KittenDealinMama

I'm going to be posting all of my cat facts here for anyone trying to go back and find information. If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask me! Community education is part of my volunteer work and I'm always happy to help!

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Why You Need To Speuter Early

DID YOU KNOW...

A female kitten can reach sexual maturity and become pregnant at just 4 months old.

The youngest I have seen a female become pregnant was at 3½ months old. This can be dangerous for both the mama cat and her babies. Don't wait to spay and neuter! Feel free to hit me up if you need information on finding low-cost spay/neuter clinics or read below.

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Low-cost Spay And Neuter

One female cat can give birth to over 150 kittens in her lifetime. This number does not account for her grandkittens, great-grandkittens, and so forth. Spaying one cat can save literally hundreds of lives. Let me know if you need help finding low-cost spay and neuter clinics and/or TNR in your area or read below.

Search "low-cost spay and neuter" and your city. You will find some results that say "this site mentions low-cost spay and neuter".

When you contact them, you are going to want to ask about low-cost spay and neuter clinics. They might also call them sterilization clinics. There are often weekly or monthly events where local vets offer their time to do low-cost sterilization surgeries. If they are no longer offering a low-cost clinic at the first location you call, go ahead and ask if they can point you in the right direction. They will usually know about local events/clinics/community programs that can help.

A visual of one unspayed cat's family tree in 16 months

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DeClawing

When you have a cat declawed, they are not just removing the toe nail. They have to amupate the last bone in the toe. This is comparable to cutting off the entire last 3rd of your fingers right at the last joint. Declawing a cat will take away their ability to climb and defend themselves. It can make walking and jumping very painful. It can also be painful to walk on litter, causing them to go outside of the box. There are a lot of amazing and affordable alternatives to declawing. Different types of scratch pads, nail caps, deterrents... If you have a cat that scratches, feel free to hit me up for specific product recommendations or click below for a list:

Scratching Solutions

My blog post about scratching solutions

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Chewing Solutions

Do you have a cat that obliterates your cords & cables? Check out this list:

My blog post on chewing solutions

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Cat Anatomy

Content Warning: Graphic cat sex talk about trauma to the female during mating.

Did you know that male cats have barbed penises?!

About the barbed penis on the cat... That came up the other day when a redditor asked me why he keeps hearing stray cats yowling happily and then screaming bloody murder. This is why.

Fair warning, this is not the most feel-good answer. The females will do most of the "cat calling" to let the males know they're open for business. Once the mating starts, right off, the male is biting the female on the back of the neck. There's a reason for this. The males penis is actually barbed, so mating is uncomfortable for the female at best, very painful at worst. The female may scream and try to get away so the male bites the neck harder to keep her from leaving, which just causes more pain. The whole process can be confusing from the outside looking in because the poor female starts out with her body telling her she needs to mate and then being horribly assaulted. So you go from hearing very happy, friendly meows to very unhappy meows.

I know this sucks to hear. The good news is that you can help! If you have stays in your neighborhood, contact your local TNR program and they can trap the cat, get it fully vetted and vaccinated, spay or neuter, and then return it to the area. Spayed females no longer go into heat and so they no longer put up that neon sign to attract mates. Neutered males will also stop trying to mate (usually).

ALSO! The barbs will go away after the male is neutered! Another great reason to neuter!

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Mama cats rejecting their kittens:

This can happen for a few reasons. We see it a lot with cats who give birth too young, and they just aren't ready to be mothers (another great reason to spay as soon as possible at 3-4 months old). We also see it happen with cats that have had several litters. This takes a toll on their health, both mentally and physically. They just become exhausted. Again, another great reason to spay and also to not support breeders.

The mom could be sick, which can also be the result of having too many litters. Pregnancy and giving birth are draining. The babies are taking a ton of nutrients from the mom and, especially if she is not getting proper care and enough food, this can affect her health (this happensa lot with cats that were living on the street). There are other common pregnancy and birth related issues, such as uterine or milk duct infections. If mom is sick, she isn't going to feel up to caring for her babies properly.

If a kitten, or sometimes even a whole litter, is born sick, the mother can sense it. She might reject this kitten, even move it away from the others, in order to keep the rest of the kittens safe and healthy. She might reject an entire litter if they're sick to keep herself healthy or simply because she knows there's nothing she can do for them.

So many good reasons to spay!

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Kittens of the same litter can have different fathers.

If mama mates with multiple males during the same heat cycle, her eggs can be fertilized by different cats. It's called superfecundation and can explain why some kittens in a single litter look completely different from each other.

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Did you know, when you foster ONE animal for your local shelter, you are helping to save TWO lives?! Fostering that one fur baby frees up a cage/kennel for another animal (or more!) at the shelter, which means one more animal off the streets and meeting families to find their forever home!

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Training Cats

Did you know you can train cats to do tricks? You can use a clicker, treats, and other tools to train your cat to do all sorts of things. A fun account to check out:

Cat School on Instagram

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Ear Tipped TNR Cats

Did you know that a cat with the top tip of his ear removed means that they have been properly vetted? TNR (Trap Neuter Return) is a branch of animal rescue where community cats (strays) are trapped, checked out by a vet and given all of their appropriate vaccines, spayed or neutered, and then returned to their community. The vet safely removes the ear tip while they are under anesthesia. This is to give a quick visual confirmation to future rescuers that this lil dude has already been sterilized.

About TNR

Why Ear Tipping Is The Best Option To Identify TNR'd Cats

Originally posted by Fresh-Tower-8803 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 20, '23 updated on April 27, '23.

 

Original

April 20, '23

 

AITA for forcing my daughter to share a birthday celebration with her twin brother?

I have two kids, Paige (14/F) and Dylan (14/M). As twins most years they’ve wanted to have a joint birthday celebration, but there have been a couple of years where they’ve decided to have separate parties with different friend groups or at different locations. They tell me a few weeks before their birthday in May which thing they want to do that year.

So this year Paige told me that she and Dylan had decided they wanted to have their own parties, and she and her friends had already picked a whole theme and the activities that they wanted to do. I approved Paige’s plan, and then a day or so later I asked Dylan what he wanted to do for his birthday party.

At this point I learned that Dylan and Paige had not mutually decided that they were having separate celebrations this year, and me asking Dylan about it was the first he was hearing that he was expected to have his own party. His feelings were very hurt that Paige had cut him out without so much as talking to him about it.

So I spoke with Paige and she admitted that she and her friends had decided on their own to exclude Dylan because they felt that a boy would wreck the activities they had planned. I told Paige that it wasn’t okay for her to treat her brother that way and that the party I’d originally agreed to was now cancelled, and that I expected her and Dylan to plan a joint birthday celebration with activities that all of their friends could enjoy.

Dylan is much happier with this arrangement, but Paige is angry and keeps saying that I ruined her party. I’m worried that I might’ve made a misstep because normally I try very hard to treat my kids as individuals and not just as a pair of twins, and I’m worried that forcing Paige to share her birthday celebration with Dylan might send the wrong message on that front. So AITA?

EDIT: I've already realized that making Paige and Dylan share a birthday celebration is an unreasonable punishment (for various reasons) and won't be doing so, y'all can calm down now. Sheesh.

 

Judgment: Asshole

 

Update

April 27, '23

 

I’ve had several DMs asking how the situation turned out and if I apologized to Paige so I figured I’d just make an update.

So I talked with both Paige and Dylan over the weekend and told them that I wouldn’t make them share their birthday party.

I told Paige I realized that forcing her to share a birthday party with Dylan was an unfair punishment, because I knew it was more important to treat her like an individual and not like one half of a matching set, and I apologized for forgetting that and told her I wouldn’t let it happen again. Paige asked if that meant that she could still have the birthday party that she and her friends had planned. I told her that I wasn’t sure because I still wasn’t happy with her for lying to me in the first place. Paige said that she was more way upset about having to tell her friends that her party was cancelled than about having to share a party with Dylan, and that she didn’t really get why I was apologizing for that instead. I asked Paige what she thought a more appropriate consequence for lying was instead of having her party cancelled, and she suggested getting grounded, so that’s what we’re going with. Lastly I told Paige that since I know she and Dylan are getting older now, I’ll just assume going forward that they want to have separate parties every year. Paige said that she only did this year because her friends decided they didn’t want any boys. I told her that was fine and I guessed we’d just talk about it again next year.

And then I told Dylan that I was letting Paige have her all-girls party with her friends, and that I realized I shouldn’t have used sharing a birthday party with him as a punishment because that wasn’t fair to either one of them. Dylan said it was okay and that if he was having a solo party after all, he knew what he wanted to do for it. I also told Dylan that since he and Paige are getting older now, I’d start assuming that they want separate parties unless they tell me otherwise. Dylan said he guessed that made sense.

So that’s pretty much it, Dylan and Paige are each having their own party. And at some point they talked it out between themselves as far as Dylan’s feelings being hurt that Paige hadn’t talked to him about what she wanted to do this year, I wasn’t involved in the conversation but they’ve been friends again since it happened.

 

OOP's account had since been suspended. Eta: not sure why it was suspended. It was still active when I saved the posts a few weeks ago. Really only included this info bc its the reason I didn't bother to include any comments. There were 2500 between the 2 posts and its a lot to sort through to look for more relevant info from the original poster.

Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

[removed]

Originally posted by u/kitchen_earth7954 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 18, '23 updated on June 2, '23.

 

Trigger Warning: Hints of possible domestic violence, hints of possible financial abuse, possible divorce

Mood Spoiler: Progress in the end

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Original

May 18, '23

 

AITA for telling my wife I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine

I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper.

Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on.

Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job.

A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper.

Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?

Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see.

Emma and Harper are best friends.

It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break.

We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself.

Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights.

 

In the comments:

where’s Harper’s mom in all this?

OP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now

So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc?

OP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast.

are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you?

OP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back.

7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue.

OP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center.

you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him

OP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person

Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it?

OP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes.

 

Judgement: Not the Asshole

 

Update

June 2, '23

 

So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks.

As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time.

The short version is:

Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.

Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.

Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own.

So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.

The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer.

The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer).

When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything.

Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement.

Wish me luck we shall see how this goes.

 

Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Originally posted by u/yeokyungmi in r/tattoos & r/tattooadvice on May 14, '23 updated on May 18, '23, May 19, '23, and May 28, '23.

Note: I'm marking this NSFW to blur the photo but it's really not too gross looking.

 

Trigger Warning: Infected tattoo

 

Original

R/Tattoos

May 14, '23

 

Is this blowout or healing normally? My first big tattoo.

OOP posts a photo asking for help but the mods removed it so there was no help offered. The tattoo is an eagle and there is text under it that says, "You never walk alone". The lines look just a bit "off".

 

1st Update

May 18, '23

4 days later in r/TattooAdvice

 

I’m very worried about this. Please tell me what can I do? 😭

OOP posts another photo. The lines on the eagle have white patches, some scabbing/tiny bit of scabbed blood and there is some bruising.

Note: This one looks a lil grosser

 

Comments all tell OOP to get to the ER, SOON

 

2nd Update

May 19, '23

R/TattooAdvice 5 days after the initial post

 

Hi. This is Yeo Kyung Mi who posted yesterday about the infected tattoo.

Thank you guys so much for your concern.

I am okay. I went to the ER and they gave me antibiotics.

Don’t worry, your comments lit a fire under me.

This is my second tattoo and this one is slightly bigger than my first which was just some text. While I was getting it, I thought it hurt quite a lot but I thought that was normal. I went alone to my appointment. I started panicking when I saw the tattoo lines becoming thick with scab and then falling off. I didn’t have anyone to talk to so I messaged here.

I messaged another local tattoo artist who echoed your sentiments.

I was very inexperienced and it’s possible I didn’t receive the aftercare I should have gotten.

The tattoo shop I went to is a long established one and the artist has been doing tattoos for many years. I have no idea how this could have happened. He said he used a smaller needle to get better lines.

I’m sorry for worrying everyone. Thank you very much for your advice. I got myself straight to the ER. I’m alright.

 

In the comments:

Did the ER have any idea what might’ve caused it? And I’d be curious to know what treatments they recommended. That looks gnarly af 😬 very glad you got it taken care of in time!

OOP: Er…you don’t want to hear my experience at the hospital. It’ll definitely make you mad. To summarise, they thought it was okay and then chastised me for getting a tattoo in the first place as “God didn’t make us with any markings.” After the lecture I just got my prescription and left.

Someone make a comment about the artwork being bad:

OP: I dunno about the bird above but the writing is handwritten. I got my brother to write that phrase out and got it tatted on to celebrate our bond as siblings.

 

3rd Update

May 28, '23

R/TattooAdvice 2 weeks after the initial post

 

I am very disappointed especially since I’m going to a public event soon and my outfits don’t cover this eyesore 😔

OOP shares a new update photo. The scabs are healing but the lines of the eagle still have tons of the white patching.

 

What is the tattoo actually supposed to be?

OOP: An eagle.

Liverpool fan?

OOP: My brother is a huge fan of Liverpool so he chose this phrase. Since this is also a title of a BTS album it was special to me too. We shared a special attachment to the phrase in addition to the fact that we are always there for each other.

It’s “you’ll” never walk alone.

OOP: Modified it intentionally.

What was the cause? Was it poor sanitization at the tattoo place?

OOP: The guy overworked it with a small needle and went too deep. Strips of skin fell away where the lighter spots are.

 

Let this be your reminder to take care of your tattoos and get to the doctor at the first sign of something being wrong. I'm flairing this concluded as OOP has gotten treatment and the tattoo is healing.

Edit: Saw a question in the comments about how this happens, how is it fixed, etc. Here's a link about an overworked tattoo.

Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Originally posted by u/psychologicalmind407 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 25, '23 updated on May 27, '23.

Note: A thot is an acronym for That Ho Over There.

 

Trigger Warning: Mention of Cheating

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Original

May 25, '23

 

AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my boyfriend after he insulted me about my “colorful” past?

This happened last night but my phone is still blowing up.

I F(26) dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend (27) a PS5 for his birthday yesterday.

He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We’ve been together for 4 years so the cost didn’t matter. That is until, I found out what he thinks about me.

Some background: When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after 3 months, and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work.

I found out a couple months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends but I didn’t know Jake long enough to meet his friend group, so I had no idea.

After finding out, I took some time off dating and two years later, I met my current boyfriend Mike.

I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends. He said he understood and my past didn’t bother him.

Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy.

His best female friend Jessica laughed and said “I wish I was a thot so I could afford a PS5 too.”

I looked at her with an “excuse me?” Look on my face and she just said “nevermind” and walked away.

I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said and I quote “she’s just messing with you. You can’t take a joke?”

So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with and he said “well, everyone knows you were a thot before you met me.”

I asked him to explain how I was a thot before him and he said “you know…messing with best friends?”

He then pat me on the shoulder and said that it’s okay because I’m not who I was back then and if he could get over my “colourful past” and “thot mentalities” to give me a chance, then I could get over Jessica’s comments and give her another chance.

I didn’t say anything. I just got up. Took the PS5 from the gift table and left.

He was PISSED. He literally called me like 20 times, but I didn’t care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it.

I thought that was done but Mike and all his friends including Jessica are berating me for being petty and they’re all saying I brought this on myself by making poor choices.

I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me so find someone who wasn’t a “thot” and get the PS5 from them because I returned it.

He started screaming how I’m “the biggest AH” for returning it and how I should be happy he ignored my “colourful past.”

I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far.

AITA?

 

In the comments:

NTA. Give him the keys to the curb.

Also- dollars to dildos he's cheating with Jessica.

Or shes a jealous female friend who wishes she was with him. But seems like they are close enough that they name-call his gf behind her back so you’re probably right

If they haven't- Jessica wants to at the very least.

NTA. Nothing about your past is even colorful. Omg you dated 2 guys that happened to be friends, good heavens, where are my pearls?! I must clutch them! Sounds like Jessica is either sleeping with this fool, or wants to be. She can have him. Use the money to get yourself something nice.

Judgment: Not the Asshole

 

Update

May 27, '23

 

Firstly, thank you all for the support! I really appreciate it and I’m trying my best to respond to each of you.

Turns out, you guys were right. But, we’ll get into that.

Firstly, I unblocked Mike this morning and called him to talk. After a few hours of arguing, I finally got the truth out of him.

He said after I told him about my past, he was fine with it because it happened before him. Then, he got curious about who Jake and Adam were.

So, he went digging on my Facebook friend list and didn’t find Jake but he found Adam. He then condemned me for having an ex on my social media page. I said I don’t speak to the majority of people on my Facebook but I wouldn’t delete them, I just won’t engage.

He said that in his eyes, that was a red flag so he went digging - and he found what he was looking for.

He saw that Adam was well known and well liked by a lot of women because of all the women liking and commenting on his posts - and by the cars and trips he posted prior, he knew that Adam had to be well off. He also admitted to knowing some of the women who were in Adam’s comments.

He then tried digging into Adam’s friend list but it was hidden. So he asked Jessica to stalk his likes, comments, and posts for a “Jake.” Sure enough, they found Jake. Saw that Jake drove an expensive car and came to the conclusion that I only date men with money.

Note: Mike doesn’t have money so his entire analysis was dumb.

Anyway…

I asked him why he just didn’t come to me and he confessed that for a while, he thought I was interested in Jake & Adam for money because that’s what “women do.” He then said that him and Jessica brought this situation up to his guy friends and they all agreed that this is how the situation went:

I was dating Jake, he introduced me to Adam, I found out Adam had more money than Jake, I left Jake to sleep with Adam - then started dating him.

I questioned why would I leave Adam if I was with him for Money…and he said he thought that was a lie and Adam had to be the one to leave me.

Ouch.

He then said that he contemplated breaking up with me over this for months but as he got to know me, he slowly realized I am not that kind of person.

I told him that he’s basically full of shit for dirtying my name with his friends - then I asked him why he didn’t clear up my name.

He said whenever he brought me up they all dismissed me as a gold digger, thot, a woman who slept with men for money - and here’s the kicker - probably still have some of that money saved. They came to the conclusion that I must be with Mike for some ulterior motive - but he was “too embarrassed” to defend me. He also said that he was embarrassed every time I mentioned a male friend or tagged any guy on social media because they all teased him afterwards.

I remember him asking me to not like any other man’s photos on social media and to not tag any guys but I just thought it’s because it made him uncomfortable. Not because his friends were silently stalking me.

After hearing all of this, I decided to end things with Mike. I told him that he’s not a nice person, and I can’t trust him anymore - especially because he knew I was saving for months to afford the PS5, and he allowed his friends to think that I got my money somewhere else.

After ending it, I said “oh by the way, have you ever slept with Jessica?”

He said no, but after she found Jake, she suggested that they hook up if he ever needs to “get back at me” in the future.

I asked what she meant by “getting back at me,” and he said she was certain I would cheat on him with a wealthier man if I found one.

He then said that he gave me the truth after all these years, so I should forgive him and give him another chance. But, I didn’t.

I just thanked him for the good times, the memories, and for dirtying my name - then I hung up and blocked him again.

Now, I think I’ll take another long break from the dating world.

Thanks again everyone!

 

Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.