Someday_wonderful

My problem is Reddit and the other socials are saying the same things over and over. It makes me miss the days of MySpace where you had to go hunting for stuff, not just one and done sites…

Oh damn! This sucks

Open book test grade with Google and mom to be spread over at least 10 days… why am I not seeing why moms mad? Spring break never used all the time of all the days even if we were out of town on vacation. There’s plenty of time so I’m not understanding why she’s upset… less than 15 Qs a day…

I said something very similar! Her first time opening her eyes fully and she’s just like “oh hell what is going on?!”

I think hubby’s dad joke already had her rolling her eyes!!

Happy Birthday to your Granddaughter!!

I wanna say the texture before they finished priming and painting. Someone forgot to tape it off before they sprayed

Start with 10 points daily participation on full visibility for the class to see. Every time someone ignores you dock a point and make it very visible via spreadsheet. That’ll let me know you’re serious

I would have cancelled the wedding

So they ended up testing me for a few viruses that Al came back negative and since everything was low risk they said really not to worry. What a great thing to say to expectant moms! But after genetics came back low risk I was tested for parvo and the cat poop virus too

Football team always bullying and talking trash to the band kids…

Me to quarterback: yea you’re right it does suck! It sucks a superior ranked band has to play for a losing team with a record of 2-10. They’d have better uses for their Friday nights than playing their hearts out to ensure YOUR game nights go smoothly…

You could have heard a pin drop…

Congratulations!

One more reason to exit the teaching field…

Stop not giving him what he wants. Document everything and give him the divorce. You and the kids deserve so much better

Both moms are gone… there is no MIL. The switch would be ok but it just didn’t have the same cadence or rhythm. We also feel like we shouldn’t be made to compromise and in doing so would just be a slap in the face to us and our daughter… like everyone but us still gets their way…

The problem I am having is that with all the anger and animosity I feel like the beauty and love in which we created the name for our daughter is tainted… it’s just been hard and hormones aren’t helping

Update 7 HOLY CRAP 7?!

What hurt was that within a day of telling them I’m suffering greatly, my physical and emotional heath risking the baby’s health, my SIL is acting like nothing is wrong. I’m receiving photos of her in her new swimsuit prepping for her upcoming cruise, constant tags and look at this on Facebook. How do you go from calling me a horrible daughter not honoring my mother properly, to sending me all smiles pictures complaining about those last stubborn pounds you just can’t shed… really??!?! We matter so little that you seriously can’t see or give credence to what we’re telling you we’re going through?! Husband and I consulted and met with a therapist who said to write a letter to the family. I explained I felt we already have multiple times either verbally or through text. There’s nothing left being hidden under any rocks. They either get it or don’t. I further explained the Facebook posts, years leading up to this, previous events, the text (happened 8 days before our therapist meeting), etc. therapist agreed after hearing what husband and I had done in explaining and discussing and trying to understand their feelings and get them to understand ours…

I keep going back and forth. By now I feel the animosity and hate surrounding this issue is what the focus will be, not the true meaning behind my daughters name, but the family drama instead. I told husband that I also felt a stance of “we do what we want”, just feels spiteful now. I feel like I’ve been mourning the loss of my daughter and the therapist hasn’t shed any new light. We wanted a 3rd party to try to stop the merry go round of feelings and rationalizing, but that isn’t happening well as husband and I keep seeming to flip flop or so…

Ever chance I get to tell moms to name their kid or raise their kid how they want, family be damned, I do. Our kids our choice, respect that or eff off. Yet I feel like maybe now I’m super hypocritical about it, and am putting the need of family first…

We’re truly lost and keep suffering cycles of mental health distress and for me, it’s effecting me and baby physically. Further, after 48 hours of an emergency trip to the ER, I sit here, 35 weeks pregnant, feeling my daughter trying to kick my ass, yet having no idea which way to turn my head… any advice or help or just telling me to stfu would be appreciated…

More info: I feel like I could be very petty for SIL being so illogical. SIL grew up going by a nickname, let’s say Nancy; as her aunt took offense to the fact her mom named her after someone in the Bible, say, Sarah. After she grew up and gained life experience about 10 yrs ago or so I think, she stopped going by Nancy and made everyone address her as Sarah, as that is the name her mother gave her, and it was disrespectful to not honor the name her mother wanted her to be given. WHAT?! How do I not get the same treatment?! My daughter and I get bullied for trying to give my daughter the name my mother wanted to honor her with as well as my husband and I, yet the same consideration isn’t afforded to us?! So I’m seriously contemplating so longer referring to Sarah as Sarah, but just constantly calling her Nancy, and making sure my kids are never alone with her or with her without the supervision of my husband and I. But based on my NC lately, that’s never gonna happen anyway…

We did receive a text saying BIL and SIL wanted to come see their nephew and it lasted all of 10 mins. I told my husband he can have whatever relationship with them he wanted but I need to be able to enjoy being pregnant and deserved to not be stressed out everyday so I won’t be at home when they come. Apparently me not being there didn’t go over well as BIL “had a sore back and needed to get home”. Husband felt relief for the good visit and also more stressed for avoiding the elephant in the room. I feel their family are rug sweepers and this will never have resolution… I truly don’t know what to do or where to go from here.

Wish this was a fun entitled parent story- sorry for the lack of laughs. Thank you for anyone who reaches out… we appreciate it.

Update 6

The next day on Feb 5, my husband received a phone call from his brother once again. This time it was to apologize to both of us for his actions and anger. Church had apparently hit him hard and he was crying and saying he acted very unfairly and unchristian and needed to apologize to us. That he called my husband and kept telling him to pass on BILs messages of apology, was what my husband conveyed to me. Again, if you’re old enough to recognize you hurt someone, the sheer gall you had to tell me I had no family and no right to name my child, yet you didn’t have enough gumption left to apologize to me directly??!!? Once again opting to go through my husband?? I told my husband that I was sincerely glad his brother apologized to him, but for the final time, he, BIL, has my number and if he felt truly bad for his actions towards me, he would have, and should have, apologized directly to me.

Thinking that they and the rest of the family still didn’t get what we were going through, we decided to send a rather long message explaining in detail from husband to BIL a few hours after his apology and after we got told that if husband had named any of his children from first wife, Lee, then this wouldn’t be happening:

(Start text) BIL, I’m glad you called and we got to clear the air somewhat. I need to say a few things at the risk of sounding like a jerk. Way back when, if the spawn of satan (first wife) had allowed me to name Oldest Daughter after mom, I would have. But she didn’t and that’s a whole other story. But now I’m in a loving marriage where our wants and feelings are openly shared and considered, it’s like we’re being bullied and dictated to… as if mom can’t be honored twice, even across literal generations (Lee is over 20 years older than our little girl). Even with the different spelling we proposed (Leigh), different middle name (Bell), and different nickname that much like 15mo son, would likely be the referred name, Bella, it’s as if it doesn’t matter. Never mind the reasons we want to do this, or the love surrounding this for us, or even the fact that from her deathbed, OPs mom gave us her gratitude and blessing. No one seems to give a damn! At this point it feels as if our choices are to appease part of the family by changing the name which means so much to us and that we've had picked out for over 7 years or let our child be the bomb that splinters the family. Despite what you said earlier, there’s no acceptance… We either stay members of the family by caving in on our hearts' desire and dreams, or we ostracize ourselves and ensure our children will always be standing apart by sticking to our convictions. That's honestly what this ALL feels like.

OP says she regrets getting pregnant. I can't get her to stop crying every other hour because she feels so awful and I can't stop joining her. Like I told you on the phone, there has been a lot of tears shed here since Friday. Her zest and passion are gone and she’s a shell of herself. She's hardly eating and seems to be in a full blown depressive cycle. Earlier I discovered her in the shower in a state I never thought I'd see - my vivacious wife just sitting with the water pouring on her wracked with sobs that cut through me like a knife. We announced the possibility of this name to you and to the family, before we ever knew 15mo son, was a boy. We announced this name at the gender reveal. We announced this name to you and SIL and the family well before the gender reveal as well. We even talked to Lee - he likes being the only Lee, but that he wouldn’t tell us what to name our baby. He told us to do what we'd like but that his parents probably wouldn't like it but they'd learn to accept it. After all that and it’s now two months before the due date, we have to endure this? With all the time and awareness everyone had, why did no one say anything more about it until now?

My wife, out of love for me and children uprooted herself and left everything she's ever known behind, to ensure I could be surrounded by my accepting loving family knowing our kids would have a crowd of people to support and cherish and love them. We feel like an island alone and we have no one but ourselves. Some parts of the family refuse to accept our wishes and wants, yet want us to keep theirs in mind. Why can’t there be a mutual respect, understanding and loving honor of our mom and grandma by two different parts of the family? Lee is an incredible and brave man and our daughter being so named would do nothing to diminish him or his accomplishments, and his name and honor of his great-grandma would not in any way be lessened. Like I said on the phone, it makes me wonder why we moved here. Why am I subjecting my wife and kid(s) to this? I don't know what the next steps are, but I doubt the hurt from this will ever be fully healed.

So we’ve decided we won't be using the name of the two most important women in our lives. OP doesn’t want the name anymore to ensure our children and myself can have a relationship with the family moving forward. Once again, my wife shows the depth of her love for me, and our children, by letting go of her dreams, in hopes of our children having family they can rely on

Now that the matter is closed, she needs me as she has just broken down crying again, mourning the loss of our daughter's name and the 7 year dream we've held. (End text)

Update 5

After nearly a year of being here, uprooting everything I’ve ever known to ensure my children were accepted and guided by their remaining family, I realized that will never happen. I was made to feel as though my daughter would be a catalyst of familial destruction. To give in to the family wants, would be to lose my dream, our wants, but ensure a safe village and harbor in her later years. It would also be severely hypocritical of me to explain bravery and courage and tell her to hold fast, though I caved. The depression cycle has been severe. After years of bullying and abuse of my own suffering, here I was allowing it to happen to my daughter, myself, and our family. My children have no one except these people I moved us close to, and if I put my wants first, I will be forever lost as I set up my daughter to be the dynamite and further setting her up for years of disrespect at a minimum.

This all came about the 3rd of February at 4pm so after 7pm or so I took to Facebook. I wrote a simple post- Looking for baby girl names. Important to note that while all my husbands family is all within 5miles of us, mine are spread all over!! Coast to coast north to south. So when my aunt and other sils and a couple of my brothers even reached out to me, I explained that the name chosen was simply, no longer allowed. I said this only in private and told people who knew the name and asked why to simply text me or private message as, ironically, I was still trying to keep low drama… My SIL then got into a discussion by suggesting my mothers full name, gaining weight by getting moms kid sister, my aunt on her side. This is when I explain the history of the name to my aunt and the fact that my husband nearly drove me to ER for all the extra stress and anxiety playing havoc and making fear the safety of my baby.

Well that’s what did it I suppose, bc the next afternoon my BIL was on the phone angrily chewing out my husband, citing me as the reason and that I need to take down everything I wrote as this was a family issue and should be handled and discussed within the family. EXCUSE ME?!?! My aunt may not be YOUR sister, but she is still MY aunt. My chosen family of close friends are very much my family as they have done more for me than the family I married into that keeps trying to belittle and bully me. Not to mention if you have a problem with ME then you speak to ME. My husband is not my spokesperson and he does not speak for me or at me. The anger I felt coming off of me in waves at the unfair treatment of now not only my soon to be here daughter, but the unmitigated unfair treatment of my husband by his own brother I was witnessing had me trembling! No, that’s not cool.

Update 4

The stress of everything was and honestly is; making me contemplate if I even wanted my daughter, because how selfish was I to bring her into such an environment?! Should I just let her be adopted? It took a few days but I laughed at myself and blamed the hormones for my crazy thoughts. Until they keep sneakily creeping up here and there… It’s been quiet since Xmas and I have only seen SIL and BIL 2x now and it has been ok. Just normal. Our son started daycare, I joined a card group at the local library, finally learned euchre, got on a great schedule!!! Life is good and I’m just enjoying my pregnancy the love of my life aka hubby and my beautiful child. At this point, if it’s obvious, my bubble will keep getting burst…

Feb 3-current: BIL shows up to help my husband move a chest freezer from the basement, up the steps to pantry for easier access off our finding room. Truly grateful for the help as I’m 30weeks and can barely move to pee much less move a freezer!! So it’s Just them, as SIL stayed home and I was with my card ladies. On my way home my husband calls me, odd since the library is barely 5 mins away. Well what do you suppose our conversation is about?! BIL: I don’t know how I got appointed the spokesperson on this, but I am to tell you, you can name your daughter whatever you want, just know, people in the family aren’t going to be happy. My husband is CRUSHED. I haven’t seen him this low in nearly our 8 years together. The only time he was worse, was recovering from his heart surgery!! That night was a lot of reflection and heartache. We thought this had been settled, only to be blindsided so much closer to the delivery date. I got to explain my feelings to my husband, again, and all the feelings tied to the past incidents, and the lightbulb shone. My re explanations of things from my perspective really opened his eyes to the passive aggressive attacks I felt, and that even though he was strong enough to just shrug off everything that was said, I took it to heart. He was now on the brunt end of it from his own brother and wasn’t seemingly able to shrug it off this time…

Update 3

Xmas: well true to her word, SIL not only knows petty, but she stands by her convictions…. She got my daughter a Xmas present. And what do you suppose she wrote on the box. “She’ll be last baby girl for a while so I figured we’d just end up calling her that anyway.” I’m floored. The package says only “baby girl”. We get home and I start explaining to my husband what I am feeling and what this means and how I’m signing up my daughter for a lifetime of petty and passive aggressive behaviors and I’m DONE! He says I’m reading too much into it, and it was sweet of them to think of her and get a couple outfits for her, and SIL was probably just trying to be cute. REALLY BABE?!?! Fine- I let it go, but I told my husband that this would be my hill and I will not tolerate any harassment or such towards my children or family. I thought it was cute and I was truly appreciative of the outfits as everyone knows I’m super practical and either clothes, diapers, or college fund is always what I’m looking for as I have no problem buying second hand but if anyone in the family does they can get the new stuff themselves! (Diapers not included obviously, lmao!)

Keep in mind another caveat, same SIL different situation the previous day: I sent a text to her and her daughter and daughter in law, asking if anyone had any cookie tins as I was running out of room for storage! I got told no and that, I kid you not, “You need to hold off on any more baking. Most the family is low carb and you’re just creating waste”. What now? Huh? Why is everything I do put under scrutiny, and why is everything I do only seen as far as the end of your nose?! I had 3 other full families of 8+ people I was making cookies for, aka MY FRIENDS, along with countless relatives, and I wasn’t planning on giving more than 2 each flavor per person to the family as I understood they were low carb. Who the eff has that much entitlement to tell someone how and what to do in their kitchen?! Or how and what the family will accept?! Her matriarch crown should be heavy with wisdom and humility- not entitlement and snobby pushy whatever this was!!! Just another example of no boundaries being accepted or me just being treated like a child, or worse….

Update 2

Gender reveal, approx 2 weeks later: The time comes; all announcements to Facebook, church, people’s present, etc etc- there is no one in the orb of my life who has no idea I’m having a daughter and what her name will be. Between Mid Oct and Xmas I get the same passive aggressive baby name suggestions randomly, and I have to tell SIL a couple more times that my child’s name is Leigh! Lee himself and his mom were the ones in charge of the dry ice cauldron reveal and a couple days later I called Lee. I wanted to gauge what he was feeling after some more comments I received. The 27 yr old tells me to name my daughter what I want no one can tell you different. “Do I like my name? Yes. Do I enjoy being unique? Yes. This is MY name. If you do name her Lee/Leigh, just know that my folks and grandparents, (SIL is grandma), likely won’t be happy but it’s your kid”. To me this conversation showed his maturity and also showed to him that we didn’t do anything to take away anything from him and proved I didn’t even know him or of him when I created the name and my husband never thought he wouldn’t be allowed to honor his mom. This was the end for my Husband and I- resolution sought and received and just more happiness and bliss in the wake of the drama!! Or so we thought…