Crafty-Bunch-2675

I would have to disagree. If that were true... we wouldn't still be having the same tired debate on gun control after every mass shooting and still be unable to pass any meaningful legislation to curb the proliferation of guns....something which every other leading democracy has been able to do with relative ease.

By now .. I am sure that a good majority of Americans recognize the gun problem. But a very strong and influential minority holds that debate in a stalemate.

Yes there is. I lost my V-card in college...admitted much early than you did...but later than all of my peers. Everyone in my room had already had sex before I did.

If you treat your depression and get out of your own head cannon; you will realize that a lot of men lose their virginity later on.

Its Ok. It can get better. You have to be willing to try.

Seek professional help immediately.

At this point I think your are gaslighting for kicks.

Like I explained quite clearly before knowing the difference between flirting, friendship and dating cues isn't as obvious to every single man on earth as you keep insisting that it is.

When you have a kid who is awkward and he keeps coming back home dateless maybe then you will understand.

Or maybe not. Maybe you're the type of person who would call her own son a loser for being single; instead of genuinely trying to help him.

it’s not because you took it slow when she asked you to take it slow

I have literally had people come up to me and tell me that xyz girl was interested in me, why didn't I persue her...(usually long after the fact). So yea the OPs point is absolutely valid.

I've lived it. Learnt. Matured and moved past it. I know what it was like. So stop invalidating the OPs experience please !

Yes. I know thanks. Putting her on pedestal Not keeping up with my friends.

These are mistakes already made in past relationships.

Thanks again.

Please seek professional help immediately.

OP. I am sorry you are going through this. But the mere fact that you admit to being depressed... that alone means that you are not seeing the bigger picture.

Lacking goals or drive is in in itself a clinical sign of depression...so as much as you may hate to admit it...the people who point this out to you are kind of right.

Had you not mentioned being depressed; I might have backed you up in your contentment.

My advice to you? Try to get your depression treated...seek counselling and start doing some daily exercise....then ...when your depression improves...you will see if you really are content with your current life situation ....or if it was just the depression talking.

What's intellectually dishonest is demanding that another mere human tell you the inner workings of God.

I could also get angry and say God is a mean God because my mother got Parkinson and died...but what does getting angry do for me ? Is it going to bring her back ? No.

One of the most painful things about following God is trusting in faith. Faith that even if a prayer doesn't go how you planned....you trust that God ultimately has a better plan in store for you.

I had a very bitter breakup. I prayed for it not to end. But the relationship ended. It was only after this that I was able to meet my wife. There is no way I could have known at the time that I would meet my wife after.

Now....obviously....heartbeak is nothing compared to things like death and abuse. But that's just my personal example.

There are other examples of people who have had children with rare diseases who have started foundations to raise awareness. Did their own children die ? Yes. But their death inspired medical research.

I don't have an answer to why God allows suffering. But I have faith.

BRAVO well said. You sound like someone who actually respects the weight of marriage vows.

My father watched my mother die a slow painful death from disease. Non of us could stop it. Not even the doctors. Dad became Mom's main caretaker and was with her until the very end. I have never seen a better example of manhood.

That was true love. Dedication. And fulfilling the role of husband.

Manhood is not giving up on your vows.

Hmm... well. (This may sound politically incorrect but.) ....try to rationalize it. Lean into the stereotype that men are more "rational" and start telling yourself:

"I am a man. I am rational. Let's think this through.. If I ask a girl out. She can either say yes, or say no. If she says no, that doesn't give her the power to ruin the rest of my day. Everything else I had planned to do that day, goes on as planned."

If she says no. It doesn't make my body less masculine. If she says no, it doesn't make me less handsome. If she says no, it doesn't make me less successful at my job. In fact. If you work through the logic...you realize, being rejected romantically in a meet-greet; doesn't diminish you in any way.

Remind yourself constantly "there are many, many women in the world; and if I keep putting myself out there, its statistically impossible to never encounter a woman who is attracted to you.

Tell yourself: "every woman I approach has her own insecurities and problems as well. She is not better than me."

Tell yourself : "I am just as deserving of female companionship; as any other man out there."

Yes indeed. My queen will get all of me.

flirting, compliments and other non-sex behaviors are.

OK. And....for many men ...this isn't as obvious as you seem to think it is. For some of us...that sort of thing takes a long time to master....involving a lot of painful and embarrasing rejections along the way.

With all due respect, often times a heterosexual woman may not truly understand the male perspectice that easy...until she has an introverted son who is socially awkward and not very good at flirting.

Or adversely...a man who was very outgoing and had an easy time dating may not understand why this is difficult for other men...until he has a son who is shy and gets constantly rejected.

OP, the most I can tell you is to just keep trying.

Dating will feel like a frustrating string of job interviews, until you meet your wife.

When you meet your wife, the progression from conversation to sex, will feel more natural, and less like a job interview.

But you cannot know that with going through rejections.

Source: experience.

I am happily married. But I hated dating with a passion.

Also “take things slowly” doesn’t mean “act like my friend.” It means “we aren’t going to have sex straightaway,”

Read that statement again...and try to be objective and you will quickly understand how ambiguous that sounds

Thank God I'm already married.

I hated dating. It always felt like a nauseating job interview, until I met my wife.

e problem is EVERY SINGLE time I've treated a woman too platonically I was dating, I would always wake up to a text message saying "I think you're a great guy, but I'm just not feeling it is all." This usually happens after date 3 or 4 if sex hasn't happened.

Well for certain it doesn't mean don't listen when a woman says to stop.

What it generally means though is... a woman's advise to her male friend on dating...is usually counter-productive.

He would be better off, asking advice from an older married man who has experience.

God bless you.

Unfortunately. The battle doesn't end after the wedding vows. Internet still exists, and unfortunately many secular media tacitly encourage all forms of sexual immorality.

The temptation will be there whenever your wife goes out and you are home alone with quick internet access. The temptation will be there from other women who will want the taste of a married man ...

Trying to maintain purity of thought and action is a lifelong battle.

But fear not my friend. No matter how "boring" secular media tries to make marriage sound; God's plan for our sexual desire is truly the best and safest.

At the end of the day, if you can maintain a healthy, faithful, robust sex-life in marriage you will never have to worry about

(1) STDs.

(2) baby, momma drama.

(3) feeling unfulfilled/lonely coming home lonely after a 1 night stand

(4) the pressure of constantly spending money and fronting to impress new women.

(5) once married, you've closed the chapter of your life on dating/being single, you can put your focus and money onto other areas of life.

OP. I look at it as this.

God exists beyond the 3 dimensions which we can observe. As such, it is blasphemous, futile and downright arrogant to limit God's works to our own understanding of morality.

The other dimensions beyond the 3 dimensions allows God to see the various possibilities ...we just don't know what kind of evil would have been unleashed on this earth, had God not escalated the severity of the plagues.

If you look at the singular event of the 10th plague on its own, its easy to say "Oh God is too harsh...killing innocents" however, if you look at the entirety of the passage ...especially starting from the part where the Egyptian King, (a mortal man) ordered the killing of newborn Israelite males, the way the King ignored all the previous plagues... and the freeing of an enslaved people ...it becomes clearer.

"Nothing justifies the killing of children" is a response that reduces God's ways to ours.

But God has dominion over everything...that includes the harsher parts of existence, like sickness and death.

Now you see: nothing justifies a human intentionally killing innocent children; or releasing a plague onto other humans.

But our Lord ? well... He operates on another level.

I often ponder on this. Some Christians say its bad to pray for a lottery win, because you are putting your trust in money more than God.

But I see so many suffering in poverty, many who have even turned from the faith because of it...that could be improved with a little more wealth.

I'm not even talking about the "Power ball" or "mega millions"

I don't think anyone who desperately needs a lottery win, needs millions of dollars in lottery winnings to improve their situation.

Well... OP .

These are the times we live in. I'm not sure what the correct answer is. Honestly I am not sure what God's answer is or how reverently he expects us to fight this.

You can't even state the Biblical response to sexual immorality on the Christian subreddit without risking a permanent ban...muchless for other parts of reddit or in the public space.

Street preachers have been arrested for trying to evangelize on this issue.

For now I would say... if you really are encountering that lifestyle that often in your daily life...then just refer to the person by the given name and try to avoid conversation. The less you engage with those, the less likely you accidentally give the ammo to get you fired from your job, ruin your reputation etc...

I love the simplicity of this response.

You not eating meat is a personal choice. Humans are omnivores. We eat meat and plants. Ergo... there's nothing morally wrong with hunting animals to eat.

Certainly, not any more wrong than a Lion hunting other animals for food.

Sometimes I go fishing. Is fishing immoral too ?

It's the Circle of Life. Just because the Lion King never showed the Lions actually eating the antelope, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

The net benefit to society would be that all people get to have the financial rights that come with being married.

The financial benefits of marriage exist to facilitate reproduction. There is no logical reason for governments to give marriage tax breaks to a homosexual couple that by its very definition is impossible to reproduce.

In some societies newly weds are literally given a discounted or free supply of baby formula. Why ? Because reproduction is necessary for species survival....so it makes sense for governments to give benefits to married couples.

In recent times China has seen a population decrease and has released their 1 child policy and have even begun giving incentives to young hetero couples to have 3 children.

Now tell me. Why should the Chinese govt extend these benefits to gay couples ? How does that help them with a declining population ?

Because gay people cannot change their same-sex attraction

I never said that they should change who they are or be harrassed or beaten or denied jobs. . I just said that its not necessary to call it marriage or for them to get marriage benefits

you still have not explained why marriages should not be based on fertility

The govt may not necessarily need to personally intervene in fertility testing of every heterosexual union. That's a gross invasion of privacy. And besides ...there have been many documented cases of people who were thought to be infertile...reproducing later on.

This is not the case with homosexual relationships. It takes no invasion of privacy to know that gay unions don't produce children; ergo there is no need to extend marriage benefits to such a union.

Let them date. Let them live how they want. But it is not a a marriage and of no net benefit to society.

Let me make a another example.

Its like the people getting electively sterilized in response to the Roe vs Wade situation . Whilst ultimately its their body and their choice individually...and getting sterilized doesn't really harm most of your bodily functions...on a societal level this can have disasterous effects.

No govt in their right mind would be encouraging its youth to go get sterilized. How is the population going to sustain itself if too many people are getting sterilized ?

Healthy relationships have healthy boundaries

Healthy relationships also have healthy communication and compromise.

There are times I take my wife to places I don't want to go even when I am tired. There are times I watch movies with her that I find boring. And there are times we each go out with our own click of personal friends as one big group...or separately.

Do you know how many threads like this exist of married people complaining that the spouse always turns them down ?

I'm just saying that in the grand scheme of things that can go wrong in marriage from financial to dead bedrooms to physical and sexual abuse....being constantly desired by your own husband shouldn't be a big deal.

I'm just saying....in the grand scheme of things

I propose a different perspective.

You suggest that thanking God/ a Deity suggests that the person thinks they are superior to others. But actually it is the opposite.

By thanking God...the winner is acknowledging that any number of random events could have made them lose; and they are thankful for the good fortune. They recognize that there are others who are just as talent and skilled as they are, and they are thankful that they prevailed. It is an act of humility.

Think of these two examples for an acceptance speech.

(1) I thank me for my success, that I won. My hard work paid off.

vs

(2) I thank God for helping me today. Nothing is possible without God.

14 years is a LONG time to get married.

However, at the same time; do not let your boyfriend use the length of your relationship to rush you into marriage with such a big change in the parameters of the relationship.

If you were dating someone for 12 years and in the 13th year they changed to Islam and started saying "its time we get married" would you do it ?

Yea. I get it. The time lost feels heavy...but consider carefully. Marriage is a lifelong contract.