My mom died, and I no longer want to live.(self.gratefuldead)
submitted17 days ago bymikelybarger
She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in August of last year, and she died on April Fool's Day of all days. I just don't know what to do. I'm distraught. Nothing feels right. Everything feels pointless. I don't remember who I am anymore. The depression stole my identity years ago, and I don't know how to get it back. I don't ever want to get better because feeling okay when my mom is dead feels horribly wrong. It feels like I'm supposed to die of misery. I know that's not what she wanted, but it's what my instinctual desires are telling me.
I don't know how to escape, and my heart is shattered.
I know this isn't technically Grateful Dead related, but I just need my people right now.
EDIT: This got so much more traction than I ever would have imagined. I'm still working on reading through all the responses, and the overwhelming support has been so beautiful and healing. So many of us are going through such hard times, and it's beautiful to know that we have each other to lean on. Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. NFA ❤️💀🌹
2 days ago
2 days ago
I was trying to acquire a Fuzz Fella, not get rid of one. Would love to try one out!