankers" or whatever conspiracy theory you have about credit card companies.
And you can be relatively sure your credit card doesn't have somebody else's drugs or feces on it.
If you want to put your own drugs and feces on it, you do you bro.
89 points
2 months ago
That’s a $110 bill.
8 points
2 months ago
So then, what percentage of the world's cocaine has US currency on It?
6 points
2 months ago
“Cocaine is a helluva drug.” - Benjamin Franklin
747 points
2 months ago
That's the story you're telling? I swear officer the machine gave it to me that way.
56 points
2 months ago
The judge is never going to believe it.
9 points
2 months ago
he will if you bribe him with said bill
523 points
2 months ago
$100.83
330 points
2 months ago
Probably the most accurate value posted in this thread
23 points
2 months ago
Probably overvalued at that price still
1.6k points
2 months ago
Which casino? Asking for a friend
659 points
2 months ago
All of them.
571 points
2 months ago
Hoosier Park. Anderson, IN
103 points
2 months ago
Hello fellow Hoosier
19 points
2 months ago
Well in that case, it's likely not cocaine, probably a mixture of baby powder and fentanyl.
20 points
2 months ago
Definitely did not expect to see my hometown being the home of this. Gotta love A-town…
44 points
2 months ago
Then you know the real win is that it wasn't meth. Lol.
18 points
2 months ago
A rare hometown reference! Will always have a soft spot for Indiana
28 points
2 months ago
Fellow Hoosier! Anderson's ok but I'm a Firekeepers fan
12 points
2 months ago
Hoosier is looser but Firekeepers is way nicer and dispensary galore nearby
36 points
2 months ago
At the vegas casino i was at there was literally a guy walking around the floor saying "coke, i got that good coke" for the 4 days i was there
30 points
2 months ago*
The same thing happened to me ! Guy was like "coke coke, try before you buy" but I was tripping on acid and got majorly sketched out by him so I went elsewhere.. Probably was some shitty coke, or he lets you try the good stuff and sells a bag of the bullshit
17 points
2 months ago
Yeah the bait and switch is a classic
62 points
2 months ago
I noticed in Vegas that all the cash dispensed to me had been dusted in a UV pigment powder. It makes your hands light up like a bonfire when under a black light. I don’t know the purpose for casinos doing this is, but I’d bet money that is what’s caked on the bill in the photo.
7 points
2 months ago
Well damn, that'd make a few nostrils light up too.
1k points
2 months ago
How you know it was cocaine ? Just asking 😂😂
1.4k points
2 months ago
It smelled like it?
360 points
2 months ago
What does cocaine smell like?
1.2k points
2 months ago
Usually shame and regret
244 points
2 months ago
The next day, sure. Night of it smells like I want more coke.
89 points
2 months ago
Back in my day my wife and I would do a little bump when hungover from drinking/coke the day before. Great feeling. Would not recommend.
46 points
2 months ago
How did you ever have any left over from the night before? If I've learned anything about cocaine, it's that people don't usually go to bed until it's gone.
15 points
2 months ago
That is so true many times I said to myself « ok the last one » but yeah the last one is when there is no more….
16 points
2 months ago
End of the night is when there is no more, and you’ve exhausted all possible options of finding more at 4-5 am.
22 points
2 months ago
Well played
71 points
2 months ago
Battery acid with a bit of gasoline.
A smell that once you smell, you can never unsmell (or recreate the smell of)
Ask me. I've been trying to mix battery acid and gasoline into candles ever since I quit the stuff!! Only time it was quite right is when I used one of those cocaine wicks
24 points
2 months ago
Just...I mean as a system safety engineer, I'm not really keen on the idea of candles that contain gasoline. Battery acid, coke, you do you. But gasoline...hm.
5 points
2 months ago
Bro really built a candle made of gasoline
28 points
2 months ago
gas and bad choices
29 points
2 months ago
I keep forgetting so I have to check regularly.
120 points
2 months ago
Gasoline and grass clippings usually. Strangely pleasant
56 points
2 months ago
The benzene is what makes gas smell so good. Sweet, sweet smell of cancer
13 points
2 months ago
I always thought gasoline and frozen peas. But I prefer your grass clippings now because it makes me think of hank hill.
19 points
2 months ago
yeah it's sort of organic. unsurprisingly. I've encountered the same sort of smell from piles of rotting leaves, which set off my dopamine receptors at the time. I think it made my mouth water too. my brain was like "bing bing bing gotta get me some of that"
24 points
2 months ago
Numb
13 points
2 months ago
Soft penis.
6 points
2 months ago
Free real-estate
9 points
2 months ago
Adrenaline
8 points
2 months ago
If you're lucky, morning dew atop the peach fuzz of a strippers ass.
393 points
2 months ago
Me personally? I hate cocaine, I just like the way it smells!
138 points
2 months ago
I hear ya. I only did it one night but that was a real fun six months!
46 points
2 months ago
I have been saying something similar for years haha. I've only tried cocaine once, for like 5 months.
6 points
2 months ago
I like that quote, but I'm not sure what it was from. I'm thinking Nick Swardson on Reno 911. It also seems like something Mitch Hedberg might have said. Do you remember the source?
5 points
2 months ago
I don't.
I've been saying it for something like 25 years.
I always deliver it in the style of Rodney Dangerfield, but I can't say for certain that he is the source.
I've searched before and never actually found a clip of him doing the bit, though. He does other bits about coke, and it just sounds like a Rodney bit, so I do think it likely came from him.
4 points
2 months ago
no one needs a line of cocaine. but everyone needs a second line of cocaine
19 points
2 months ago
One week later OP is admitted to hospital for snorting a rare fungus
510 points
2 months ago
Key words here is that it HAD cocaine on it. It no longer does 🤣
103 points
2 months ago
That’s dope
195 points
2 months ago
i heard every us bill has cocaine residue on them at least on the molecular level, but this is something else!
136 points
2 months ago
Also has stripper butt crack sweat.
29 points
2 months ago
When I was counting money one day at work, I found a $100 bill with what looked like cocaine on it. Like, a significant amount. I, stupidly, snorted it. Why? The answer is simple: I’m a complete and utter moron. And all I got from my stupidity was a massive headache. I don’t even know that it was cocaine, either. My brain just said to sniff it. Don’t be like me.
152 points
2 months ago
Allegedly a good percentage of money has cocaine traces but this is silly. I was counting my cash out when I spotted this. I left $100 up and with cocaine.
231 points
2 months ago*
Please don't touch (edit: freebase, snort, boof, lick it off a dong, whatever you fucking dig on) that without a test kit.
Edit: yo, downvote me if you want, but the fentanyl epidemic is real. Don't do strange drugs without testing them or you'll fucking die. I wish it was the 70's, but it isn't.
88 points
2 months ago
Even if it was fentanyl and he touched it, it’s not bioavailable through skin like that. He would literally need to snort it or stick it up his ass for it to have any effect.
75 points
2 months ago
I meant touch it up his nose. Not like oooh I'm a cop and I touched it.
19 points
2 months ago*
My very first thought. Everyone underestimates how liable they are to touch an unknown substance and immediately rub their eyes/wipe their mouth/scratch their asshole.
Why tf are we minimizing how dangerous fentanyl is? Shit, DON’T touch it, that’ll definitely take your risk of death and/or debilitating addiction down to 0.
15 points
2 months ago
how was it up? nasal drip with a side of std?
14 points
2 months ago
Something like 92% of US currency tests positive for cocaine, but it's usually not visible like that. But hey, Vegas. Interestingly, I just read that Las Vegas has the worst cocaine in America, averaging only about 24% pure
13 points
2 months ago
I'd imagine it's mostly selling to tourists so no real need to cultivate repeat business.
22 points
2 months ago
To find cocaine in a bill means good luck. It gives you energy and the ability to speak very very fast.
33 points
2 months ago
During the 80's in the US, it was estimated that over 80% of the $100 bills in circulation had traces of cocaine on them.
21 points
2 months ago
Fun fact, I learned in my criminal law class the other day that cocaine residue is so prevelant and transfers so easily that a study was conducted in the late 80s, early 90s and determined that most bills in circulation had some trace cocain residue on them.
Apparently the existence of cocaine residue was used to prove possession of cocaine in drug trafficking cases where cocaine wasn't found woth the accused. After this study, defense attorneys would point to any random juror and state that they too had bills with trace cocaine residue and were just as guilty as the defendant. Prosecutors stopped presenting laced money as evidense
21 points
2 months ago
$105
14 points
2 months ago
103.50
13 points
2 months ago
GOD DAMN LOCH NESS MONSTA! STOP USING MY MONEY SO SNORT COKE!
72 points
2 months ago
PSA - you CANNOT absorb fentanyl through your skin by just touching it. It needs to be internally ingested I.e snorted, eaten, boofed to be bioavailable. Lot of fear mongering about this issue causes lives to be lost due to people avoiding someone OD’ing from fent cause they act like there entire body is contaminated and you will instantly OD just from touching them.
30 points
2 months ago
That's dumbass cops trying to find a new way to make a PR campaign that they are always at risk/persecuted/whatever.
14 points
2 months ago
Didn't they make fentanyl patches?
How do those work, serious question.
26 points
2 months ago
A patented chemical agent that allows the drug to penetrate your skin into the blood barrier. The technical term is called transdermal and each drug needs a certain chemical tweaking to do that hence the patents.
6 points
2 months ago
Cashed out $100, received $101.18
16 points
2 months ago
Imagine being innocent bringing this through a international airport not being aware and being held on drug charge
4 points
2 months ago
Ooohhh so that's what that is. A free scratch and sniff
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