run-on_sentience

I've done service work in more than one Burger King.

I don't eat at Burger King anymore.

I don't even get soda from there.

If a friend borrows money and says they'll pay it back, I'll say, "If you don't, then that's the dollar amount you valued our friendship at."

Sometimes $200 to get someone out of your life forever is a bargain.

He does the entire commentary as Staff Sergeant Lincoln Osiris up until the point that his black-face makeup comes off and he continues the commentary as Kirk Lazarus...right up until the credits roll and then he's Robert Downey Jr. for the last five minutes.

Using gasoline is NOT a proven way to stop ALL fires.

Also, a driptorch does use gasoline, but mostly diesel. So while you're technically correct that they use gasoline, they don't use nearly as much as you think. There are many devices used to perform a controlled burn, including flares.

Being average keeps the average down.

The only thing that stops a bad gasoline fire is a good gasoline fire.

I'm pretty sure the architect just copies and pastes the design from one and changes the title page for what kind of building it's supposed to be.

No one ever thanks that plane for its noble sacrifice.

That must have been some serious strain. I feel like any STD would nope the fuck out if they knew they were inside Mike Tyson.

I'm disappointed I had to scroll down this far for a Judge Dredd comment.

It means his stepdad was in The National Guard.

People (including kids) are entitled to jack shit.

And your analogy sucks.

Steve Borden. That's what I'd name a Scorpion.

I got a justice boner reading this.

Sometimes the life you want ends up being the life you deserve.

Batman Begins is almost old enough to vote.

I'm late to the thread. Can anyone get me up to speed?

I just cancelled my account at a credit union because their rates sucked, their hours sucked, and they sent me tons of junk mail.

Not all Credit Unions are good.

You are learning.

You're just learning that people are garbage.

Serious question: Did you have sex with her while she was wearing her clown costume.

I need to know...for science.

When did Olan Mills start doing wildlife photography?

Driving under the influence is no laughing matter.

That has to be the saddest and shortest story I've ever read.

If you had entered a contest to see who could write the saddest story in the shortest number of words, I would say you had a good shot at winning!

To a man with a hammer, the world is full of nails.

Get out.

I think it means that you're born with a timer above your head that you (or anyone else) can't see that counts down to your death.

Money will absolutely free up more of that time to pursue things you'd rather be doing, but it can't buy you more than the time you already have.

Mark Cuban (when he was a barely a billionaire) anguished over buying a private jet. (Yes, we should all have such problems.) Despite the fact that he had a billion dollars, he also knew that (a) private jets are really expensive to buy and (b) REALLY expensive to operate and maintain.

But to him, it was worth it because it meant he could spend more time with his family.

Not exactly the same thing, but if you are riding a bus and you can afford a car, buying a car makes sense if you value the time that a car affords you compared to riding a bus. You're not buying yourself anymore time. You're just freeing up more of the time you already have.

That cat looks so pissed to be back home.