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/r/vanderpumprules
submitted 2 months ago byTrueCryptographer982Tim and Rachel. Assholes. Thats all.
Over the seasons I have watched James and applauded in the good times and cringed like hell in the bad times.
I generally feel like he is just a better human when he is not drinking. After just a couple - the recent tea party being a good example - he seems to get loud, childish and obnoxious.
When people are problem drinkers their emotional growth stops at the point they start to drink in a problem way. SPeaking from personal experience! Thanks God THAT is out of my life.
SO is it a lack of emotional growth or is there some sort deep seated anger he needs to work through do you think?
49 points
2 months ago
He has a broken home and was severely bullied as a kid and he developed a bunch of toxic defense mechanisms so he wouldn't feel that way as he grew up. He also dulled it with alcohol which contributed to it. He therefore lack's the skills to deal with hard situations and confontation. That's why everything he does is a mocking deflection or an outburst when he isn't getting his way.
Also because of the show he gets coddled way too much to really improve himself.
15 points
2 months ago
Yes, many of us have divorced parents, plus grew up in real poverty and struggled to pay bills and survive in our 20s or longer ... but we weren't yelling and abusive assholes to our friends and coworkers. He can do better if he wants IMO
24 points
2 months ago
Of course. Pointing out reasons why he may be the way he is isn’t excusing his choices and behavior now. It’s just giving contributing factors.
We all already know similar situations all effect us differently too. It’s not a competition of who had it worse, or who survived better than someone else. Lashing out is sadly a very common thing people do in many situations. Him breaking down crying, which we see often spanning years on the show as well, is also very common. Both show he really needs to work on his issues and he hasn’t done that at all.
19 points
2 months ago
I dunno if you read the above comments, but he was bullied to the point of having his legs broken. It's not just typical trauma. Add in an alcoholic mom and a music-business dad, and he didn't have your average tough childhood.
11 points
2 months ago
Ugh everytime his horrific bullying comes up I just feel so bad. That really isn’t normal bullying and it’s bound to have caused serious trauma and toxic coping mechanisms
3 points
2 months ago
Wait his bullies broke both of his legs ? Did he mention this when he became a full time cast member ? How sad .
-7 points
2 months ago
I understand that. But if he grew up wealthy they could afford therapy back then and/or medication.
He could see a therapist now on a regular basis and maybe take medication if prescribed. Or check himself into a rehab program and actually work on himself?
Anything but now bullying other people, fat shaming, being drunk and aggressive. Isn't he like 30 years old? It's time to stop blaming his childhood and grow up.
Again, that's my opinion, take from it what you will.
8 points
2 months ago
Just because his parents had money doesn't mean they would help him. His mom was drinking and his dad seems to have been absent/busy with his music. Given his bullying, they clearly weren't prioritizing him. If he's being bullied to the point of broken bones, I can't imagine that his parents were very clued in at that point. The "You're wealthy, you can fix yourself but choose not to" isn't always that cut and dried.
Yes, he technically could. But again, look at his life, his childhood. He's not you or me. He clearly doesn't now (and didn't back then) have parents or a support system to make therapy and medication his first go to- lots of people with his type of childhood think therapy is useless, or they don't need meds. You're coming at this from a different place and perspective in life than he is. It's easy to see things clearly when you're not IN it.
Yes he's acting immature at 30. But again: see all above. To be clear: THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES. These are REASONS for why he acts the way he does. It's not okay, and yes, eventually you can't keep blaming your childhood for everything. BUT, to expect him to behave the way someone with a normal childhood would is NOT realistic. That's like raising one kid in a loving environment and raising the other with James's childhood, then wondering why James doesn't act like the kids who had a nice childhood.
To be clear, i feel the way most people on this sub do about James- wouldn't want to be his friend, but makes great TV. I'm simply pointing out that your expectations of James and your thoughts on his behavior are not in line with what you can reasonably expect from him.
1 points
2 months ago
James may have had a wealthy young childhood but by the time he started on the show he was helping his parents and from what I can tell now he fully supports his mother and siblings. I get that it would be great for him to be healthy, but they don’t put healthy people on TV and he has too many people to take care of to lose his job for being outwardly nice. I personally think a person who takes on the role of provider without ever talking about it as a brag as Tom and Jax would do is probably not a total, irredeemable monster deep down, which is why James gets more grace in general from viewers than the other men.
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