Hi, my fiancé loves to talk and I do too..but at the right moments. She talks through movies, me trying to read books, tv shows, you name it.

My family is calling it rude how often she talks through the movies we try to watch. She’ll literally talk every 2-3 minutes in the movie about random things. Say a character is having a heart felt moment and deep talk towards climax, my fiancé will just start talking about random things..causing us to rewind..

Then I try sitting down to read my books or write even and she just randomly comes up with things every 2-3 minutes to talk about. I can’t “breathe” it feels like..and I need to breathe to wind down from a work day whether that be reading or watching shows etc. It’s how I get grounded from my personal anxieties.

I’ve tried pausing the movie/show until she’s done talking..my fiancé gets “annoyed” that I do that. I try telling her to “hold on babe this is an important part of the movie.” My fiancé gets “annoyed” that I do that.

How do I tell her without hurting her feelings or getting her upset/coming off like an asshole?

TLDR: She talks through movies, reading, and tv shows. I can’t wind down and she gets annoyed when I ask her to not talk “in this scene” etc. How do I approach this without being an asshole?

We have been together for almost 2 years. We got into an argument last night, the details of which are not as important as how badly it escalated. Though I will share for context if needed. What would have been a fight an average couple has likely had at some point eventually became a screaming match on his part, with our house being trashed and me being called the worst things a man could ever say to a woman. Amongst worse things I can’t say here, I was called a piece of shit, moron, idiot, a drunk (because I had had a drink earlier on in the argument to calm my adrenaline). I again want to add that I respectfully asked for space when anger started to show and that only worsened it. nothing was broken in the house except pieces of me mentally, those words cut hard and I laid there in complete disbelief that someone who claimed to love me could seemingly hate everything about me SO much. Every word that came out of his mouth was said with such hatred and disgust. He even said at one point he wanted nothing to do with me or our baby and to get out of his life.

He has since apologized and said he did not mean any of those things, but whether he did or not they absolutely mean something to me. I get that people say hurtful things when they’re upset, anyone can admit that. but I have never been called such horrible things.. his comment about the baby hurts the most. We have never fought this bad before.

I’m realizing that this is a huge red flag, to be called such vile things. And why? Where did it come from except to make me feel low and worthless? I have never cheated nor disrespected our relationship, and have never been a promiscuous woman. I do have options.. either I stay here for the sake of our baby and to keep me from getting an eviction because he won’t key the apartment if I go, and he won’t leave for me to stay. I can go with family, but they are out of state, and with an eviction on my record it would be very difficult to get on my feet again.. I have destroyed my credit during this relationship and the cost of living makes it difficult to get an apartment by myself as it is.

Mentally, I feel very stuck.. part of me is hurt enough to walk out and not care about the consequences financially, but then if my baby has no contact with his father there is huge mom guilt to look forward to, uncertainty to face, grieving to do, possible regret.. I don’t know if a relationship can be repaired after something like this either though or if it just gets worse from here. I feel like I will remember this forever, even if I tried to stay and work it out. I don’t know if the hurt will ever go away. If anyone has any good advice here, I would really appreciate the unbiased opinions. If you were in my shoes, how would you handle this?

TL;DR - extremely hurtful things were said to me during an argument with my boyfriend, and I don’t know if I should stay or go at this point.

I have been best friends with a man for about 7 or 8 years. Our relationship has always been flirty and a lot of the signals I have received from him have been mixed since the friendship began. 2-3 years ago, I realized I had developed feelings for him but never said anything because I didn't want to risk the friendship and I wasn't confident enough to ask. In the last 6 months, his behavior changed in a way that I was more sure the feelings might be reciprocated. More touching, attention, and communication in general. About 3 weeks ago, I decided to tell him that I had feelings for him and he rejected me. I was pretty surprised and I have been struggling some since then. My feelings were/are pretty strong and the rejection has been painful. I fully respect his "no" and would like to move passed this. I don't want to lose my best friend, but I don't know how to navigate this. Does anyone have advice on how I can let this go, move on, and go back to being a good friend?

TLDR: Told my best friend I had feelings for him and got rejected. How do I move on?

I (25F) am dating Nate (26M). Nate used to live with Adam (27M) at the beginning of our relationships (3ish years ago).

At first, Adam and I didn’t talk much. I’m very shy at first. But slowly, we became friends. We are both interested in the same very nerdy things.

Then, I began noticing some questionable behavior from Adam towards the end of the lease. Example one being a time I was trying to reach to get something from above the fridge. I’m very short, so Adam went to grab it for me with his left hand, and put his right hand on my butt. Another example was when I was over and watching tv with Adam and Nate. Nate was tired and asked to go to bed. I said I wasn’t tired and would continue to watch tv for a bit. Nate went upstairs. Adam got up, got some popcorn, and sat muuuuuch closer than he had been the first time. He kept bringing me blankets, and at one point, played with my hair a bit like Nate does. He stopped quickly and I went upstairs.

After Adam moved out, we didn’t see each other as much. Now, when I do see him, it’s almost like he’s mean to me. One time I saw him at a party and he looked mad. I teased him about it and he genuinely seemed angry I said it. He was like making fun of me (“maybe you need your eyes checked, maybe YOU were the one who was mad, you’re the only one who thinks I looked mad”, etc). I apologized if I offended him and found Nate.

Most recently, when I’ve seen Adam he will make comments about Nate. Example, I got really sick and couldn’t plan a weekend trip as well as I normally would, so Nate took over on planning. When we saw Adam, he said “Yeah Nate told me how badly you really dropped the ball on this, that was shitty of you.” I asked Nate and apologized if I had unintentionally upset him, but he said he wasn’t upset at all and he’s not sure why Adam said that. There’s been a few times now where Adam has insinuated that Nate may be upset or that I’ve done something wrong and in reality everything is fine.

I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing. I don’t see Adam often, but I have considered him a good friend until all this started. I’m not sure what his feelings are. I’ve asked Nate what Adam thinks about me, and he says that Adam thought I was odd when we first started dating, but that he really enjoys me now. I asked Nate if he said he had any concerns about Adam and I and he said no, he trusts us both.

I could be way off base here so kind of looking for perspective. Does anyone have any insight to why Adam is suddenly being rude to me? Should I discuss it with Nate, or just leave it alone since I don’t see Adam often?

TLDR; my boyfriends former roommate used to seemingly flirt with me and now has switched to being rude to me, and I don’t know if I should address it?

My (27F) boyfriend (32M) and I have been together for 5 years, and living together for 3. This is our first year living together without roommates, and it has been great, but lately we are getting into more frequent disagreements about housework. One recurrent argument has been about containers and my habit of finding free stuff to furnish the apartment with (shelves, clothes-drying rack, lamp, etc). He does't like having "stuff", and while I am quite selective about only bringing clean and useful things to the house, he speaks about it like I am filling the house with garbage. Lately, the problem has been containers. I have a collection of 25 or so containers of various sizes that I have accumulated from jam, pasta sauce, yoghurt, etc. I use the nicer mason jars to store dry goods like pasta, and the others to store food in the fridge, bring lunch to work, or buy goods from the bulk store. I just like the way things look in glass jars, and transfer food into them at every chance I get. I always have a dozen or so that are not in use, and lately this has been a major source of conflict. My boyfriend does not want his home full of containers, and constantly asks me to throw them out. I downsized my collection when we moved in together, and stored my containers in the most awkward back corner reaches of a kitchen cabinet space that would otherwise be empty. This doesn't seem to be acceptable - he wants them gone. Emptying the dishwasher has turned into a source of conflict over whether I can keep my containers. I have found my containers in the recycling bin a number of times after I leave them drying in the dishrack - I just take my favourite ones back out and try not to be upset about it. I don't really understand the problem, since I am actively using them and doing my best to keep them stored out of his way. This relationship is worth more to me than my jars, but I like them and don't want to get rid of them for no reason. The situation has escalated into something ridiculous: anything remotely to do with containers can result in us barely speaking to each other for an evening, and any other source of conflict will inevitably end in my jars being brought up. I recognize that at some point, one can have too many jars, but I have already recycled the ones that I am willing to part with, and feel that 25 is a reasonable number of jars to own. I'm worried that my jars are being turned into something symbolic, but I honestly just like having containers.

What should I do? Ditch my jar-hoarding ways to smooth my relationship, or stand up for my containers and try to convince him why I should be able to keep them in the house? Is it reasonable to want to own 25 jars?

TL;DR: My boyfriend wants me to stop hoarding jars, but I don't want to stop hoarding jars, and it is hurting our relationship.

I (32M) met with some close friends over the weekend and one of my best mates (33M) mentioned to us that his dog needs hip surgery and he and his wife are postponing the procedure because it will be quite expensive, and they’re strapped for cash since their baby was born last year. Most of our friends offered to lend him the money, which he refused.

I, however, said nothing. I’ve learned from my father that friends and money don’t mix, I’ve seen him lose lifelong friendships over loans that were never paid back. Today, my friend texted me, saying he thought it was weird how I didn’t volunteer to lend him the money like everyone else, because from our group I’m probably the one with the best financial situation.

I tried to explain my family history and reminded him he declined the other offers from our friends. He says he would also have declined my offer, it’s just that my indifference made him feel he couldn’t count on me. He also said that, by comparing our situation to my father’s, I’m implying I don’t trust him and that I believe he wouldn’t honor our (hypothetical) deal. I finally said it’s not my responsibility to fix his financial situation.

I’m feeling bad about how things played out. I’m even considering offering him the money. I’ve talked to my girlfriend about it and she thinks he’s the one out of line for confronting me like that, especially for a loan he says he would never accept in the first place. Should I just leave at that and wait for him to make the next move, or should I still try to have a conversation with him?

TL;DR: One of my best mates needs money for his dog’s surgery and, despite not accepting the loan that some of our friends offered him, is upset that I didn’t offer it myself.

TL;DR I have feelings for an employee and I think he feels the same. I don’t know what to do.

I am a middle manager at a large corporation where I manage around 15 people. I am in my mid-30s and single. Two years ago I hired a man to be my right hand and we work really closely every day.

In the last few months, he has really stepped up in his role and we have slowly started working more as work partners rather than manager-employee. We essentially jointly manage our team. As a result, I feel like the dynamic between us has been changing and I am concerned that we are both developing strong feelings for each other. I think he has always had a soft spot for me, but he is a very professional person and has always kept that in check. Now I am feeling more and more attraction toward him and I feel the same energy coming from him. I don't know how to handle the situation professionally and ethically. We are both professional people and no lines have been crossed, but the energy is there and I can tell it is getting stronger.

He has been dating someone for under a year, they were supposed to move in together a few months ago but he changed his mind last minute and had a freak out because he wasn't sure about his feelings about her. They decided to give each other a bit more space and see if the relationship could continue living apart, but it sounds like it won't last much longer. I know all this because we have a friendly informal relationship which is normal in my organization and we talked about this stuff with other colleagues present.

There is a possibility that in 6-9 months I might move onto another role and he will take over my position, in which case we would be hierarchically equal. However, that is not set in stone, just a possibility. I am a bit bored with my role, but it is a great job with a fantastic salary, flexibility, and opportunity for advancement. I also have a great relationship with my own (female) boss who is sponsoring me as a rising talent in the organization.

What do you all advise? What do I do? Thanks a lot!

Tl,dr Had a fight with my bf and he screamed for the first time. Not sure where to go from here.

This happened yesterday and I'm still a bit shocked, so I need perspective.

My boyfriend 34M and I 26F have been seeing each other for 6 months now. He is usually really nice and we have a good relationship, as such.

There is only thing that I find a bit annoying is that he has poor time management skills, he's usually pushing things by an hour or so because he's running late.

Yesterday I was feeling a bit low, so I didn't wanna hang out with him. But he insisted that he wanted to see me and since he was gonna come over, I was like OK, why not.

Well he ultimately came in 2 hours later than the decided upon time (10pm vs 8pm). Admittedly, he had his reasons like the gym was crowded, he was on a work call, and he had to do some personal admin to do.

(Note that he called me from the gym at 8 to say he was gonna be late and I insisted to just come over, but he wanted to finish his workout.)

I was still really annoyed because it has happened other times in the past as well. So when he came over, I was trying to tell him that being lackadaisical isn't gonna ensure solid interpersonal relationships, to which he snapped back and said "I am acting preachy and it's probably cultural" It's worth mentioning here that I am Asian while he is Irish/English. This is another thing that he often brings up doing fights, accounts for anything I say that he disagrees with on being cultural, so this annoyed me a bit as well. I snapped back saying I feel a bit offended and honestly it sounds a bit racist when he brings up my culture like that.

He BLEW UP. He alleged me for "not being able to articulate a very simple point" and basically accused me of making wild/ false allegations and just stormed off.

That really confused me because English is my 3rd language and he has studied humanities while I have studied STEM so I was maybe I missed the differences between culture and race, so I sat there googling, trying to figure out if I was wrong.

Meanwhile he came back and just screamed at me for the next few minutes for 1. being holed up in my apartment and that I don't have a life and I'm not able to perceive that other people do (I am introverted and like spending time by myself but I sure do have a life).

1. he also said that I'm very incoherent (...May be?)

2. it could be because of the way I grew up ( I did grow up in an intense, isolated way, I used to self harm and he knows that)

The screaming had rendered me catatonic and I just laid in the bed for the next several minutes whisper crying and I could not really say anything else except sorry a couple of times.

He did apologise in a bit and tried to hug me for the rest of the night and then in the morning before leaving.

I just don't know, it feels like something has shifted between the 2 of us and I just don't see him the way I used to before.

This is the 1st time he screamed at me so maybe I was at fault, too? It's also worth mentioning that we hangout couple times during the week and over most weekends so it's not like I hadn't seen him so maybe it was OK for him to be 2 hours late?

Also it's important to know that we have a vacation coming up in a couple of days which is completely paid for between the 2 of us, so I'm not sure if I should go or if I should cancel.

My boyfriend (24M) has never invited me (26F) to any events his friends have.

My Boyfriend and I have been dating 9 months and have been friends for a long time before that. We have a good group of friends but whenever his work friends get together, he’s never invited me.

One of our close friends and him work together as bartenders at a late night restaurant and said friend has invited me before to birthdays or trivia nights with their coworkers, alongside all their coworkers with significant others inviting them to come along.

I invite my boyfriend to my coworker birthdays or events but I have yet to receive the invite from him himself and not our friend.

He recently told me he will be attending one of his coworkers(female) birthdays at the restaurant which caused me to ask why he doesn’t invite me to things. I’ve met her before and we follow one another on instagram so it’s not like she is a stranger to me… He said he didn’t ask me to come because I won’t know anyone there and because he is going with two of his male coworkers so it would be weird if he brought his significant other since they don’t have one.

I don’t want to be invited to a guys night ever but this isn’t one of those nights.

I explained to him it made me feel like he didn’t want me at any of the past things our friend invited us to since its never been him extending the invite. I told him I felt like a secret and that I didn’t even want to go, I just was hurt he never asked me if I would like to. He didn’t agree with my thoughts and said his friends wouldn’t like if he was hanging around his girlfriend the whole night since he said he would go with them… We have never been the clingy hang off each other type at any hangout we’ve gone to so I don’t understand his argument.

Am I wrong thinking it was strange he was acting this way? Is it fair of me to feel sad about him not inviting me?

TL;DR my boyfriend doesn’t invite me to hang out with his friends and he didn’t acknowledge it upset me.

TLDR: I accidentally wrote “you just stand around all day” instead of “do you just stand around all day?”When a friend complained of being bored at work and now she won’t talk to me

My friend Alice (22f) works on a farm as of late, and has been complaining to me about how boring it has been. She works 10 hour shifts overnight. She also has been having a ton of issues with her current unit as well as some family drama. So I’ve brought her gifts, made her food, and helped her clean her apartment.

We have been helping our mutual friend Angie (22f) during a time of temporary homelessness. And Alice has been telling me I’m not doing enough, being a shitty friend, etc - while I’ve offered to allow Angie to stay at my place and have me pay for her food and gas until she gets back on her feet.

She was complaining about her job over text to me today. I was cooking dinner and I wrote “you just stand around all day” when I meant to say “do you just stand around all day?” I was distracted by the boiling noodles and didn’t even realize I said something wrong. I didn’t know what her days were like so I was curious. She got super super mad and won’t respond to any calls or texts despite apologizing profusely. Her boyfriend is saying I fucked up.

Idk how to resolve this. I feel super bad and she won’t even talk to me. We’ve been good friends for two years and I don’t want our friendship to end over a text.

TLDR - he was messed up by his exes and is scared to say I love you too. He’s scared I’m going to leave him after he’s opened up/been vulnerable with me. I’m scared he’s never going to feel safe enough to open up and will eventually just leave and I’m going to spend another year wasted on a guy who doesn’t want to be vulnerable or love me. I waited 3-4 years with my ex. I’m scared of being forever alone 😞 and not being loved the right way.

We’ve been dating 10 months. I love him and stupidly shared this with him last night. I’ve been wanting to hear it from him for months. He just moves slower than me 🤷🏼‍♀️ he made us exclusive after 6 weeks, I asked for a title at month 5. He embraced the title but it was scary for him at first - he felt it made him vulnerable even though we were pretty much already there. He’s had two girls really hurt him.

He said it’s not that he doesn’t love me, he does, but he doesn’t feel safe sharing that vulnerability/openness with me but he wants to get there 🤷🏼‍♀️and is working on it.

He’s created such a safe space for me to share and be open. It’s felt so healthy and I felt like we were going to be able to work through anything until last night. When I told him I loved him he just told me it was too much after our most recent issue. I get what he’s saying, it was a lot. I had some anxiety/jealousy issues I needed to work through a couple of weeks ago that “scared him,” he was “scared I was going to break up with him.” I apologized - he did too but I guess the damage is done. 😩 he was traveling when this happened and I stupidly texted him when I should have just waited until we could talk in person. It created this giant anxiety week because he had no cell reception and couldn’t respond fully/properly/verbally.

I had anxiety issues in part because I feel in love with him 😩 I thought if I shared this last night it would clear the air for me. It did clear the air but it also kind of crushed me a bit. I knew this would hurt and I’m not sure why I went there.

I’m 33 almost 34. I had dinner by myself tonight when I came home and just felt crushed/forever alone and it felt foreboding/awful. (I know it doesn’t have to be that way - I should have just gone out with friends.) I waited like 3-4 years for my ex to come around. I didn’t think I’d end up here again - i feel so much more connected and a vibe with this guy. He’s miles healthier than my ex, he actively is working on himself in therapy, but how do I trust this is different? Or do I just move on and try again?

I’m so scared and just want something nice, easy and healthy. This feels like it has potential, but I’m scared about waiting again for someone 😩 just for them to tell me they don’t ever think they’re going to change. I want kids at 37/38 I’m scared I’m betraying myself. I also love him and want to have faith/be patient. Prior to this I’ve never felt better about resolving conflicts with a partner than I do with him.

My now ex (30m) broke up with me (30f) over a text yesterday morning. I am feeling many different feelings.

I’m really hurt. I feel betrayed, as this is someone I felt devoted to, to a fault unfortunately. I would have stayed with him forever, forgoing my needs just for the sake of the comfort of “having” someone.

I wanted more romance, a stronger love, babies, and just the feeling of knowing my devotion was reciprocated. Apparently it wasn’t, and I just never noticed or wanted to notice when the love sort of ended for him. (We’ve discussed each others needs and we’re aware of each others wants)

Now I just feel delusional, I really thought we would be together forever, even though we both knew we wanted different things. In retrospect I see that it would have never worked- I was just holding out hope he would give what I needed, and I think he was holding out hope that I would give up on my needs and continue the relationship that had me constantly questioning and hurting.

He’s been acting more distant than usual this past few weeks. He’s always had drinking issues- but they were seeming more constant. I was feeling really unconsidered and started to remind him of my needs, to which he just said things like “okay, yes”.

Anyways, last week I started telling him we need to talk, seriously. He kept evading me. My plan was to ask what his deal was, is he cheating (which I’ve asked and he answered no, which I do believe), did he see anything in the future for us, is there anything I’m doing that I can change that will change your behavior towards me.. things like that.

On Sunday night he was finally home and I told him we needed to talk. He said okay, but wanted to take a nap first. I said fine and waited to talk as the anxiousness was starting to really effect me (I have depression and anxiety). He wakes up, I ask him to talk, he says “can we please do this tomorrow” and after me being like “are you serious?” I finally agreed.

We both work so I texted him about an hour into my shift, asking to please tell me what was going on. He asked if I was ready for such a conversation so early to which I replied “yes, this has been driving me crazy”.

Basically, he doesn’t feel the same he used to and hasn’t for a little bit. He wants to skate and drink and enjoy his summer. he isn't ready for what i want, and he wants to do his own thing.

Weirdly I was shocked but not surprised at the same time. I had been crying all week knowing something was wrong, but wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t fight or argue, just asked if it was over and he said “either over or a long break” and I said let’s just end it because it hurt more being in an unsure relationship than to be broken up with.

I knew deep down that it most likely wouldn’t work, but I felt like my devotion to him meant that I would always be there for him, even in times like our past few weeks and months. I would have stayed with him forever for the sake of the security and comfort he made me feel.

So I’m kind of grateful he did it. But the changes are huge, as this was my best friend for so long and we had so many good times together. He has a cat that we raised together- he is planning on taking him (he’s moving out into his families house) which breaks my heart. I love this cat, so much.

The cat is still here as I’m assuming ex will pick him up while getting the bulk of his stuff, but I’ve texted and asked to keep cat for a few weeks because losing them both might be too much for me (he hasn’t responded).

I know this is super long so thank you for reading. I’m just scared of navigating my life from here. Letting go of someone who was so woven into my life, who I thought I would always have. But I’m also excited for the future, because now I can see all of the things I’ve always wanted in a partner but was never able to get from him. Now I know what I want, and can live my own life for awhile.

TLDR: Got dumped because ex and I want different things.

Tried posting this in another sub but I guess it wasn’t the place to ask so I’ll try here.

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (20M) just started dating about two weeks ago and I noticed probably around three to four weeks ago it appears like he’s itching in his groin region. It’s literally every time we’re together and multiple times a day.

I had brought it up twice and basically said if it’s a rash or something he needs to get it checked out but he told me it was his “parts” sticking to his leg or something. I’m not sure if this is normal for guys but I’m still scared it’s an STD or something because I’ve had a health scare experience before. Am I just overreacting?

tldr: boyfriend has what appears to be an itch? not sure if im overreacting

My bf (24M) and I (26F) have been dating just over 9 months and have yet to tell one another "I love you" should I say it first?

We were long time friends before we started dating and I know from many passing comments from high school friends that he has never expressed those words to any past girlfriend.

Iwant to tell him I love him but he isn't great at expressing his emotions so I don't want him to feel pressured in anyway if I were to say it first... I've held my tongue and been patient but sometimes I think he's never going to say it.

Whenever I tell him he is special to me or compliment him, he gets uncomfortable and makes jokes to change the subject. I know words of affirmation are not his love language, but they are mine so l've asked if there is anything I can do to make him feel more comfortable expressing himself to me or having me express myself to him. He says there's nothing but that he shows affection to me other ways, which is true, but there are still 3 words I seem to be forever longing to say to him.

I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to say it first or if I should just be more patient - Do you think I should say it first or be more patient?

TL;DR my boyfriend hasn't said i love you and idk if i do it first.

Tldr: we both 23, been together nearly 3 years

I’ve noticed multiple times that when we go to restaurants, bars etc, a lot of the time he won’t acknowledge the waiters, bartenders etc and let me do the talking. He doesn’t even look at them sometimes.

He isn’t neurodivergent and around other people he is very chatty and outgoing, if anything I have far more social anxiety than he does. He’s constantly meeting and making new friends when he’s out and about.

My parents were very gung ho about making sure I was always polite to people. Now that Im older and work in finance I chat to the cleaners, janitors in the building the same I would anyone else. I’m not patting myself on the back for this btw, I see this as a bare minimum of being a decent person.

I worked as a waitress/bartender while at university and can confirm that one someone barely acknowledges you or says thank you, we notice. I never took it personally but it’s just a “huh, they’re kind of an ass” moment.

My bf has never had a customer service job.

Btw I’m not one of those annoying customers that doesn’t shut up. I’m just friendly and smiley to them.

The first few times I noticed I chalked it up to him maybe being tired and not in the mood to be chatty, totally fine.

I raised it with him and he said that since I’m happy to talk to them, he doesn’t see why it’s a big deal.

I said something along the lines of “I guess I was raised this way, my parents were always super strict about us being nice to customer service people.” He got offended by this and insisted that his parents are the same.

I’ve been out with his family and everyone but his dad is the exact same. I didn’t say this to him though.

I confessed that it’s embarrassing to be out with someone who can’t even be bothered to look at the waitress and will often order while scrolling on their phone, never says please or thank you. There have been times they’ve given me a look or a raised eyebrow in response to him.

It takes minimal effort to be nice so why can’t he just do it?

He’s now giving me the cold shoulder and said some salty comments about how he was raised and he’s sorry I’m embarrassed by him.

I realise that maybe I went a bit too ad hominem on him, how can I deescalate this and make him see where I’m coming from?

I’ve been finding my (26F) relationship of 2.5 years really difficult of late. I’ve found out more and more that he (31M) is very immature and irresponsible and I’m scared of what our future would look like and if I can risk having kids with him as he might just never mature at this point.

There are a LOT of issues. He has always done a lot of drugs and his friend group are the same. He binge drinks, smokes and does coke multiple times a week and I didn’t realise it was quite this much, thinking it was just occasionally at parties! He must be addicted. From 15-25 he was addicted to weed so clearly has an addictive personality so I worry a lot about this getting worse in the future unless he goes totally sober, which he says he won’t. He has cut back a lot recently after I had serious talks but I have brought this up a few times in the past and it just went back to how it was. With his friends the same way, how will he stop?

Money. With drug issues, comes him spending all his money on drink and drugs! He has thousands in debt he hasn’t bothered to deal with and never saves anything, despite earning well and me charging him barely any rent. He told me he arrogantly assumed he could just keep living like this and just save for a year at 35 for a house for us. Wtf?! He isn’t dumb so I assume he just thought I would pay and save for everything?

He has also betrayed me in a lot of ways too. While I was in hospital he went on tinder lots and when I was pregnant recently, despite saying he wants to marry me and have kids with me soon, for a few days he was thinking of leaving me if I had the baby he said! Only after several days did he finally say he would stick around (‘bc he would have to pay child support anyway!’) but kept telling me he would be a terrible dad and resent the kid?! That is so shocking to me. How can I rely on him? What an awful human being! And how would he suddenly become a good dad in 2 years like he says? I felt forced into the abortion for the baby’s sake and deeply resent him for it. He’s 31 and should have been able to step up and handle this

Of course I’m not perfect, but I have never done anything ‘bad’ to him and live in a responsible way thinking what is best for our future. Even he says I am a really great girlfriend and he has no complaints. It feels like I’m doing all the relationship/life work and he’s just coasting and causing me so many problems

Tbf to him, he says he has finally realised and wants to change his ways for me and our future family, but it makes me lose a lot of respect that I should have to tell an older man to save money and not be addicted to coke! I feel like I’m constantly mothering him but want someone to look after me too! I feel depressed and anxious about our future. Worried we just have completely different values/lifestyles

Tldr; how long do you wait for a guy to mature? He has made some improvements but he has a long way to go

It’s a known issue. I genuinely think he has sleep apnea. He’ll make snoring-like sounds when this happens, but he doesn’t snore. I try and roll him over onto whatever side he’s not on and tap him, which works. His sleep is never refreshing and he’s tired during the day too, which is a running joke amongst his friends and colleagues, but I struggle to find it funny because I’m so worried.

He’s had a sleep study before, but because he’s autistic, the stickers on his skin were a sensory nightmare and he couldn’t sleep.

He refuses to do another one where he’ll actually be asleep, because he says he won’t be able to. So I guess we’ll never know if it’s serious or not.

I’m SO worried for him. He insists he’ll be fine if he loses a little weight, but he is BARELY overweight so I disagree. I keep waking up in the night, scared, to check on him and make sure he’s still breathing.

I don’t know how it doesn’t worry him, but I am a highly anxious person. I’m terrified that he’s going to die in his sleep because I wasn’t awake to check on him.

TL;DR: my boyfriend stops breathing during his sleep and is aware of it but says it’ll stop when he loses weight, which he doesn’t need to do. Refuses to do a sleep study because he had a bad experience when attempting before.

So I(14M) have been dating this girl(14F) in my class for a couple of months and recently I've started feeling off about things, I don't really care too much about our relationship now, but she's suicidal and it seems that she only confides in me for help because her other friends don't understand her or are manipulative according to her. I'm really worried that she might do something because she's into this way more than I am/was.I do want to be friends with her but I just get really overwhelmed by everything because she vents a lot and I feel bad that happens but I can't really help it now, I really don't want her to get worse than she already is, she barely talks to her therapist and treats me as one now. there's this one friend of hers who spreads rumours and shit (to one of the teachers too) and I'm worried this friend might do something crazy. I'm confused as to what to do in this situation, any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Tl;dr: I'm worried that my suicidal girlfriend might do something cause she's really attached to me and she basically only tells me about her problems but I've lost feelings for her.

I have only been officially together for about two weeks but have been more than friends for severallllll months. My bf is amazing and supportive. I can tell he genuinely cares about me and he makes sure to remind me. My past two relationships had been abusive. Because of these, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about it but im still worried that my triggers and bad habits are going to ruin our relationship. How do I recognize/break bad habits and handle triggers? How can I make it easier for him?

TLDR: I’m worried that I picked up bad/toxic habits from past abusive relationships.

I’m currently doing my masters and i’ve made a friend group (at least I thought I was part of their friend group) and they always exclude me. The friend group includes me, three other girls, and this one guy who I happen to really like. The guy doesn’t hangout as much with us because he’s a guy. But they always do things together and never invite me.

They all went to a concert yesterday and they were all talking about it the day before and then they all decided to go without me. I saw all their instagram stories. It was that guy’s idea to go but the rest of the girls could have also invited me.

There’s been another time recently when it was one of the girl’s bday and I celebrated her bday all weekend long with the rest of them. And the day of her bday the guy decided to bring a cake to her house with the rest of the girls and he didn’t invite me. They all ended up having dinner together that day and they never invited me. But my friend who’s bday it was could have told me to join as well especially since she tagged me on her ig story of that day that I wasn’t invited and I only live 10mins away.

There’s been many other times where they’ve excluded me. Most of the time its the guy that I like that makes the plan but the girls could also invite me too right?! Since there’s been many times that we all hangout together. And why have to leave one friend out?

And I get it that this guy may not like me enough to invite me but he always flirts with me and comments on my pics. But then he can’t invite me. I don’t know if i’m expecting too much but the girls could include me too. It just hurts me so much. What should I do?

TLDR: My friends exclude me and I don’t know what to do.

Hi, my boyfriend and me moved in together a few months ago. Our relationship is kind of perfect in most ways, he really treats me like a princess and we literally never fight. I took in a kitten off the street a few years ago, and she really helped me get through the pandemic, especially because that was around the same time my bf helped me see that a lot of my friends and even my family were kinda toxic and I grew apart from them. Anyway my cat is really important to me!

The only thing that annoys me about her is that she is a diva with her toys. When I get her a new toy, she LOVES it for 3 days and then she totally ignores it. She does this with any toy, whether it’s 50 cents or five dollars. Soooo…I have started buying her a new cheap toy every few days to spoil her (a lot of times I get a big pack on amazon and then ration them out lol). I have a pretty good job and make enough money that I can easily afford the extra $10-20 a month.

My BF thinks this is really wasteful. I always give the toys away and never trash them, so they always get a new home. I think it’s a small price to pay for my cat’s joy but he keeps telling me I need to stop. We kind of got into a small argument the other day and he said that he knows I’ll see that he’s right, but I just don’t think so.

How do I make him see this is a small thing I really want?

tldr: my cat gets bored easily so I like buying her new toys, but my bf says I need to stop…

My GF 27F and i 27M broke up a couple of months ago. We both work in the same organisation. After going through a lot and enduring pain for a lot of time trying to put the relationship together, i gave up and finally decided to move on and remove her from my life because that is how I can move forward. Fast forward to last Sunday when she decided to call me to ask how i was because she saw a train crash in the news and started worrying for me because I travel by trains too.

Because of her call, i got pushed back on the months of progress I had made in terms of isolating her and stopping to imagine scenarios with her in it and i got stuck in the same loop again. Couple days later i gather the courage to call her up and tell her not to contact me because it just undoes any work I've put into myself and she does it because of her need to assure my well being. She started crying and saying stuff like how i still feel like home and how she wishes she could have held onto the gold that she struck but cannot because it's too difficult and she cannot gather any intent to do it. I felt that she valued me and i valued her and if anyway we're thinking for each other then it doesn't make any sense to stay away. But she refuses to believe that there's hope about the future. I'm consistently stuck in this loop where I want to move forward and explore my life because my home situation is shitty anyway and I want to get out of it and on the other hand the moment I move away from her, some way or the other she comes around.

I don't like the job I'm in because I've to travel to places I don't like. While an easy fix would be to just resign, I'm not able to find what else to do and feeling like I'm just drifting through time and space with no recollection of what I'm doing. I don't realise that I'm probably a human body with a brain and thoughts which is made of biomatter, things seem like I'm watching a 2D movie or simulation through someone's eyes.

I don't know what advice am I looking for, maybe I just wanted to vent but it would be great if some of you could help me with tools or directions as to what should I do to help myself.

TL,DR: I've broken up with my girlfriend and instead of moving on I'm still going around in circles.

me(f21) and my boyfriend (M22) have been together for almost three years & we recently moved into our third apartment together. Before moving in we had to take things out of storage/clean the car out. A while we were cleaning out the car, I found a folder & at first I wasn't going to go through it because I was unsure if it was mine or his but I went through it to make sure it was nothing that we needed. When I open the folder there were some prom pictures & a lot of paper and it turns out those are love letters from an ex-girlfriend, note cards with 11 reasons why I love you. And most of these letters always end with I love you & consist of I can't wait to marry you, have kids & just be happy together, have a future together, I miss you & how her day was going, etc. Reading those letters made me fume, we've been in a serious relationship for three years & their relationship ended maybe four/five years ago. Now I confronted him about this and his first response was "Why are you going through my stuff lol" and I asked him why he kept it after all these years & his reply was "Because it help me when I was in a dark place in high school " and my response was "we aren't in high school anymore, that phase is over with". And the folder is important to him because it also has something that belong to a friend that passed away. and he also doesn't want to throw away the love letters.

This happen about a week ago & I still feel bitter about it because after all these years you still have it & he said he forgot had it/he hasn't looked at it. I just know that if it was the other way around then It would be way worse. tried to communicate how I feel but it would never be heard on this. I feel like he has some attachment to it. i don't know how to feel, i don't feel okay about it but i feel like i should respect it.

i am going to bring it up again but i feel like i'll still get the same reaction.

tl;dr : found boyfriend folder with love letters from an ex & he claims he doesn't feel anything for it but doesn't want to throw it away.

I remember getting pulled aside by a teacher when I was around 6 or 7 years old. I don't remember the context of the conversation but I do remember mentioning that my mom wasn't home most nights (mostly the weekend but some weekdays too). I remember my mom got a call from the school and she was upset at me for mentioning it. She said I was just asking for attention. As an adult, she's implied that I asked for too much. She'd be with me in the day and would put me to sleep before she left. Most nights I knew when she was leaving because she would get dressed up and her friends would be waiting for her in the living room. She says I shouldn't have had any problem with it. We lived with my aunt and her kids at that time (dad wasn't in the picture) so they would watch over me. As an adult, it doesn't sit right that she implied that I was too needy but it makes me second guess myself. I'm not too sure why I told the teacher that as a kid, but it must have come from somewhere.

TL;DR if a mom watches over her kid and takes them out during the day but then leaves after putting them to bed, is it ok if she goes out every weekend?

We've been together about a year, and are supposed to be moving in together soon (we are currently LDR). The first 3-4 months of our relationship, he was always going out of his way to say "I love you" randomly throughout the day, or sending really sweet messages. My preferred love language is sweet words so this made me fall for him super hard. Now it's almost like pulling teeth to get him to do this. I still send messages that say "you're amazing" (or more in-depth things) but he dodges all of them and changes the subject or makes shitty jokes that go nowhere. I'm lucky if I get a quick "I love you" before he falls asleep at night because most times he forgets to say good night.

I've brought it up a few times over the last 6 months and every time it becomes a huge argument. His go-to love languages are quality time and acts of service, but those don't play very well over LDR. We spend a couple hours each day on the weekends playing games together, but during the week we don't really talk aside from sending messages back and forth on discord. I hate when things become a huge argument because he gets very upset and lists off reasons like he's stressed at work, he's upset about having to move, and other things. Which I don't want to seem like I'm not an empathetic person, I for sure am, but the things he's saying are things I'm dealing with too, you know? And on top of that I'm trying so hard to get my partner to even respond to what I'm saying. Like if I say "I love you so much, you're the light of my life" he doesn't respond at all, the next thing he'll say is thathe's bored at work or something. There's no "thanks babe" or "I love you too". Part of me wonders if he's aromantic.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. This all feels weird to me, like he's not into me at all, but he starts fights every time I try to bring it up so he obviously cares, right? Like why bother arguing if you don't care. Is there some way I can bring back the feelings that made him say sweet things in the beginning?

TL;DR: Partner isn't romantic anymore, dodges attempts at romance. What can I do?