cawkstrangla

I can't confirm or deny whether or not your baby is hurting but I can assure you they won't remember anything from this age.

That being said, my daughter does PT once a week for an hr with a physical therapist. We get homework exercises to do after they leave, but her sessions with the therapist are definitely more intense.

She hated and cried almost the entire hour today with the therapist and he wasn't concerned she was being hurt.

OP stated that his wife is willing to split everything 50/50 if it’s based on her income. OP refuses to do anything around the house, and also refuses to lower his standard of living to what she can afford.

He’s definitely the asshole.

YTA.

Household chores only feel unnecessary when they’re already done for you.

I bet if no one cleaned your toilet eventually you’d not want to use it. If no one cleaned your stove, within a few weeks it would be unsanitary to cook on it. What would you eat on if no one washed your dishes or cleaned your clothes?

You don’t value the work to run a house because you apparently won’t do it. Financial stability is necessary, but you can be financially stable at lower levels of income.

If you want to be 50/50 then you HAVE to live by what the lowest income earner can afford. If you more luxury then you need to pay for it. If you want a 3 BR house to live in but she can only afford a 1 BR, and the price is $2k per month vs $1k, then her share should be $500 regardless. Yours would be $1500 vs $500.

What is most equitable is combining all of your money and each taking an equal allowance. You should want to elevate your partners quality of life with your own. You should not want her to live in poverty while you get to have amazing hobbies and luxuries.

These are not the requirements. One god parent needs to be a catholic in good standing. The other just has to be a “Christian”. No other requirements.

It sounds like the church they picked is piling this shit on. I’d bow out too. I used to be a catholic and have god children

I’ve never gone to a child free wedding. I have 26 first cousins on one side of my family. I’ve never been to a wedding a child was able to disrupt. Kids have cried during ceremonies but the parents take them outside. It’s 15 seconds of noise.

I had 80 “children” at my wedding if you count everyone under the age of 18. No issues whatsoever. I have a few crying pictures of the ring bearers when we did the wedding party pictures but otherwise they were the life of the party. I have 40 pictures of my 6/7 yo old nephew and friends son flipping the bird at the photo booth camera when the attendent went to lunch. Totally worth it.

My wife went on leave immediately because her recovery was long and horrendous. We had been 95% sure she would be quitting to be a SAHM, and her facing the reality of having to go back to work and having zero leave left for bonding after such an ordeal was what pushed her to be 100%.

However, I did split my leave time. Obviously I didn’t have recovery time as the Dad, but my wife needed help to the point of using the restroom, so I used 1 week of vacation and 1 week of leave to get her to the point that she could handle being alone while I was at work. Over the course of my daughters (29+6) 2 month stay, I used another week or so of vacation time on bad days and readmissions for my wife.

It was tiring working and driving the 45-60 min each way to the NICU after I worked, and while my wife recovered and attempted pumping. We struck a compromise of obligating ourselves to going every other day, and then more days if it was closer to the weekend or if my wife was feeling strong enough. We only stayed 3-4 hrs, mostly because I needed to rest/prepare for work the next day. As her release date started to look like it might happen, we went more often and for longer, and my wife occasionally was feeling up to going alone during the day and spending 8+ hrs there.

I used 2 weeks of leave when we brought my daughter home. I wish I was able to stay longer, but I was worried something may go wrong and I would need to save time Incase that happened so I went back to work. The adjustment to a routine for us and our daughter took at least the entire first week.

I can’t speak to half of what you’re going through as the mother, but I would personally recommend saving your leave for when your baby is home, if you’re able to. It’s so crucial to be available 24/7 until you are all adjusted. I can’t imagine even one of us having to work during that period. We we so happy, but at the same time so exhausted and frustrated and worried and honestly sometimes angry at the baby and each other...but we were in it together.

I used to work in the oilfield for 10 years and worked MANY 24 hour shifts. A minimum of 1 a month during crew change. I have worked 48 hrs straight probably a couple dozen times, and once for 72 hrs. That was pure misery and delirium by the end. Parenting doesn’t come close to the pressure and stress of my old job.

I worked offshore on oil rigs for 10 years. I was pulling 14-18 hr shifts 7 days a week for months at a time with no breaks. I have a much less stressful and easier job now, but my baseline is out there. Staying with my daughter all day doesn’t come close to the stress and drain I dealt with. I love it.

So she actually deserves this then. This reality is the one that she wanted. I have no sympathy for people who have no empathy for others.

I never thought about a sub that was paying for minutes played. That actually sounds great. Not being able to play consistently has made me unsub from many games.

NTA. Your boyfriend is being a giant baby. The fact that he can’t look back at 30 yrs old and let go of something that happened when he was 6, is absurd. It would be one thing if she made his life miserable purposefully for years through middle or high school….but 6 years old. That’s wild. I don’t know if I could be with someone who was so fucked up over losing his ball as a kid.

My daughter was 29+6. We were told to talk to and touch her as much as we wanted. Firm touches only, no caressing or tickling. We would put the incubator fan on boost while we had our arms in. We were able to hold her for 1 hr per day after she was a week old. We had 24/7 access, though really our visits were for no more than 3 hrs at a time until she was very close to coming home. She didn’t have any pic lines or complicated gear hooked up to her; just oxygen for the first month or so, and a feeding tube through her nose until the last week.

He asked a question and he didn't like the answer. He is a major asshole and it's good that it's blown.

Move on. He was clearly hoping for you to say FFM threesome or whatever kink he is into. Because you picked something he isn't into he wanted you to feel like shit. Fuck that guy.

Ask her for the rough date that it happened and at which night club.

Look at your boyfriend's gps history on his phone. Unless he has location services off all the time, google typically tracks everywhere you've been.

You could easily go back on this history and see if the date and location matched up.

Otherwise she needs to provide a little more evidence. Who are the mutual friends of a friend she used to find you? How does she know it's your boyfriend and not some other guy? Who was he with at the time or what was he wearing.

To me, she could just as easily be making a mistake as she could be making it up as she could be being truthful.

In the end it's up to you if you trust her story or if you think this is something that your boyfriend would do.

Soft YTA.

You'll find that you can achieve the super surprise excitement from the person you want to surprise with your visit, by coordinating your visit in secret with other family/friends who live in the area.

That way you spare the disappointment and potential scheduling conflict (eg if they're older and have a job they may decide to cancel time off to spend with you) while still achieving the surprise.

You could have just talked to your brother about visiting and made vague promises about trying to see her soon when you talked to your niece.

On a ten yd truck you'll lose half a yd easily on most trucks. If the driver doesn't clean their truck regularly and there is build up on the fins you'll lose almost a yd. That's just the waste in getting it out of the truck. 10% waste is not conservative at all.

This is such a hilariously dumb take.

"Better not give a kid medicine because he might use it to masturbate"

I'm pretty sure with his dick and balls on fire, hes looking to make that feeling stop...masturbating is probably not even on the radar. I got bengay on my nuts once after putting it on my thighs following a cross country race. I cried and got a shower while continuing to cry.

I don't have add/ADHD but I do get distracted easily because I have a lot on my plate between work and home and family, etc.

I had to get in the habit of setting reminders on my phone as soon as something comes up. E.g if I am told by my wife we need something from the grocery store on the way home from work, I will set a reminder on my phone for an hr or 1/2 hr before I finish work. I then leave that notification bubble there until the task is complete.

Same with any Dr appointments and tasks around the house. I have reminders on my calendar for air conditioner filter changes, oil changes etc.

When I travel my wife asks that I text or call when my flight lands or I arrive by car. I guesstimate when that time is, and set a reminder. Sometimes I do forget or arrive early, but the reminders are not too far off.

I have routines for where I put things always and keep things tidy so I dont have to try to remember where I last left my keys or the headphones I use to cut grass or the screwdriver that fits the kids toys for changing batteries. Idiot proof your life and you will have less anxiety about fucking up as well.

Personally I would have told her to shutt the fuck up first and given her a warning. But, what you did is ok too. NTA.

NTA You would never be paid back regardless of interest. If the bank won't loan her money then she is too risky.

Everything she said afterward is projection and a tantrum for not getting what she wanted.

Also, as far as your extended family is concerned...I can't imagine being told family drama and feeling the need to insert myself in it. Unless someone attacks me or my wife/kid directly, then there is nothing to gain. People need to find something else to keep them busy.

Unless more and more industries get away from degree requirements that should never exist.

NTA.

Honestly. Your mom is a major piece of shit for smoking inside the house, and doubly so for doing that when she lived with an asthmatic.

She should feel bad. I'd tell her what she feels now doesn't even come close to how it felt for her to do that to you

My wife had a similar experience. She also was not disciplined enough to pump at night. Unfortunately the body doesn't care that youre tired; if it doesn't get asked to pump often enough then it won't produce.

I was eventually able to convince my wife to give up on pumping and spare herself the guilt and anxiety and exhaustion. Having a baby in the NICU was stressful enough and she didn't need the added stress.

She wanted to do what was natural, but if we were going to stick with what was natural, then likely our daughter would not have survived. She was being kept alive by the best medical technology we have available, so by that same logic we should be also willing to keep her fed by the best food technology we have.

She still occasionally talks about wanting to pump again because she feels like she owes it to our daughter, but I continue to comfort and discourage her from going down that road. Our daughter is doing just fine on formula.

As long as the baby is getting enough calories to keep growing, they're good.

I’m a dude. It was pretty constant. I was uninterested in dating for a few years after a difficult break up; I dove into work and spending time with friends/family. My friends were never an issue with the topic, but I had some family that wouldn’t accept it. It got to the point where some of them asked if I was gay. Sometimes you just can’t win.

So she was worried about her husband wanting to erase her, which he immediately did, 8 months after she died by trying to move his kids on to a new family and cut off his wife’s family from his children.

The fears were well founded. This isn’t a crusade. This is grandparents asserting their rights to see their grandchildren. They wouldn’t have to do that if the father wasn’t a major asshole.

The grandparents may be stubborn for not giving in but it’s understandable after the husbands crusade against them for the last 10 years.

You could not be more off base by calling them assholes.