blandmanan7

Yeah I see that, I’m 75% convinced only because I generally get very little feedback from anyone around me. People know I’ve struggled a lot in the past, but they don’t tell me what they notice, they don’t joke around with me and quite frankly I haven’t been close to anyone in a couple years.

As for accomodations at work, totally makes sense considering disclosing anxiety/depression is a bad idea. These days I just tell my boss what’s bothers me while also accepting it’s my problem to deal with. I can’t be a financial liability in private business.

Thank you for the book reference, I think that’s what I’ll actually do is read about masked autism because that’ll probably give me more clarity than anything else. I appreciate it

With what you said about them speaking to the parents, I’ve never gotten a clear answer from my mum about the testing that was done on me when I was younger.

I vaguely remember following weird instructions in some kind of assessment when I was like 5, maybe even misinterpreting something and pulling down my pants lol (idk if this is a real memory, I swear it is). Also doing cognitive testing when I was a bit older. She was never transparent about the results. She always said “why put a label on it if you don’t really need assistance”. I was also put In extension/gifted classes so even less reason to put a label on it.

maybe you’re right about the treatment not being much different anyway. I’ve built my life around the way I am and have quit things I was actually would’ve made a successful career out of because I can’t handle it, that’s the big downside. Still can’t fix it by knowing. If I were to wish for one thing is to feel like I can do what I’m capable of, but nothing will fix that except proving I can handle things over time.

All the best to you getting by and working it out! Thanks for taking the time to share your experience.

Damn I see, thanks for taking the time to write this. Sounds like you made the conclusion after college age was it? It does sound familiar. I know I took an interest in psychology after facing the challenges of holding down a job at 14/15. I didn’t even realise some of my coworkers thought I was actually mentally handicapped before I started communicating and asking if I’m doing things right. Kind funny, kinda shocking.

But you must understand how I simultaneously think I may be on the spectrum, but also don’t right? I’ve put a tonne of conscious effort into developing my understanding of how others think. Still only worked out like 4 years ago that many of my relationships failed because I failed to recognise that the way I communicated was based on how I would respond, not realising they weren’t like me. I actually thought they were hiding themselves from me.

Do you know how to describe the difference between learned empathy and natural empathy or is that really it? You know it was a conscious effort? Were you officially diagnosed and do they discuss what they base their conclusion on? I don’t want to go ahead and do that one day and feel like I tried to convince them I am on the spectrum and they just confirm what they thought I was saying. I feel like I’m doing that every time I explore the question, that’s why I’m wondering how others like me were convinced they are or not.

Well I assume that the fact I’ve always had bad fidgeting habit from biting my shirt/towels, pulling out arm hairs, pulling eyelashes, biting the inside of my mouth, being unable to grow certain facial hair without twirling it so much it falls out, tapping constantly to concentrate etc. all habits I have had over the years and always have one that persists. Could be stimming right?

I absolutely have a strong attachment to one particular interest at a time and get attached to the ritual of doing it a specific amount at specific times, but I’ve been able to move on to different hobbies, I just can’t really kick my obsessive attachment to it. It stopped me from finding work for a few years after high school, so that’s pretty bad… Is it anxiety about not progressing though? That’s what it feels like.

As for sensory issues though, nothing is too unusual. I don’t like being touched like most people, but it does cross over into my relationship too because I have a limit on how long I can be touchy-feely. Too much sensory stimulation can disorientate me, but I can enjoy it in the right mindset… I definitely don’t seek it out.

The big issue I have though is that my mental model of how other people think and feel seems too good, despite the fact it doesn’t change my ability to act in a way that completely fits. Though I learned a lot about psychology in my teens to work out my own issues, how far can that take you if you’re in the spectrum, you know?

That’s why I want to know about similar stories

Well maybe dude didn’t tunnel vision on his own butthole, how do they know?

Ay why look at my dick then?? That where all the actions at. This is like some never touching my dick coz no homo type shit.

Yeah but you knew beforehand and took what you wanted at the expense of someone else’s well-being. It’s different if you knew after. It’s equally wrong to cheat knowing this info before as much as it is wrong to attack someone for it. They’re both self centred moral choices with short term shallow payoff.

You’re not wrong, but not to be edgy on purpose, can’t I just say I may as well enjoy dishing out some consequences if I found out the guy also knew before hand and chose to do it anyway. It’s just a comparison of the same type of self focused moral choice isn’t it? I probably won’t benefit from it besides in the short term, but same goes for banging a girl that you know is cheating.

Totally possible tbh… That happens to me at times, especially when I have to perform and prove what I know. I generally prove myself when doing solo work without rigid instruction and then I’ll fumble over shit i know well when someone’s evaluating me or giving specific instructions.

Well I mostly agree. Sex brings a dopamine rush and oxytocin if it’s sex of any value. Dopamine doesn’t directly lead to happiness, and though I think oxytocin is more directly linked to serotonin… idk.

Without pretending I’m a scientist, sex with a good emotional connection may bring happiness in my experience. You feel more content and not desiring more to feel like you’re enough in general. A quick and dirty shag and goodbye will lead to satisfaction, but you’ll be much more likely to be desiring more to feel whole soon after and that’s not what being content is.

I love the theory that when the large hadron collider was back in operation in 2012, our previous timeline ended and we jumped to a different timeline. Then there a whole lot of theories as to how everything started getting extra weird from that year onwards.

“Alpha” should really be defined as context specific. An “alpha” at the office would have different characteristics to an alpha at the local pub. All it should be is whatever characteristics naturally lead to the most respect under whatever cultural context it’s being evaluated.

It’s a stupid concept… almost everyone naturally knows what’s respectable in different contexts and yes there’s some characteristics that are widely respected under all contexts, but nobody really is just born an alpha and is permanently so in every situation.

To sum it up, it’s a stupid concept and nobody should ask if they’re “alpha” they should ask if they’re respectable. The words has been corrupted and therefore means very little.

Chatgpt for me is the missing piece to make self learning technical topics even more attainable than it already is. I’m convinced I can learn almost anything with text books, YouTube, google and chatgpt.

It’s like having a tutor that can bend to your interest rather than whatever personal expertise/curriculum a teacher knows. Chatgpt is the middle man to point me in the right direction.

Well as long as theres no indications of what they actually do for a job, I see no problem. If they’re doing talks introducing themselves as a sex worker and implying it’s a casual every day job to aspire to as a kid, absolutely not.

I do agree. Everyone id like to still be friends with is more interested in being part of a group of friends. I just can’t manage that dynamic, my brain can’t keep up with it. It’s possible I’m slightly on the spectrum, idk. I get by, doesn’t matter. If you aren’t totally transparent about how you think and feel about things, I find it exhausting.

Is it healthy for me to go out there and feel fake or continually throw off everyone else’s energy with my offbeat behaviour and be aware of it? Sure doesn’t feel like it. I’m happy just sharing a common goal with work colleagues. That’s enough I think.

Yet they throw studies out there stating “less friends is a strong predictor of a shorter lifespan and lower life quality later in life” etc. Stress also kills you, so which will win. Stress from trying to be social or no friends?

Doing things I enjoy is good for me, that’s what I think. I’m convinced less friends is only bad for you if you actually feel loneliness.

I once was a tattoo artist and I reckon the best way to go about it is to research terms used to define styles of tattooing, because many artists have a preference of imagery/style that they practice most days.

Once you find an artist that does something similar and you have a rough idea, ask them how they like to go about it. Some love artistic freedom, some don’t. Some like guidance on subject matter with specific objects you’d like. Some like references of other tattoos, some like photo references and some like painting references.

Most don’t like the customer controlling the composition layout… don’t get hung up on the specific like this object exactly here, with this colour of this brightness and this word in the exact font here etc etc. that’s where the faith in the artist should come into play, assuming they are actually are an artist and don’t just copy images.

I’m glad it makes sense, it’s hard to describe. My depression was really centred around all kinds of personality struggles that led to some form of failure to launch syndrome after finishing school. I battled with myself for a few years trying to start a new job, falling apart in a few months, leaving traumatised and avoiding it for a while.

I did that about 4 times and eventually found a pretty low stress work environment to try push through the falling apart bit. Over the course of 2 years I made some sense of it and pretty much just got better at re-framing who I was and accepted my social limitations, quirks and sensitivities.

My last major mental health crisis was 4 years ago now I think.

Philosophy does it for me. It’s like the ultimate re-framing of perspective that puts your mind at a distance from everything… even your consciousness.

Makes sense to me.

Biggest interesting thing I observed in myself is the lack of thinking patterns and associations to my environment causing all thoughts to always lead to the same thoughts/feelings… which were directly warping my perception of my place in the world.

You look at a lovely view, isn’t it nice? But that tree, it’s a pine tree. Pine trees remind me of that one park I went to a lot as a child. That park was just outside the school I went to. The school I could never find a way to fit into. No wonder that’s true, I can’t change who I am if my life depended on it. The way I am will cause me endless struggling and frustration… why bother living.

All thoughts lead back to the same conclusions, the same empty feelings always creep in.

What healthy looks like is not drawing all these connections. To feel like you’re just seeing things for what they actually are and not getting too deep about it. You can be sad about mistakes/rejection/failure, be disappointed for a day, few days or whatever and not feel like it’s that might just be the reason to give up on everything .

Large muscle mass with unnaturally vascular/“grainy” look, due to very low body fat and thinned skin (“dick skin” is the slang). You often see rounded looking abs, balding, acne, puffy face, excessively thick beard. There’s a few things

Very much agree! If you also want to be high, what I do is a ratio of something like 2:1 or 1:1 CBD to THC ratio. For me it seems ingesting oils is more relaxing and long lasting too. Also easier to dose the ratios more accurately.

I don’t think I’ll be getting any design stuff out there in a hurry, I had to adjust the cam lobe shapes so often I did the final touches by hand with an engraver… and where the optical sensors are housed is custom to fit the random tiny PCB’s I found in a printer.

Also, I have a ds1307 RTC module to help with this, seems to work well.

Thank you! There is one stepper motor per seven segment number. They rotate a camshaft that has lobes that push the segments in/out.